Brains, Boobs, Beer, and Butter

Im back bitches!!!!

2011-04-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

Alright ch'y'all!-I'm back in the blogosphere and am ready to share all the yummy stuff i've made throughout my hiatus! What? you thought I abandoned you? Hell no! It's just been a crazy past few months that has kept me away from my postings. I mean, I've still been cooking, eating (probably too much), and hitting up the favorite foodie joints and restaurants around town. BUT I've also quit my job, returned to school, moved, travelled, and broke/had a plate put into my wrist in the meantime. So, hopefully you can empathize with me and my lack of dedication to the blog.

Like i said though, that has no mirroring to my dedication in the kitchen, and I have a TON of stuff that's gonna ROCK YOUR TASTEBUDS! And perhaps as you've noticed (if not, *eh hem* look up), the new title of the blog better reflects where i'm at culinarily these days. That means that, yes, I'm beyond throwing meals together based off the scraps found in a bachelor pad, having evolved into big-girl entertaining. This means, you should look out for guest postings, new pics (off my BRAND SPANKIN NEW smart phone; yeah buddy!), and apartment/dorm/budget/shitty economy-AND-waistline- friendly treats.

You may also notice some other ramblings, such as "How to sew your own retro apron out of your old roommates' curtains", "How to rid yourself of the stench of formaldehyde", or "Apps for an alchy". (<-- all completely useful right? : / )The thought has even crossed my mind to do kitchen product reviews, drink recipes-hard and mock (for all the prego's out there- I got your back!), and party-planners: from keggers to cocktails. Yay!

I'll of course still keep up with my restaurant trips around the town and either complementing them shamelessly (with hopes of a comped meal or insider recipe secrets) or ripping them to shreds like a Rottweiler to a stuffed animal filled with steak. If you have any reviews, upcoming events, or suggestions that would help either myself or our fellow Cleveland foodies on their gustatouring (<--get it? "gustatory" + "touring". i'm totally coining that word when i get my own Food Network Show.) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to contribute.

And although this post isn't a great representation of it, i have vowed to keep posts short and sweet. So without further adieu, lets bring on the recipes!

I may not love the Rock, but I really love the roll

2010-05-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

So, despite the fact that the title suggests I'm referring to my hometown's hall of fame, the feature today is mostly about my recent adventures in the raw food world. More specifically, it's about the awesome sushi I've been having lately at my two FAVORITE sushi joints; neither one of them being Pacific East or Sushi Rock. (Gasp! What!?!?!) That's right, I am not a fan AT ALL of these two over-rated sushi joints here in Cleveland. The first, is uncreative and plain- to me. I feel that sushi is an art, and while I appreciate all different types of art, I prefer my food to be more like a Monet than a Malevich. The second, whose half-price sushi concept can be appreciated, consistently makes me sick. I mean, I think that a restaurant that serves raw meat as its primary ingredient should probably make an attempt to be sanitary. Right? But the food isn't the only thing that makes me want to hurl after visiting this place.... the hostesses are dressed like 15 year-old hookers. Like when I said their primary ingredient is "raw meat", I meant fish, NOT high school ho-bags. Ew. If I wanted Nyotaimori, I would have asked my roommate to play "dining room table". (Just kidding) And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about Sushi Rock; mostly because I spent an entire night sharing the bathroom with the rest of our table after a dinner party there.

But let me digress, the stars of this post are my two FAVORITE sushi joints, Otanis and Tree Country Bistro. The former is a long-standing Hibachi and Sushi Bar located in Mayfield Heights' Golden Gate Plaza. Like a first love, I keep coming back to this place not only because it was the first place I ever tried sushi, but because it habitually serves amazing stuff. Of course, I have my all-time favorites which I get nearly every time I go (the Ume Maki, Wasabi Tobiko with quail egg, Otani Futo Maki, and their awesome side salad with ginger dressing, YUM!) but ever since making friends with one of the head sushi chefs, I've been able to really experience the culinary artistry that is sushi. You see, like my Monet alliteration before, I think that if a chef can combine sashimi, nori, and sticky rice with ingredients that compliment or contrast them without masking their delicate flavors, all while making it look beautiful, he's truely an artist. I feel that anyone can add sugar and vinegar to a pot of rice, buy some fish and nori rolls, and roll them up- that's why they sell sushi kits. It's the skill, mastery, knowledge, and presentation that set Otani's sushi apart from the rest. For example, when Rick and I ran up there on a random Monday last week, our chef whipped us up some KILLER sushi, that even my meat-and-potato-loving dad drooled over. Our first roll, was a spicy crab roll with cream cheese and jalepenos. YUM-MAAAZ-ZING! I told our chef that it tasted like a spicy crab dip roll...he had no idea what I was talking about. Figures. The second was one with smoked salmon, avocado, roe, and a spicy mayo dressing. One word= Oiishi.* The last, but of course not least was a tempura roll that had Sake (raw salmon) and tuna rolled with cucmber. The whole thing was rolled in a light panko batter and deep fried. Like WHOA! It was like the coolest sensation ever! Crispy, warm, melty, spicy, and a litle sweet from the ponzu ontop. Taco Bell Fourth Meal- you aint got nuttin' on this roll! Booyah!

And although the food at Otani's is superb, the thing that sets it above the rest are the staff. From the sushi chef, to the hibachi grillmen, to the servers the people there go beyond serving you food, and serve you a culinary experience. Even the kitchen staff will give you a good reason to keep returning...enter Koon. Now, I feel it's necessary to spotlight this hilarious kitchen staff person because..well, if you met him, you'd know. To picture this guy, you have to think asylum escapee with less than half of his teeth, babbling and laughing at himself in Japanese; dressed from head to toe in traditional Japenese garb (as is the rest of the staff), his presence can be somewhat overwhelming. And then he opens his mouth. (I wonder why they don't have working in the front...not.) The first time I met Koon, he referred to me with a "nickname" that to any other girl, might sound endearing. But calling me "honey" was not in reference to being sweet... it was referring to me being the "warm sticky sweet" to one of my new aquaintences who'd joined us for the evening. Let me be a little more specific- my brand-spanking new, flamingly homosexual aquaintence. Yeah, thanks Koon. Ever since then, he has called me by this name- whether I show up to Otanis with a date, a friend, or even my father.
Disclaimer: despite all of this, I will go back to that establishment in a heartbeat. It is THAT good. Mmmm...

TCB as I like to call it, was my second sushi stop of that week-just 6 short days after my Otani's adventure (I swear I'm not an addict) with Rick. This time, though, I was accompanied by a dear friend who was in town from Lake Tahoe. Little did I know when I was making the reservation, that I was bringing one of California's sushi conneusiors to this humble, little, hole-in-the-wall Asain dive. It was only after nestling up to the sushi bar and two sake caraffs later, did Mr. Tahoe fill me in on this shining tidbit of information. Naturally, my face was red with embarrassment (and not the Asain flush, I swear) that I had not done my research, so I bowed and gave him the honor of ordering for the both of us. Okay, so i didn't really bow, but I can totally see myself doing so after two caraffs of sake, can't you?

Before I could say "arigato", the souix-shi chef (get it? sushi? souix chef? nevermind...) began plating us with what could pass for the most colorful entree I'd ever consumed. There was my favorite appetizer Bonsai Cucumber, a side of seaweed salad ,Uni (sea Urchin) with Quail Egg, Toro (fatty tuna belly), Black Goldfish Monomaki, and Sun Maki. If that wasn't enough (thank God I came hungry), these were accompanied by two glasses of plum wine and a Taro bubble tea to share.
The Black and Goldfish maki was ordered per my suggestion; it happens to be my favorite monomaki they serve there. Its made with BBQ eel, avacado, cucumber, tobiko covered by shrimp and salmon. Then it's split in two, and plated on opposite ends of the dish. One is drizzled in a spicy mayo, and the other in a sweet soy sauce. I think it's an awesome way to see how each of the different sauces bring out the different flavors of the fish in a roll. Oh yeah, and it's GORGEOUS! The Sun Maki was not something that I'd readily order on my own, but it was SUCH a great choice on Mr. Tahoe's part; a giant tempura-fried roll with salmon, scallion, tobiko, avocado, cream cheese, and topped with tuna and their awesome House Sauce. In the words of Usher, this roll was "like Oh Ma Gawd"-good.

Let me digress; I am a girl who can "put it away", but sushi is the ninja of foods...deceivingly petite, it sneaks up on you and out of nowhere, you've got soy sauce coming out of your ears. In fact, after I finished the last bubble from our tea , I didn't feel much different than what we'd eaten that night; Mr. Tahoe could have very well "rolled" me out of the restaurant and into my car much like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonkas. I wonder if Nestle actually came out with a 5-course sushi dinner bubble gum...don't judge, it might be good! No chopsticks necessary!

Fear factor has nuthin' on me!

2010-04-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

Seriously, while contestants on Fear Factor are getting paid (or failing to get paid) thousands of dollars to eat weird food, I'm doing it for free. No, wait, I'm paying to do it...whatever. You can just imagine my delight when I walked into Golden Harvest Asian Grocier in Asiatown! It's basically like an itty bitty version of my favorite grocery store ever, Jungle Jims; just isles and isles of weird Asian food, candy, utensils, and beverages.

When you first walk in, all you see are bins filled with exotic fruit and freezers full of frozen dumplings, fish, dim sum, drinks, and desserts. Walk to the end of this isle, and you are face-to-face with a 50-lb lobster, Vancouver and blue crabs, and a tank of live eels. About five paces to your right, and your staring a dead duck in the empty sockets that used to contain his eyes. Round out the outside walls of the grocery section and you've got your fresh veggies, teas, and dried goods- most of their labels in Chinese, sometimes touting Pikachu or Hello Kitty.

Make one small left turn and suddenly you're in a back room filled with pots, pans, woks, and chopsticks. Don't forget the steamers, tea sets, and machetes. In the center of this back room is where I struck gold- foreign candy!!! :) Think Tamarind candy that tastes like a sweet, sour, spicy gumdrop; flower-flavored hard candies; and Pocky Sticks. I'm telling you I went NUTS!! The weirder the better...okay, not always, but in this case it was fine.

Finishing up our tour of the food mecca that is Golden Harvest, we hit up the elusive "middle isles." Okay, so there were only 2 of them but they were floor-to-ceiling and chuck-full of goodies. Preserved duck eggs, every spice known to man, soups, noodles, seaweeds, beans, pickles, jellies and tofu. I think it took me a good 35 minutes just to get through these two isles; I plan to go back and actually read what all is there.

After scoping out the place, I decided to go back around and make my purchases. Here's what my receipt looked like:

1/2 soy-glazed duck                    $6.79
1 jellyfish snack                           $1.15
1 tamarind candy                         $1.18
1 aloe vera honey drink              $0.53
1 dragonfruit                                $3.98
1 bag dried lily flowers                 $2.49
1 pkg matcha green tea                $6.49
1 pkg nori seaweed wrappers    $2.00

total:                                            $24.61 + tax

Like seriously?!?! I got duck,dragonfruit, and jellyfish for UNDER $25?! that's insane. I'm not gonna lie, this place is going to be very good on my wallet, but not so much on my waistline. : / Whatever, I've already got what I'm getting this next weekend planned out: more dragonfruit, a Thai young coconut, durian, conchs, more tamarind candy, and... I kinda want to try making eel. Call me crazy, I'll take it as a compliment! (Just don't think you're gonna try any of my yummy goodies if you chose to do so.)

If you'd like to know what all I had this weekend:

I tried the dragonfruit- obviously, if I'm going back to get more, I like it. Sweet, delicate, and easy to eat.
I also tried the jellyfish- and i might eventually get this again because its low cal and YUMMY! Yeah, it did take a little pep-talk to actually get them off the fork and into my mouth (did I mention that I am deathly afraid of jellyfish? Yeah, scuba-diving in Belize did that to me; I now stick to snorkeling.)
Rick and I tried the duck- personally, I didn't like it, and I REALLY didn't like how you could see it's head. When the guy proceeded to cut it into "take-out" peices, he literally chopped the head in half-Rick unknowingly almost ate it beak and all. Okay, I'm done talking about that because I can taste my lunch again in the back of my throat.
I tried the green tea matcha powder in my green smoothie this morning- couldn't taste it. Oh well, the reason I bought it was to mix with my almond milk anyways. I'll let you know how that goes.
OMG Tamarind candy! Where have you been all my life?! This stuff, with the exception of the occasional seed/pits that are in them are SOO delicious! It's lemony-tart, brown sugar-sweet, and red chili-spicy all mixed into one! For a buck too? That's cheaper than my box of Mike & Ikes. Convert? I think so!
As for the Aloe Vera Honey drink? It was surprisingly good; kinda like a Amazon Chinese Green Tea, but with chunks of aloe floating around in it. Watch out for those- they're edible, but they take you by surprise. It reminded me of natural bubble tea.
I spent all day yesterday snacking on those dried lily flowers. Though they're prolly coated in MSG and I'm pretty sure they're supposed to be used to make Hot and Soup exclusively, I was totally digging them.
Another thing I decided to get while at the Farmer's market immediately preceding the Golden Harvest adventure was a Chayote Squash. I haven't tried it yet, but it's supposed to taste like a sweet pear when eaten raw, and a squash when cooked. For $1, it sounds pretty damn good to me!

Why can't airports work like burger joints?

2010-04-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

...specifically In-and-Out burger joints. You go in, put in your order, pay, get your burger in under 5 min and go. In American airports, however, you go in, wait in line to give them your order, jump through a million hoops to sortof get what you want, pay a rediculous amount, and then get stuck in a random city half-way through your travels. What a stellar system, no? I agree. I guess the upside to this would be the fact had I NOT gotten stuck in Bakersfield, California an extra day, I would have never been able to make the comparison to In-and-Out Burger. You see, Ohio preferes to reject simplicity and authenticity of an all-American classic, liking instead to have lengthy menus of low-quality fast-food littering every street corner. Yes, I'm talking Burger King, Micky-Ds, Steak n' Shake, and Wendy's who have all mastered the art of fucking up a hamburger. Although I do appreciate their attempts to make them tasty by adding all of the additives, preservatives, colors and flavorings (not), I don't appreciate them passing them off as actual hamburgers. Seriously guys, am I REALLY supposed to believe that your consistently-sized, "grill-marked", "steak", or even SQUARE patties are actually hamburgers? What IS "flame-broiled" anyways? Do they have fire coming out of the walls of their ovens?

Call me whatever you want, but when I make a hamburger, it does NOT look or taste like theirs. Mine, just like In and Out's are thick, juicy, sloppy, and imperfect. You won't be finding preservatives, rats, condoms, or hypodermic needles in any of my grilled delicacies. You may find a pad of butter which I stuff into the middle to retain juiciness, or even cheese if I'm making an inside-out cheeseburger but nothing else; aren't trans-fats and E. Coli enough to worry about as it is?

That being said, In and Out was fantastic, but nothing compared to the awesome dinner this missed flight afforded me. Geoff and I spent this blustery Sunday in a Dexter marathon inside the apartment. It wasn't until about 30 episodes passed did we realize that we were hungry. (How one gets hungry watching the Bay Harbor Butcher I don't know, but alas...) We decided to put our newly-bought Stone Brewery Smoked Porter BBQ Sauce to good use on some steak strips, which were then folded Chipotle-style into tortillas with avo, carmelized onions, and smoked chedda. Yum! I remember sitting down to the meal and saying to myself "there's no way you're gonna eat this; you're not even hungry and you've been watching a murder drama all day" Well, I lied to myself, because three burritos in, my Buddha belly was screaming at me. Not so much because of the shear amount of food I'd just consumed, but because it wanted me to make more room for the York Peppermint Patty Brownies I'd made for dessert. Oh, and the leftover SN F&J 30 Ale I'd been sipping on all afternoon. ;)

So, without further adue, here's the recipe for a Bakersfield Buddha Belly:

    In and Out burger at 11 am
+
    SN F&J 30th Anniversary Ale
+
    Smoked Porter BBQ Steak Fajitas
Things you will need:
sautee pan, lots of bowl, medium-sized pot, George Foreman or other grill-equivalent, tongs, ziplock baggies

Ingredients:
~4lbs steak strips
Stone Brewery Smoked Porter BBQ Sauce
1/2 avocado
white instant rice
bunch of fresh cilantro
2 pads of butter
1 lime
chili powder
1 large onion
brown suga
tortillas (6 for two hungry fatties)

1. place steak strips into baggie and add plenty of BBQ sauce, chili powder, and juice of 1/2 of the lime. Let marinade for as long as possible in the fridge.
2. While this is marinading, go ahead and plug everything in and start chopping onion and avocado.
3. Once everything is chopped, make your brownies.**
4. After your brownies are made and have come out of the oven to cool, make your instant rice according to the box directions. Before it's entirely cooked, go ahead and add the chopped cilantro, a little salt, the juice of half of the lime and 2 pads of butter. Set aside and let fluff.
5. Add quartered and sliced onion into pan and saute. When they start to sweat, add a teaspoon of brown sugar until they're transparent and brown. Make sure you do this on low-med heat unless you like burn onion smell wafting in your house for the next few days.
6. take your marinaded steak strips and quickly toss them on the grill. mine took <5 min.
7. Take your tortillas and nuke them for 20 secs/3 tortillas to make them easier to fold.
8. Fill 'em up and chow down while hot! (Feel free to add more hot sauce if you like a little heat like myself...)

+

York Peppermint Patty Brownies
Ingredients:
8 Large peppermint patties/ 15 small patties
Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Brownie Mix
1 tub Dark chocolate frosting
2 Eggs
1/4 cup oil
1/2 cup water
3/4 cup chocolate chips

1. mix all ingredients minus the patties and icing in a large bowl
2. pour half of the batter into a baking dish
3. unwrap and lay the patties on top
4. pour rest of batter on top of patty layer
5. bake according to box
6. let cool and spread on the icing!

_______________________________________________________

Midnight in the garden of the good and great

2010-04-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

John Berendt's book "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" is one of my all-time favorite stories, and got me hooked on the quaint quirkiness that is Savannah, Georgia. For the longest time, I've wanted to go down there for a vacation if to do nothing other than see the infamous Lady Chablis and the Man with the Invisible Dog. Having said that, I've gotta admit, Savannah ain't got NOTHIN' on San Diego. Seriously, this city has got it goin' on! From their temperate weather to the quaint towns to their seventy-mile beaches, this city really has something for everyone. Not to mention....awesome breweries, of course. ;)

After a killer Michael Buble concert Friday night in LA, Geoff and I drove down the scenic mountain highway two hours to Oceanside Beach. Per my request, we basked in the 75*F sun for [only] an hour (for fear that Geoff might stain his pasty European thighs with this nasty thing called a "tan") before we sailed off (in the Hyundai) to the sea port of St. James.**Here, we disembarked at the climax of our 2-day destination...(dah, duhn, duh...) Stone Brewery. That's right, the 18th largest-selling craft brewery in America, who, ironically, doesn't give a shit (ie-read their label disclaimers). This is the same brewery that BeerAdvocate Magazine called "the all-time top brewery on planet earth.The most popular and highest-rated brewery ever." I find it semi-odd that Beeradvocate Mag, with all the different craft breweries it promotes would cream itself so much over this particular brewery, but...whatever.

I can, however, attest to its amazing World Bistro Beer Garden. This bistro specializes in using only fresh and local ingredients to create their worldly fare, all thanks to the masterminds Arturo Franco, and Nikki Myrick. "OMG, what?!?! A female soux chef?! No way!" Yes way. And let me tell you, the cuisine this pair cranks out is, dare I say, better than anything I've ever had/made with beer. The way they incorporated their aggressive beers into local food is really something amazing.

For example, because our tummies were all full of yummy beer- mine with Stone's Bashah, a collaboration ale with Brewdog which I'll detail in a second, and Geoff's with Stone's Sublimely Self Rightous Ale- we decided to go big but small. (wait, what?!?) Meaning: big taste, small portion. So we decided to split an appetizer, entree, and salad. The app, the Mac' and Beer Cheese, this was probably one of the best dishes I've had, like ever,made with Mike's Stone Smoked Porter & Garlic Beer Cheese with sun dried tomatoes and basil, with Stone Smoked Porter Sausage from San Marcos' T&H Prime Meats & Sausage. (These guys are amazing- they are obviously baller enough to get their own cheese and sausage made!) Both Geoff and I agreed: I'm learning how to make beer cheese and we are making this again. Not a doubt in my mind this will come true- with or without Geoff present. (Maybe I should buy stock in Lactaid??)

Before the entree came, Geoff and I made sure to indulge in one more amazing beer each. His, the classic Stone Pale Ale was as good as they come, but MINE..ooooh mine...was the Sierra Nevada 30th Anniversary Fritz & Ken Ale; a $25, collaboration stout with Anchor Brewing Co. out of San Fransisco. And my-oh-my! If there existed a better imperial stout I wouldn't know. (Yeah, the Guinness/Dragon's Milk-girl said it.) This deep, smooth, clean, yet crisp stout is totally snifter- and cellaring-worthy. Um, and would have been the perfect aperitif to our next course had it not been poured from a 750 mL corked bottle. Slightly panicked, because no beer this good should be rushed and we were awaiting the brewery tour within the hour, Geoff and I asked what we could do about it; only able to breath easy when our server told us we could re-cork it and take it home. (Isn't California AMAZING?!?!)

By the time we'd thoroughly cleansed our palates with my SN F&K 30-Ale, our dinner-3-BBQ duck tacos, and salad-The Salad Formerly known as Caesar, were presented in front of us. If you weren't drooling over the Mac' and Beer Cheese appetizer mentioned earlier, look down. Your Itouch, Iphone, Ipad or keyboard should have a small viscous puddle on it. (Don't bother cleaning it up, just wait until I'm done describing it! ;) ) While I started on the salad (having to rip myself away from my beer for the moment), Geoff tackled the tacos. Now, I'm a self-proclaimed "salad queen" having dabbled in the world of Raw Food and ordering when at nearly every meal, so I can confidently say "I KNOW my salads"...and this? This one was decent, meaning I've had better (thinking duck with caramelized onions, blueberries, candied pecans, and goat cheese). But that's not to say I didn't like it- I guess I was just looking for a more peppery, parmesan-y, anchovie-ish taste, and when I got roasted red pepper and jalepeno gouda, I was thrown for a loop.
However, the duck tacos, which I nearly had to fight for a bite of, were out of this world. The combination of BBQ sweet, asiago tangy & salsa spicy of the Chile de Arbol-Stone Levitation Ale BBQ sauce that marinates the succulent duck perfectly compliments the asiago cheese and pineapple habanero salsa it shares a tortilla with. This sent my head reeling and before I regained consciousness, they were demolished. (Thanks Geoff- you rock at sharing. See how much of my Jalapeno Cheesecake you're going to get, ha!)

So as I grabbed for my SN F&K 30 to distract my tastebuds, I happened to glance down at my watch-F**k! We had only 10 minutes till Tour Time. This meant I had to order my dessert (there was NO way I was leaving without a slice of that Jalapeno Cheesecake), bring it and the SN30 out to the car, get the bill, break the seal, and get in line.Thankfully my right hand man ordered and ran everything out to the car while I waited in line- both at the bathroom and the brewery.

The tour, I must say was nice...interesting for Geoff, but repetitive for me. I did like our tour guide though he was clearly tripping on something a little stronger than hops. It made me totally want to work for a brewery like that or to eventually create my own. Seriously, Stone, are you looking for any chicks to brew/promo your brews?!?!

**Interesting tidbit: if San Diego is translated to English, it'd mean Saint James. San="Saint" and Diego=Latin for Iago=English for James. Who knew!!**

Yeah, I tapped that! (Cask, that is...)

2010-04-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys, no juicy story here; I'm not one to kiss and tell. I am however, never opposed to drinking and telling. Which is exactly what I did at the Winking Lizard Cask Conditioned Ale Festival...and a LOT of it, might I add. I'm beginning to find that it's quite dangerous for me to go to these craft beer "buffets" that mask themselves as "festivals"; its difficult to try just ONE of each beer, especially when you've found a favorite. The problem is that I generally find more than just one favorite, and in order to find those "favorites", I have to taste-test all of them. So when there's over 15 different beers ranging between 5 and 12 percent alcohol, and in my special case 42% alcohol (which I will explain later) taste-testing all night can get a little rough.Thank God the creators of these things think ahead to serve food, and since this was hosted by the WL, the food was obviously delish, which helps, trust me.

The night started out with a complimentary pint glass at the door and a Brewdog Paradox Isle of Arran, a 10% ABV whiskey-cask aged imperial stout. The reason I chose to divulge in this first was because it was actually suggested to me by the beer guy at my local Whole Foods, who pointed out that if I liked JW Lees Lagavulin Ale, that this would probably be right up my alley. While it was delicious with its notable fig, vanilla, and obvious chocolate flavors, I can't say that I enjoyed it more than my JW Lees. You see, in comparison, the Isle of Arran seemed watery, and it was hard to detect the whiskey flavors in the already intense imperial stout flavor. Don't get me wrong...I'd drink it again. If someone else paid for it.

The next thing that caught my eye was the Thirsty Dog Orthus with Sweet Cherries. To my [pleasant] surprise, TD offered two versions of this; one Orthus Stout, and one Orthus Dubbel Ale. Of course I tried both, a couple times, just to make sure that I preferred the Dubbel. The double Dubbel-tasting proved me right, even though both Matteo and Danthemaniel both liked the stout better. I guess I just wasn't in the mood for chocolate-covered cherries that night because that's EXACTLY what the stout reminded me of. The Dubbel was like a Amaretto and Cran, but in beer form. In both, you could definitely taste the fact that they used seven different types of malt, but not so much of the three different hop varieties.

Next up was the Avery Dry-Hopped Maharaja. After I stole a sip from Matteo (call me the beer-burlgirler, lol) I ran over to this cask to get a whole pour of my own. For an IPA, (which are generally not my favorite, but have been slowly growing on me...) it was really good. It had obvious pine and citrus notes and was really balanced, especially for a dry-hopped IPA. *For those of you who aren't familiar with the term "dry-hopping" it's when the hops are added after the wort has cooled and the beer has fermented and is mainly added solely for aroma. Some places, like Dogfish Head Brewery use a tube filled with whole hop flowers that is connected to the tap, where the beer runs through them; this tube is called Randal the Enamel Animal named after the guy at Dogfish Head who invented it. God they're smart over there aren't they?!

I believe this is the point were I broke from the drinking and swung by the food table. Like I said, food ends up being crucial at one of these "festivals", and if WL was smart they would have charged extra for it. Lucky for me, they weren't so I pigged out on carmelized onion and fontina pizza, BBQ chicken pizza, a guyere and BBQ pulled pork sandwich, and a bunch of cheese/sausage bites, while Matteo watched in pain. (I guess that serves you right for being overly ambitious with your Lenten promise.) Mmmm Mmmm Good! Eat that Campbells!

After I was full to just about the brim, I decided to try out the smoked ale by GLBC called Engine 20. One word: Lame. Seriously, after having had a REAL smoked beer (actually called a rauchbeir) like Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Marzen, I don't think I can go back to a weak Americanized version of one. Damn you Germans and your stupid lager perfectionism! You've made me a lager-snob!

I then decided to drown my sorrows from the dissappointment that was Engine 20 with a Heavy Seas Siren Noire. This is a smooth-drinking imperial stout brewed with cocoa nibs. Supposedly it's named after the Sirens that lured seafarers off course into their demise, but I hardly find the name apt. While the beer itself is as easy-drinking as any other "session beer", at only 8% ABV, I find it hard to believe it could lead me to my demise. Perhaps a six-pack of them, but certainly not one.

To switch things up, I then tried the Troegs Flying Moulan Barleywine. Well, I thought I was swtiching things up until I tasted it. What I tasted was a similar cocoa-like flavor as the Heavy Seas, NOT the pungent/fruity flavor I thought I was going to get. It was then that I remembered that just because the name has "wine" in the title, it does not mean that a Barleywine necessarily has to taste like wine. Barleywine can range from sweet and tart (like a wine) to extremely hoppy and dry. This one was the latter. Troegs boasts it tastes like someone sucker-punched their Nugget Nector. While I wouldn't go so far as to say that, it was a really yummy, complex beer and at 9.3% had me reeling!

Knowing that I still had a couple brews I HAD to try before I left, I made my back over to the food. This time, though, I hit up some awesome 3-layer chocolate cake which serendipitously paired really well with the little bit of Troegs I had left in my glass. While this luscious slice of heaven soaked up a little of the alcohol out of my stomach, I scoured the room to find my next potential victim. What I picked was the Goose Island Bourbon County Vanilla; arguably my favorite beer of the night. Wait, scratch that- second favorite beer of the night. (More on this to come.) The reason I loved it so much had nothing to do with it's 12% ABV or that it smelled like snickerdoodle cookies, but rather because of the way GI balanced the flavors of a stout with a bourbon, and didn't end up making it taste like spiked hot cocoa.

Because I took my time sipping and savoring my Bourbon County Vanilla, I ran out of time to try all the beers I had wanted to. Fortunately, tho, I had a couple dudes who let me try each of the ones they got, so at least I didn't miss out on tasting any. Here's my notes on the rest:

Brewdog Hardcore IPA (Imperial IPA 9%)- "Omg, did they put anything other than hops in here?"
Founders Red's Rye PA (Rye Beer 6%)- mmmmmm... malt.
Left Hand 400 lb Monkey (English IPA 6.7%)- I'll stick with the Milk Stout, thanks though.
Sierra NEvada Dry-Hopped Brown Ale (American Brown Ale 5%)- "Um, did someone add SNPA to my Dort?"
Burton Ridge Thomas Sykes Old Ale (Old Ale 10%)- They make alcoholic cream soda?
New Holland Mad Hatter IPA (IPA 5.25%)- I think he should stick to tea.
Victory Hop Wallop (Imperial IPA 5.25%)- whoa bitter. whoa.

And last but not least, after getting to schmoozing with some of the distributors and regional managers, I was allowed the biggest privileged of them all- to try the Sink the Bismark by Brewdog. For those of you who have not heard of this beer, let me educate you. This is the world's strongest beer at 42% ABV. yeah. 42. That's stronger than most liquors and creepily infringing on Everclear. And much like Everclear, after only 3 oz of this stuff, the room starts looking a little more foggy and the men start looking a heck of a lot cuter. I actually wish, though that this stuff had a distinct flavor, but all I can say is that yes there were hops, yes it was fizzy, and yes, I am the first and only NON-INDUSTRY person in the states to have tried this. Eat that!

BBQ= Boys, Beers, and Queers

2010-04-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

Normally when one thinks of Easter, they think of egg hunts, candy, and a six-foot tall man dressed in a bunny suit. Wait, you don't think of that? Shit. Well, maybe you think of church, salvation, and some guy named Jesus. Either way, I'm pretty sure you don't think lobster, BBQ, boozing, and bars, right? yeah, that's what I thought. I never had either, until this Easter, and after the shananagans that went down, I don't know if I'll be able to look at it any other way again.

You see, my family sorta forgot to invite me to Easter this year, so I was left to come up with my own means of celebrating the holiday. Much like any other reason to celebrate, I spent it doing what I always do- partying it up. Thank God I had friends this year that were stuck in the same predicament as well, being a)familyless b)not Catholic or c)alcoholic. With half of these friends having given up meat for the season, and given that it was 75* out that day made a BBQ utterly necessary. So I fired up my little baby grill (which I plan to paint pink or something in the near future just to emasculate it even more), picked up some chicken thighs, bison burgers, baked beans, and Sweet Baby Rays and went to town. Luckily, I had friends that were generous enough to BYOB seeing as though we polished off what remained in my fridge within the hour. One of my friends, Ko-ray was even smart enough to BYOCHB (bring your own corn hole board) so that we could bask in the BBQ-ness of the night.

I feel like I could go into detail about how I grilled a BBQ chicken, but I'm sure it's pretty self-explainatory. 1-De-fat chicken, 2- soak in Sweet Baby Rays, 3- grill for 10 min per side, 4- chow down. As far as the baked beans went, it was as easy as 1- open can, 2-dump in pot, 3- add bacon, 4- enjoy with chicken. That's all. Go for it!

Among some of the beer I tried while cooking/eating was Golden Draak, Augustin, Bruegel, Piraat, Bornem Trippel and Dubbel, Magic Hat's Spring Ale, and Stoven and E's Porter from Brewkeeper. The first six of those being from a beligian variety pack that was "donated" as an apology gift from a friend (which got me thinking- maybe I should get mad at people more often if it gets me packs of beer...) After our fabulous dinner, the crazy ones among us decided to pack up and go out on the "town" of coventry- first to La Cav and then off to McNulty's and B-side. At La Cav, I enjoyed an AMAZING North Coast Old Rasputin Imperial Stout, at McNulty's I had an Avery New World Porter, and at B-side I had a 90 Minute IPA by DFH.

Want some chocolate with that wine?

2010-03-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

This sounds like something my New York native mother always used to say to me as a kid; "would you like some cheese with that whine?" But rather it wasn't meant as a generous offer as it may sound; it was an admonishment for being a brat. (Later on in life, this was usually followed with the response of "maybe you need some cheese, you salty cracker," under my breath. ah, rebellion never dies...) Now had it been a real offer, and had it involved chocolate instead of cheese (being lactose intolerant that's never been such the "treat" for me...), I would have ended up looking like Augustus Gloop from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Luckily, for me and for everyone else I hang out with, I happen to lack an Augustus-like affinity for chocolate. Someone who does, however, is one of my best friend's boyfriends, Ricardo, whose birthday was this past weekend. And even though Ricardo and I lack the mutual love of bean, we do however share an affection for wine. Consequently, because I was instructed NOT to get a gift for this monumental occasion, I opted to, of course, make one, and what better gift than to combine two of his loves? Chocolate + wine = Vinobrownies = orgasmic. This is how it's done:

Syrah Brownies

Ingredients:

1 cup 2001 Syrah
3/4 cup butter
4 ounces unsweetened chocolate
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour

1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2.Lightly butter a 13x9-inch baking pan.
3.In a small saucepan, simmer wine over medium heat until reduced to 1/4 cup. Pour into a large bowl and set aside.
4In top of a double boiler, melt butter and chocolate over simmering water.
5.Pour into wine and whisk until smooth.
6. In top of double boiler, whisk together sugar, eggs and vanilla over simmering water until very light and thick. Pour into chocolate mixture and whisk until smooth.
7. Stir in flour and ½ cup of pecans. Pour into prepared pan and bake for 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool. and set aside.

**I HIGHLY suggest you lick the spoon! It's like semisweet fudge, yum!**

Wine Glaze

Ingredients:

3 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/3 cup Syrah
2 oz bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped
3/4 stick (6 tablespoons) unsalted butter, cut into pieces

1.Whisk together sugar, cocoa, and wine in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil, whisking, then simmer 2 minutes, whisking occasionally.
2.Add chocolate and whisk until melted.
3. Remove from heat and whisk in butter until smooth.
4. Chill glaze, stirring occasionally, until thick and spreadable.

5. pour glaze over cooled brownies.Refrigerate until consumption...then watch them disappear.

** don't forget the whisks! those are great for "taste-testing" your product too. Especially when you it's too noticeable if you cut a chunk out for yourself.**

Real girls eat meat

2010-03-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

For a Catholic gal who doesn't really eat all that much meat throughout the week, Lent poses an issue. See, I'm the type that lives very mildly during the week, and likes to "do it up" on the weekends- I'm talking big food, big drinks, and even bigger bad decisions. So, by the time Friday approaches, I'm usually hankering for a steak or roast or lamb or anything that has four limbs and lives on a farm (I'm not talking cats, dogs, donkeys or horses, ok people? This is America, not China. We don't eat our pets.) That means, during the pre-Easter season, that my carnal side is super whiny by the time Saturday comes around.

This year, Lent has posed me with yet another issue- two of my foodies have decided to give up meat all together. Oh yeah, and they don't tell me until we're already out. Such was the case of last weekend; Friday, I was informed at a Korean Steakhouse, (yes, Steakhouse) that my fellow diner (who is not even Christian, mind you) had given up meat for "season". Not the "Lenten Season", mind you. Oh no. The "training season." Yeah... I guess that means no Korean BBQ ribs, huh? Whatever. And then again on Saturday, while another friend of mine were walking through the WSM trying to decide what to cook that night; "Uh, oh yeah. I forgot to tell you, I gave up meat for Lent." Like seriously? Are the zoophagous gods spiting me or what? Ugh!

In both cases, it called for some serious culinary creativity. On Friday, we opted for Salted Cod (which was absolutely fantastic), a lobster omelet, and kimchi. Oh and this awesome rice-based sake stuff called Soju, which swiftly replaced sake as my favorite distilled spirit behind scotch. After that, we hit up a great little martini joint that's...gasp!...right across the street from me! It's called "The Fairmount" and it rivals my favorite Cleveland speakeasy, The Velvet Tango Room. I have to give Mark a shout-out for suggesting the pineapple-jalapeno shot which was surprisingly awesome.

The next night, was an even bigger hit than the one before. After a great smoked-salmon salad and clam chowder at the Cafe, Matteo and I attempted to come up with something oceanic to cook while perusing the rest of the West Side Market. The hardest part was trying to focus on seafood, when clearly all that both of us wanted was meat; it was like putting a T-rex in a zoo and telling him he gets a tofu-steak when you get home. What a cruel joke. Anywho, we were able to finally settle on oysters, mako shark, artichokes and squash. Wanna see what we did with 'em? Don't 'cha? Well, take a look!

Oysters on the half shell with Paprika Aoli
What you need:
a sharp knife, a strong boy, a towel, large bowl, small bowl, food processor

Ingredients:
10 large raw oysters

2 medium garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
1 large egg
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
1 1/4 cups extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 tablespoon sweet paprika
1 teaspoon kosher salt

1. Fill large bowl with ice, sprinkle with salt, set aside
2.With towel ready in your weaker hand, and knife ready in your stronger one, attempt to pry open the shell of the oyster. It's difficult. It's prolly a better idea to make your strong boy do it. He should be ready and hungry.
3. Once they're opened, place them on top of the ice and put in the fridge.
4. Make Paprika Aoli:
a) mix all ingredients in a food processor or magic bullet.
b) drizzle on raw oysters and artichokes

Wine-braised Artichokes
Things you will need:
CAST IRON SKILLET, tongs, large sauce pot, measuring cup

Ingredients:
2 whole artichokes
white wine
1 sprig thyme
EVOO

1. cut artichokes in half
2. drizzle EVOO in CAST IRON SKILLET, place artichoke halves cut-side-down on skillet and sautee for 2-minutes.
3. place grilled artichoke halves in pot filled with 1/2 cup white wine and thyme sprigs, salt and pepper
4. cover and steam for 20 minutes to soften
5. remove, plate, and drizzle with aoli, salt and pepper

Mako Shark
Things you will need:

CAST IRON SKILLET, tongs/spatula

Ingredients:
2 mako shark steaks
salt & pepper
EVOO

1. Set oven to 350*F.
2. Salt and pepper each side of the steak.
3. drizzle EVOO in bottom of CIS
4.sear each side for ~2min on each side.
5. stick entire thing in oven for 4-5 min, depending on thickness
**note: Matteo suggests you keep an eye on this while it's in the oven because it cooks through surprisingly fast!**
6. remove, plate, and cover with tin foil until ready to eat.

Brown Rice with squash
Things you will need:
microwave-safe bowl, saute pan, chopping knife and block

Ingredients:
instant brown rice
1 yellow squash
1 zucchini
2 Tblsp butter

1. make as much instant brown rice as necessary according to box
2. chop the squash and zucchini and saute in frying pan with butter
3. add cooked rice to zucchini and toss to mix.
4. serve.

One of the reasons why it took Matteo and I so long (like 3 hours) in the WSM is because of these little beauties called blood oranges. Ever heard of them? They're these GORGEOUS (see pic) type of orange that was originally from Sicily. The interior, as you can see, is a garnet-red (like a darker ruby red grapefruit) due to a unique pigment they contain called anthocyanin.Ok, so maybe anthocyanin isn't unique to things like berries, red flowers, and autumn leaves (my dad's japanese maple comes to mind), but it IS unique to citrus fruits. Anthocyanin's, which are also considered an antioxidant, provide the blood orange with a health-linked advantage over a traditional orange. As for their taste, which is sweeter than a traditional orange, is sortof like a clementine with a hint of raspberry. And this slightly sweet/tart taste goes AMAZINGLY with gin, which is how we chose to use these dramatic Italian fruit.

Blood Orange Bluecoat
Things you may need:
fork or citrus juicer, rocks glasses, martini shaker, strainer?

Ingredients:
Bluecoat gin (I'm not one to tell you how much you should use. I guess it just depends on how hard of a day you had...)
2 blood oranges
Tonic (I prefer diet, but I'll take whatever)
ice

1.cut first blood orange in half, then slice one ring off both halves
2.using citrus juicer (if you're fancy) or a fork (if you're poor like me), juice a half an orange per drink being made (2 at a time in our case; NOT JUST BOTH FOR ME, might I add!)
3. According to Matteo: NEVER pour all ingredients into a martini shaker! just leave it on the counter to look pretty or make something else in it instead, pour juice, then gin, then tonic over ice in a rocks glass
4. stir with a spoon
5. slice remaining rings from the cut halves into slices, twist, and garnish.
6. sip to savor; this isn't a well drink people.

** Don't be alarmed if your counter top looks like a murder scene. If anyone asks, just say you were just gutting a Sicilian fruit.**

Wanton at Wonton. Gourmet that is...

2010-03-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

I have said before that beer is much more than a drink; it is a magical libation that brings people together. In my experience, craft brew lovers are kind of like a Brew Frat- it doesn't matter where you're from, what you look like, your gender, style, or age; a fellow "brewster" as I'll call them, can be easily identified at any fine drinkery by the beacon they hold in their hand. Once you are identified, your relationship goes beyond that of mere aquatences, and you are united as brothers and sisters of the Craft Beer Nation. As fellow libationists, you share the secret knowlege and passion of the art of the barley pop, and like any other enthusiast, you seek to share your love with someone of the same fervor. Whether it is fair or not, this is how I have weeded out people in the past few years; I am not saying I completely write people off without getting to know them, BUT the trend I've noticed is that the same people who respect beer are innevitably the people I rend to respect. No different was the fatefull night of the Epic Blizzard of 2010, where I successfully used this theory to "filter" out the people I chose to hang out with.

At first, every portion of my being told me not to brave the storm, so I've only got one explaination as to why I did. After a stressful 2 hour jaunt to the country that ended up in humiliation and a near-death experience, I was quite shaken up and yearned for something tall, dark, and strong. (Hm, well, I was thinking more along the lines of a Imperial Stout tallboy, but I'll take the human kind too! *wink!*) So naturally, I took up the first offer that was given knowing that the majority of my usual crowd would have been too cautious to brave the storm. Well, not me and 2003 Golden Nugget (that's the name of my Neon-enough said) with its cracked windshield and check engine light; we'd taken on worse before, so what was a little snowbound adventure with an equally shitty 95 Corolla? Apparently, it was quite a ride that ended me up at Cobalt, a hole-in-the-wall where a friend from highschool bartends.

When I first walked in, I was really worried...is this place going to have any real beer? Most dive bars I've been to can only pride themselves on their selection of Buds and Millers. But not this bar, this bar not only had draught taps of (gasp!) craft beer, they also had a little mini-fridge full of it! I was elated! "Maybe this night is going to end up okay after all!" I thought to myself as I strolled up to the bar. I'm pretty used to standing on my tippy toes to look over a bar, seeing as though I'm a few inches shy of being...(what do we have to call them now????....um..oh yeah!) a Little Person. It's okay, I can still put away as much beer as a 7-foot man, so usually I'm not concerned. I'm also used to the mumbles of surprise when men see a "little thing like me" order a 750ml Stone IPA or Arrogant Bastard. "Whuts she got?" "Does she even know what that is?" "Honey, that's not a wine bottle..." Honestly, I've heard it all before. Generally my response is "No, you're right. It's not. It's an American Strong Ale out of California and has about double the ABV as your can of piss water and half the amount of attitude as me. But you enjoy that along with the rest of your night, and let me know if you want to know a thing or two about real beer." Which usually never ends well, but hey, I figure they were looking for a fight, and in that case they should pick on someone their own size- ie, a baby carrot. This night, however, was different; as I was peering over the bar to see the contents of the minifridge armed with my normal slue of prodding questions regarding the selection, the guy sitting next to me actually said, "hey, if you like a good beer, try Arrogant Bastard. They've got the Oak-aged. I'm drinking it and it's awesome." That's it. No derogatory comments, no mumbling, no raised eyebrows... just pure respect. I turned around to see who this fellow libationist was. That's when I met Lars.

Now, you may have been thinking, "um, so what does this have to do with wontons?" Well, here's where you find out: To make a long story short, Lars and I became friends over an Arrogant Bastard, (ironically not just the beer, lol.) and found out we had a lot of things in common beyond our love for beer. Amongst a passion for working out, godchildren, and the medical feild, we also both love food. All different types of it and everything about it- the preparation, the taste, and the experience. So, naturally, we had to go on a tastbud adventure as soon as possible, which brought us to the subject of this post, Wonton Gourmet.

Looking like not much more than any other laundromat or CashAdvance in Cleveland's China Town, Wonton Gourmet is that neon yellow awning off of E. 32nd and Payne. And while it's outside appearances may be a little off-putting, let me warn you not to judge this book by it's cover! Inside is the most authentic chinese restaurant in Cleveland to date decorated with pictures of thier menu items for your reference. It is run by sweet men and women who, almost adorabley, don't speak much English, but make up for their lack of words with exceptional cuisine.

Because Lars spoke fluent Chinese, (I know, right?!?) and because food is served family-style, he ordered for the both of us, which I didn't mind one bit. I figured he knew what he was talking about (literally, unlike myself for once), and was he ever! After what only seemed like a few minutes, Our server paraded out three heaping plates and two huge bowls- one filled with rice, the other with a 3-dumpling, you guessed it, wonton soup. Let me just step back and say that this soup was phenomenal! Best wonton I'd ever had hands down (sorry Hunan!) with shrimp, pork, and vegetarian dumplings. The plates contained the craziest dishes ever; 1) garlic-tossed yam leaves, 2) chive potstickers, and 3) szechuan pork belly, all of which were absolutely fantastic. The yam leaves were aldente with a perfect hint of garlic, the potstickers were fabulous, and NOT just because I hadn't had a potsticker since I was a freshman in college, and while I was initially put off by the fact that the "pork" was actually more like fried strips of fat, that all disappeared with the first bite. Spicy, but not too hot, saucey but not drenched, oh and perfectly cooked. For dessert, we got complimentary red bean curd-filled tapioca in a simple syrup.

And while we didn't get a fortune cookie, I feel like I'd already gotten lucky!

Brew Keeper Beer Pairing Dinner

2010-03-05T09:44:00.000-08:00

"A man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat and to drink and to be merry."

Ecclesiates 8:15.

"Jesus loves us, yes he do, he put beer here for me and you!"

See? Even the Bible agrees! Okay, so maybe they used a little different verbage, but the gist of what it's saying is that beer and food are two of the top things that make us measly humans happy. Even Jesus liked the two together-well....maybe it was wine, and not beer, BUT had he known about beer, I bet the Good Book would read QUITE a bit differently! And if they are both intrinsically awesome on their own, just imagine how they are when put together!

I feel that beer and food fall amongst the great pairs of all time; think Abott &Costello, Bonnie &Clyde, PB&J, Tom&Jerry, Batman &Robin, Cheech & Chong, Gumby & Pokey, Beavis & Butthead, Salt &Pepper (both the spices and the rappers)...you get the picture. In fact, the thing that I love most about beer is that because it is so complex and has so many different notes and flavors, you can let your imagination go wild with it in the kitchen. (I'm talking exclusively craft beers and imports- NOT light American beers that need to be served cold to distinguish them from piss.) That's why, when Stoven & E announced that they had bottled another batch of their BrewKeeper ales, I pounced at the chance to do a dinner-pairing. I mean, I'd made many-a-dinners (and even a breakfast) where I sought a beer out to complement the meal I was cooking, but never had I started with just the ale and sought a meal to match with it. Call me an amateur, but it was quite the adventure looking up how this complemented that and which flavors contrasted each other...I learned so much, thanks to sites like BarleyDine and Left Hand Brewing Company and brew.cook.pair.joy who supplied the great advice I used for this dinner and cool other stuff that I can't wait to use for another!

With all the options, tips, and advice, it was hard for me to narrow down a menu based on three different ales that I had never even tasted. But alas, I was finally able to, and here's what I came up with:
1) appetizer= calamari with a spicy IPA dipping sauce
    main course= oxtail-brie ravioli with sauteed onion and mushroom carbonnade sauce to accompany the Brown Ale
    dessert=chocolate molton cake with raspberry glace to compliment the Porter

2) appetizer= smoke gouda and summer sausage stacks to compliment the Brown Ale
    main course=Porter-braised short ribs with a Maple-rosemary-chipotle glaze + Garlic Mashed potatoes with Brown Ale Gravy + IPA Sweet & Hoppy Coleslaw
    dessert=IPA creme brulee tart with a coconut macaroon crust.

I know, I know, having two menus doesn't really seem like I did a very good job of narrowing down my choices, but trust me, when you start off with five or six, you're really ~~pairing~~ parring down to get just a couple.And because I'm so indecisive ( I am a girl, ya know...) I decided to leave the choice up to Stoven, who chose the second menu over the first. (Which was kinda fortuitous seeing as though neither of us have a pasta-maker.)

The method I used for the ribs was a "braise-then-broil" method adapted from Serious Eats Indoor Grilling article, and it worked ABSOLUTELY FANTASTICALLY! This way, I was able to chop (excuse the pun) off 2/3 the amount of time it would take to braise ribs, and they were still falling off the bone! The scrapings from the broiling pan were used to make the gravy for the mashed potatoes, and the IPA that I used in the coleslaw was the same used in the creme brulee, but the flavors of each were COMPLETELY different. I think, because I didn't cook the coleslaw, the hoppy character was dominant and retained in the final product, whereas in the creme brulee, it must have caramelized as it cooked off in the oven, and more of the malty character was present.

**Before I hand over the recipes, I should note that this is a time-consuming dinner. If you are not good at multitasking or even the least bit drunk while you attempt to make this, you while most likely ruin something. Also, if I were to change a few things, I would sear the ribs in A LOT less oil, and even add some sort of cornstarch or thickening agent to the braising liquid to make it more of a BBQ sauce texture instead of a broth. Also, I'd add a LOT less IPA to the cornstarch and make sure your coconut milk is SWEETENED!!! I made the mistake of using unsweetened and had to sub in leftover sweetened condensed milk to compensate for the bitter hops of the IPA. For the macaroons, be warned, you're going to get your hands dirty; perhaps invest in gloves, especially if you have nails- the last thing you want to do is have to pick coconut out of your nails at your 9-o'clock business policy meeting. Gross.**

Porter-Braised Short Ribs with Maple-Rosemary-Chipotle Glaze
Ingredients:
4lbs short ribs
6 Tblsp maple syrup
3 Tblsp Minced Garlic
1 small yellow onion, diced
1 tsp chipotle pepper
1 bottle porter
1 Tblsp canola oil
2-3 Tblsp Worcestershire sauce
3-4 Tblsp Rosemary (or 1 sprig)
1 bay leaf
pinch of sea salt & ground black pepper

1. Preheat oven to 300*F
2. Remove slab of ribs from packaging, and cut in two.
3. Heat oil in CAST IRON SKILLET until shimmery, then toss in the diced onions and garlic to soften. Then place the ribs, convex-side-down and sear until brown. Flip them back over so the concave side is down and add the remaining ingredients in this order: Porter(in bottom of skillet), Worcestershire sauce (all over the top of the meat), maple syrup, rosemary, chipotle pepper, salt, pepper, and bay leaf.
4. Place a pizza brick over the skillet (or if it has a lid, use that) and transfer the whole thing to the oven. Let it braise for 60-80 minutes.
5. Remove from oven and using tongs, place ribs on a broiling pan.
6. Turn up heat to broiling temp and place Ribs back in oven on pan (no juices!) and broil for 2-4 minutes.
7. While broiling, skim fat off Porter drippings and reduce on high. (Feel free to add a thickening agent now.)
8. Take ribs out of oven, plate, and drizzle sauce over top. Viola!

IPA Sweet & Sour Slaw
Ingredients:
1 bag coleslaw
1 bag broccoli slaw
1 can SWEETENED coconut milk
1/4 c. Brown sugar
1 bag chopped dates
1 tsp chipotle pepper
2 oz. IPA

1. dump all dry ingredients into big bowl.mix to combine.
2. Pour IPA over top.
3. Pour coconut milk over top of that.
4. Mix with a giant spoon. Stick in the fridge (the longer the better) and serve.

Beer Gravy
Ingredients:
Meat scrapings from broiler and CAST IRON SKILLET
1/8 C.flour
1 Tblsp. Worcestershire sauce
2/3 cup brown ale

1. pour brown ale in bottom of empty CAST IRON SKILLET
2. heat on medium while scraping bottom of pan
3. scrape off the bottom of broiling pan into SKILLET
4. stirring the scrapings, add flour, stir until thickened and add more flour as necessary for desired consistency
5. add worcestershire sauce and stir. Serve over garlic mashed golden yukon potatoes.

Creme Brul-[IP]-A with Coconut Macaroon Crust
Ingredients:
Macaroon Crust:
3 C. shredded coconut
1/2 can Fat Free sweetened condensed milk
1/3 cup flour
1tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp salt

1. Preheat oven to 350*F
2. combine salt, coconut, and flour in large bowl and mix with hands.
3. add vanilla, condensed milk and mix with hands until well-blended
4. press into the bottom of a greased baking dish or ramekins.
5. Stick into oven until golden/brown on top.

Creme Brulee:
3 3/4 c heavy cream
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 c. sugar
6 egg yolks
1/4 c IPA

1. Preheat oven to 300*F
2. separate eggs and add sugar. Beat until light yellow and creamy.
3. Meanwhile, bring cream and vanilla to a simmer on the stove.
4. Remove from stove and let cool ~ 10 min. Pour this into the egg mixture and beat until ivory and smooth.
5. Remove crust from oven and pour creme brulee mixture ontop until baking dish is full.
6. Fill a separate larger casserole dish full of water and place baking dish into it.

7. Place in oven for 30-40 minutes, or until it jiggles in the pan.
8. Remove from oven and place in fridge to cool ~ 3 hours.
9. When ready to serve, top with a thin layer of sugar and torch until a hard carmelized shell forms. Enjoy!

Whiskey Girl's love bacon

2010-02-22T07:26:00.000-08:00

To cap off (pop-ff, not twist-off, cummon- I have class people) what can only be described as the best weekend EVER, I accompanied Stoven to a Whiskey Dinner at Grovewood Tavern in Collinwood. As mentioned in my Argyle Winery Dinner from back in October, I'd been to Grovewood Tavern before and am very familiar with the place, so OBVIOUSLY no one had to twist my arm to get me to go. I would practically sell my firstborn child for the opportunity to dine there, so for that night Stoven was a god for inviting me.

When we got there, the crowd was small, which is understandable given the size of the tavern and the fact it was a Monday night. The Turk was working so he led us over and sat us down, were we had a glass of whiskey waiting for us (the best way to start out a night in my opinion...with a drink waiting for you). To be more precise, the drink was actually an aperitif, they called a Weeski Cocktail, which was one of my two favorite drinks for the night. Being described by David Wondriech (Esquire's chief cocktail authority) as "the French version of whiskey", it is a cocktail blend of Lillet, Contreau, orange bitters, and Irish Whiskey. Unbeknownst to me before this night, but surely obvious to me after it, was that Irish whiskey lacks the smokey character of Scotch and the piney character of American whiskey, making it perfect for blending with sweet liqueurs such as Lillet and Contreau, and a perfect introduction to a night filled with full-bodied liquor consumption.

This was followed by a salad of Mesclun greens tossed in a spicy citrus dressing with a coconut-encrusted baby banana and a seared prawn. (<-- Yes, "a". Just one. Which was weird, but okay considering we had 3 other courses following.) I found the single prawn and crusty banana a little distracting, and the fact that it was a creamy dressing sorta perplexed me, and although I'm a HUGE salad fan, I have to admit that I don't ever plan on making this again. (Sorry, not all my reviews can gush praise.) This dish's date for the night was a pour of George Dickel #12- better known as "the other Tennessee Whiskey." (Basically Jack D's nerdy cousin.) This was good, but not my favorite of the night by any means... probably due to the fact I'm not crazy about Jack in the first place, so the entire family literally "leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

Just as I was about to flag the server down and ask to trade for one of those Weeski's, he came swooping by and swept away my plate, replacing its empty space with another drink and our second course. This drink, a snifter of Wiser's Very Old Canadian Whisky, totally compensated for the first. I think it was the complexity of it's flavors that really sold me- Vanilla bean, dried apple, golden raisin, honey, and peppercorn were all detectable and equally delectable. The malt and honey glazed chicken breast served atop barley risotto was the Wiser's beau in this pairing, and like every other chicken dish I've had here at Grovewood, is ALWAYS perfectly cooked; moist, tender, and (thank God) no pink spots. (Even when recreating these dishes, I have never had a dry or overcooked breast, thigh, or whathaveyou if following their recipe; which is a miracle for me, since I seem to have (or had) a poultry curse.) The sweetness of the maple drew out the vanilla and honey notes of the whiskey quite well, and the crispy-ness of the chicken balanced the creaminess of the risotto and the sharpness of the spirit perfectly, making this my favorite course of them all tonight.

Almost too soon (not referring to the quality of service, but rather to the time allotted to enjoy such a great course), the waiter came by yet again and in a whirlwind of pouring, cleaning and serving, I had only to blink before there was the third course sitting in front of me. This one consisted of a seared filet medallion with root vegetable chips, drizzled with a peppercorn whiskey sauce and a snifter of GDB (George Dickel Barrel Select). The most notable thing about this pair was that the color of the whiskey and the sauce were both a striking auburn red color, as were the veggie chips. The GD, in contrast to the first, was very mellow and totally unlike any JD i'd ever had, with predominant notes of sichuan pepper, leather, and allspice. I know the rep mentioned something about mint beign present, but I didn't taste any. The meal was... so so. Which is difficult for me to say, because I have a slight writer's block against bashing steak, but, I'm not going to give credit where it isn't due.My apologies to the chef, but this steak can go back to the pasture. I felt it odd to eat a sirloin alongside glorified potato chips, and the peppercorn sauce tasted more like gravy than a sauce. If I ever recreate this one, I'm gonna back off the flour a bit to keep it more like a viscous au juis.

To end the dinner, but certainly not the night, we cheered the reps while cheers-ing glasses of Celting Crossing Liquor. Let me tell you, this stuff is "stop-and-you-pinch-yourself" good. A sumptuous blend of Irish whiskey, French Congnac, and honey, it swept me off my feet and onto cloud nine- and NOT because I'd just consumed my 5th glass of whiskey (each being quite generously poured). It reminded me of a whiskey-mead blend, with the almost syrupy mouthfeel of mead cut by the bite of the whiskey. Sip this along with an apple-cinnoman creme brulee, and you're in heaven. Heaven enough for me to have eaten two desserts (<--whatever, don't judge.)

Immediately following the last spoonful of that dreaded second dessert, I was summoned up to the bar to begin the afterhours with Stoven, where we discussed philosophy, psychology, and even ancient languages. It's always nice to have those friends who are able to talk sensibly and drink at the same time, especially when they're ADD; you cover an encyclopedic amount of topics over the span of one or two hours. Better yet, is when you have those kind of convos over great beer- like Stoven's Hopslam, and my bacon beer...

Yes, you read that right, I said bacon beer.

Actually, let me describe this one for you, you're REALLY gonna wanna try it!
To start off, this beer is not actually called "Bacon Beer", I just aptly named it that because it smells like a mix of campfire and my dog's Beggin' Strips. It's real name is Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier, demanding as much attention as any German Führer. But don't run away from it just yet, it's really not the smelly Nazi-ale I make it out to be. It's actually one of the smoothest, creamiest ales I've ever had, most certainly replacing Left Hand's Milk Stout as my favorite creamy ale. The taste is less of campfire and more of a maple-glazed bacon fried on a CAST IRON SKILLET; the kind of drink that would pair PERFECTLY with a ham and cheese omelet with buttered toast (Judy's-style of course; a trucker diner out in the stix where Stoven, E and I used to frequent on our "late start" days at NDCL. Oh, the memories..), or a great big slab of Sweet Baby Rays BBQ baby back ribs. For my first Rauchbeir, translating literally as "smoked beer", it really opened a whole new avenue of exploration. I can't WAIT to grab a couple bottles from Warehouse and experiment with some grub!

Stoven's Hopslam by Bell's brewery out of Kalamazoo was also fantastic. The hazy orange color of the IPA reflected the colors of both the orange and honey flavors that balanced out the piney taste of the hops. I wouldn't exactly say I was "slammed" by the hops, but I certainly wasn't slapped by it, a testiment to the drinkability of the beer.

After tasting the Hopslam, I sorta craved a spicy ale myself. The Rogue Juniper Pale Ale that I chose was a perfect choice, appealing to both my love for gin and my love for beer. "Gin?" you might ask? and the answer is "Yes, gin. Jen loves gin. Especially when it's used to make a double-dirty martini with blue cheese stuffed olives." But let me digress, the reason I say this beer appeals to my love for all things Sapphire is because gin, much like this ale, is made with juniper berries. Actually, it's essentially juniper-infused vodka, along with other things like orris root, licorice, angelica, coriander, cassia bark, cubeb berries,almonds, grains of paradise, and lemon peel.Overall, a very fragrant and complex-tasting beer...right up my alley. One of the beers I will definitely order again.

By the time I had finished the last drop of my Juniper Ale, Stoven convinced me that I was loooong overdue for a trip to La Cav. So we said goodbye to our new best friend (the bartender) and headed out to Coventry. Unfortunately, because it was nearing last call and both my partner in crime and I had to work in teh morning, we only had time for one drink-to split. What we settled on was...nevermind, must've had too much because I can't remember for the life of me what it was. Damn it, I hate it when that happens!

Winter Warmer Festival 2010

2010-02-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

I once saw a quote that said "A man's daughter and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season," and I can't think of anything more true. My dad not only meticulously weeded out boys in my life, but also went above and beyond to fill those "holes" with the seeds that would make me the person I am today. Of those planted, the one that thrived the most were the fun-loving/crazy/partier seed and the libation-loving seed, which probably contributes to why I can have such a good time with my dad whenever we get together. One such example was the Winter Warmer Festival at Rockbottom Brewery in the Flats. I remember when I'd found it (through 100% pure luck), good old Rick was the first person I thought to call, er rather, email. (yeah, he uses that now...how cool is that?) And like the good sport that he is, he agreed to accompany me. Ten minutes later, we had tickets to the coolest beer festival I've been to since Cleveland Beer Week- and if you'd like to know how much fun I had there, just visit some of my older posts.

(The Winter Warmer festival, in comparison to CBW is that it exhibits only local Ohio brewers, that you get to meet these brewers, and that they break out their "out-of-season" beers. That means we got to try pumpkin and Christmas and summer ales in the middle of February. Some even brought out their unreleased ales and draught-only. Some breweries don't even distribute, some are world-known. There was also a live band and an included lunch. Apparently, the tickets were good for 12 tastings, but I can guarantee I had upwards of 30, and I even got to swap business and blog info with a couple of the Master Brewers and Brewery Owners.)

I arrived right after my dad, having driven straight into town from a crazy weekend in Chicago with my old roommates. [Note to self: maybe it's not such a great idea to get blitzed the night before a beer fest 8 hours away. : /] Upon signing in, we were given an awesome little tasting glass and were set free to wander around the beautiful brewery that is Rockbottom and to enjoy lunch and unlimited beer tastings. We started off with lunch (always a smart thing to do, trust me; there's been FAR too many times where I forget to eat before I drink because I'm so excited to commence partying, and it always ends up in a dignity-squashing, Facebook-framing, hieroglyphic-texting mess. NOT something I wanted to have happen in front of my father.) which consisted of a really good pulled pork sandwich, baked mac and cheese, and some fruit salad that I didn't eat because it just seemed weird at the time. This set the perfect foundation to commence our savory escapades for the evening, and cured my developing queeziness from the night before.

This is when the fun really began; Rick was so funny, the way he was scurrying from table to table torn between wanting to take time to savor the beer he was presently drinking, and the anticipation to get onto the next. It sorta reminded me of the way I used to be at the Higbees at Tower City during Christmas- I could never focus on the task at hand because I was too anxious to get to the next set of gifts. Talk about role reversal, huh? We started out at Brew Kettle's table, where I got a Dark Helmet and my dad got the Jackhammer Barleywine. I don't know if he liked his, seeing as though it was his first Barleywine, but I can assure you that I loved mine. At 9% ABV, it was like a German black lager on crack.Dark, complex, thick and smooth, it was the first of many TBK beers I'll be experiencing in the near future...guaranteed.

Next stop was the Willoughby Brewing Co. table. Here I got a PB coffee porter, while Rick enjoyed a Doubting Thomas Double IPA. I wasn't all that impressed with mine, it tasted like someone opted for a tablespoon of Jiffy in their latte instead of creamer, but my dad's was excellent. His had notes of pine and mango and a smooth, but strong alcohol flavor which was reflected in the 10% ABV.
Moving around the room, we ended up at Fat Head, one of my new favorite breweries.I'd never heard of them before, but they certainly impressed me; I got their Xmas ale called "Pimp my Sleigh", and my dad got their Monkey off my Bock. Evidently I preferred my Belgian Style Dark Strong Ale with its bubblegum, banana, clove, and mystery spice flavors. It was SO unique and SO good, I'd be tempted to call it witchcraft on the tongue. I can't wait until I can find someone to visit their Saloon and Brewery with me in North Olmstead. Any takers? *wink!*

Next up was another new brewery to me called Rust Belt Brewing Company, where they only had two choices; their Coke Oven Stout and their Old Man Hopper's IPA. I decided to try the first while my dad tried the latter. I thought it was cool that the brewery was made in a old firehouse, but I can't say I was impressed with my beer. For a stout, I felt it was a tad too watery and fruity, and the ting of hoppiness present in the aftertaste left my tongue dry. Nothing too special overall.

I turned my attention swiftly to the next stand- the GLBC stand, which had their Blackout Stout, as well as two that I'd never heard of before: the Alberta Clipper and Tempus Fugit. Under the suggestion of the server, I opted for the Alberta Clipper; it was at best decent; a watery porter with barely any of the raspberry flavor it boasted. I realized I prolly should've gone with the Tempus, since honey and malts generally always appeal to me. (It's like giving a nerd a chance when you feel more comfortable dating jocks; it always disappoints.)

Continuing on our round-a-bout journey, we found ourselves at the Cornerstone Brewing company. They offered a beer called "Seven" and another called "Sexy Brown". I'm pretty sure you can guess which one I got versus which one my dad chose. Mine, the Sexy Brown, was a pretty good brown ale, but nothing I'd seek out. Actually I was really put off by Cornerstone because the server was so f***king rude, basically spilling the beer all over me and looking at me as though I had 3 eyes and a horrible fake ID. Idiot. My dad's could be considered the best IPA of all time...except, it sucked. So much that he poured it out, which, by the way, NEVER happens with the Scherbauers.

I was starting to get frustrated with our beer choices, but Rick pushed onward to the Ohio Brewing company table. Finally! A beer that could stand up to the taste and, gasp! a chick was serving. Very cool. As I signed up for their newsletter, they poured me their Smokin' Scotch Ale and Rick their Cardinal ale. His choice surprised me because he's the scotch aficionado of the two of us, but I think it was made because he had been up since 4am the night before and didn't feel the need to drink a 9% ABV beer...fricken party animal. LOL. I can't say much about this, except that it was a pretty good red ale with a significant amount of hops, and that it had a lot of awards tagged to its name. But it didn't hold a flame to mine. People, this. stuff. was. AWESOME! So strong and so smooth, it reminded me of a less-syrupy version of JW Hardy's Lagavulin Ale. The best part about it was that you could taste BOTH the oak adn the 15-year-old Balvenie scotch from the casks. Plus, it's smoked. Remember bacon beer? yeah, this had even a hint of that. Think scotch-soaked bacon cooked on a grill over oak chips. Ahhh! So good! (I love bacon, ps, if you haven't picked up on that already.)
We had one last table we had to hit up before we went downstairs. (To my disappointment, I couldn't find Indigo Imp or Thirsty Dog or Rocky River Brewing Company or Mainstreet Brewing. I guess that means I'll just have to take a field trip...who's in? No, seriously. Let me know!) Okay, so this wasn't actually a table, in fact, it was the only bar there. Probably because it was Rockbottom's brews. Yes, Rockbottom brews it's own beers on site (sorta like a chain GLBC) and they go right from the tank, through the tap, and into your glass. I decided to try their Black Mamba IPA which was BALLER! Just like the name suggests, this danced on my unguent as I drank it. I was so shocked that I liked this beer, because it's from a chain, but the mixture of hops, vanilla, oak, and bourbon was absolutely delish! (The 8.5% ABV didn't hurt either.) Dad opted for their Hop Bomb, which he liked. I wasn't a huge fan of the sip I took, but I was so enamored with mine, it didn't matter.

Because our great "Tour-de-en haut" was over, and the band was packing up, we made our way downwards to go chill at the lower bar. Here, we had some really great convo over some really really really great beer- from Hoppin' Frog Brewery. I am tellin ya, this brewery knows what it's doing. It has yet to disappoint, and I'm sad it took me until now to discover them. I've mentioned how crazy I am about their BORIS crusher in previous posts, so I made sure to have my dad try it. The first time I went up there, I made sure to try their double pumpkin ale, and it was everything a pumpkin ale should be, now competing for my top spot in that category with Southern Teir's Pumpking. Perhaps that's why it won the best tasting beer of the entire festival award.Figures. The next trip up there, we both tried their twist on their own BORIS- they strained it through smoked coffee beans. The result- FAN-FUCKING-TABULOUS! We also went back for a third and fourth of that, and would've gone back for a fifth except they were packing up to leave. So evidently we did too. Moral of the day: closing bars on Sundays with your pops is always great fun.

It didn't even take till I got to the door that my stomach was grumbling. As soon as he heard this, my dad, being the wonderful caregiver he is, insisted we go out somewhere in town. I mentioned the Flat Iron, in (you guessed it) the Flats, but it was closed, so we instead went to the Nauti Mermaid. Which was very much open and very much empty. Which was actually great. For a decent price, I got an awesome seafood quesadilla with my Dupoint Saison, (which was okay, not great) and Rick got a salmon gyro. Haha, yeah, mine was WAY better; I didn't tell Rick that though, especially since he offered me his left overs.. SHAZAAM! free dinner for the week. Not. too. shabby. ;)

in-cena fiesta de enchillajitas

2010-02-20T00:20:00.000-08:00

So, as most of you know, this was a jam-packed holiday weekend here in the US. On Sunday, we had both Valentines Day and the Chinese New Year, and Presidents Day on Monday. Notice, however, that amongst these multicultural holidays, there are no Mexican ones to be found. Poor Mexicans! (no pun intended); I always feel bad our perpetually forgotten neighbors downstairs. So, to "spice things up" a bit, I decided to throw a little Mexicana pachanga con cena for some of mi chicos this past Saturday night to remember the craziest culture on the planet.

The night started out with a trip to the good old Big Bird (aka-Giant Eagle...ie-a grocery store chain here in Cleveland; the one I go to probably holding the title for the "Most Ghetto" in the city.), and let me tell you, I was absolutely disappointed with what they had there, or rather what they did NOT have there. I mean, what grocery store in the ghetto doesn't have Mexican ingredients?!?!?! That's gotta wipe out like 2/3 of its clientele! Question of the night= how hard can it be to find tortillas, enchilada sauce, and dulce de leche in the inner city? Answer= apparently...very. But despite the complexity of my treasure hunt for dinner my components, I was able to come out of it victorious, with enough of the components to create a dinner menu for three hambriento muchachos.

Like any other menu (or meal for that matter) that I serve up, there is the requirement that beer or booze must be incorporated into or accompanying the cuisine. I had originally had high hopes for a margarita party, but those were quickly bashed when I realized that I lacked both a blender larger than a Magic Bullet and good tequila that are generally required to make them. Thank God for the three six-packs of Morlein's Doppelbock, Sam Adams Boston Lager, and Negro Modelo already in my fridge that satisfied the boys,and the single bottle of Disarrono and BORIS The Crusher Oatmeal-Imperial Stout from Hoppin' Frog Brewery that inevitably saved my night.

So as I slaved away in the kitchen, I sipped away at the BORIS. Damn, is that a GOOD BEER. As dark as blackstrap molasses, and just as thick, this beer is one you just loooove to appreciate. At first glance, it looks like any standard stout; it's that first taste when you're tastebuds scream, "wow!" The first thing I tasted, was coffee, then out came the taste of cocoa nibs (different from chocolate with less creaminess), and then vanilla. By the second sip, I could definitely identify the oatmeal, and overall, the drink tasted kinda like the Frappes I had in Greece. Definitely one I'll be buying again...soon. I'm extremely proud of this Akron brewery-good job boys, good job.

First up, was the appetizer- 5-layer fiesta dip with chipotle-lime tortilla chips (I mean, I gotta keep the boys fed so they don't go eating appendages while I'm making the main meal, right?) Unfortunately, I decided to let Geoff convince me to buy the premade kind to "save time", which, ironically ended up becoming a huge waste of time because the boys thought it was nasty and asked me to make some from scratch. Oh well.

Remnant Fiesta Dip:

Things you'll need: spoon, dip bowl, chip bowl, baking dish

Ingredients:
Leftover black bean puree from enchilajitas
salsa
leftover guacamole from Chipotle lunch earlier that afternoon
diced green chilies
2 handfulls of cheese
sour cream
black olives
diced onions
Taco dip mix
Lime tortilla chips

1. Preheat oven to 350* (you're going to need to anyways for the enchilajitas)
2. In a baking dish, pour black bean puree into bottom. On top of that, layer the guac; then the chiles, then the salsa, then the onions, and cheese.
3. Stick in the oven for 10 minutes. Pull out, sprinkle some black olives and taco seasoning ontop and shove it back in for another 10 minutes.
4. Remove after a total of 20 minutes and let cool slightly. 5. Place a big glob of sour cream on the top and spread around.
6. Have chips ready and some hungry boys... it'll be gone in no time.

While the cheese was getting all hot and gooey on the dip, I started on the main course...(drumroll please) the enchilajitas. If you haven't picked up on it already, an enchilajita is the bastard child of my two favorite Mexican dishes: the fajita and enchilada. Because I wasn't confined to the culinary boundaries of a typical Mexican restaurant menu, I decided to start playing kitchen scientist, and came up with this hybrid, with the hopes that it would get a couple thumbs-up from the boys. Well, it got that and more. I had to physically restrain them from eating third helpings of it, so they wouldn't get too full to try the dessert I'd been working on.

Enchilajitas:
Things you will need:

food processor, baking dish, sautee pan, tongs, spatula, knife & board

Ingredients:
Black Bean Spread:
½ red onion, diced
1 can black beans, drained & rinsed
2 tsp. ground cumin
¼ packet taco seasoning
¼ tsp. salt
1 tsp. lime juice

Peppers &Onions:
1 Tbsp. olive oil
½ yellow onion, sliced
1 green bell pepper, seeded & sliced
1 red bell pepper, seeded & sliced
2 tsp. lime juice

Steak Filling:
1.5 lbs steak strips, coated in chili powder
1 Tbsp. olive oil
½ c. low-sodium beef broth
½ packet taco seasoning
juice from roasting pan
1 Tbsp. chopped fresh cilantro (optional)

6 large tortillas
2 cans enchilada sauce
1 bag shredded Mexican Cheese Blend

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Heat olive oil in a skillet.
2.Pour chili powder in a large Ziploc baggie. Add steak strips, zip up the bag, and shake to coat.
3. Empty the bag into the skillet. Sear chili-coated steak strips on both sides. Remove and place in a greased baking dish.
4. Pour ½ c. beef broth into pan, and scrape up blackened bits on bottom of pan. Pour stock over steak strips, cover with foil and bake in oven for 10-12 minutes or so.
5. Remove steak from oven and let cool.
6. Add taco seasoning. Stir in cilantro, if you choose to use it. Set aside.

7. In the same skillet, saute the onions and peppers in the EVOO & lime juice until softened. Remove to a bowl, cover, and set aside.

8. While the onions and peppers are sauteing, make your black bean spread: empty can of black beans (drained) into the food processor a quarter cup at a time. Add 1/4 cup chopped onions, cumin,salt, lime juice, and taco seasoning to this. Puree until smooth, set aside.

9. Assembly:
   a) in a 9x11 baking dish (greased), pour one whole can of enchilada sauce into the bottom.
   b) take each tortilla and nuke them for 10 seconds to soften. On another surface (plate, etc...), lay out the tortilla. Spoon some of the black bean sauce and spread around the tortilla; ontop of that, place your onions & peppers, and finally your steak. On the very top, sprinkle just a little bit of cheese.
   c) roll em up and place ontop of enchilada sauce in baking dish. Once all are assembled and placed in the baking dish, dump the remainder of your cheese ontop.
   d) Over the cheese, pour the other can of enchilada sauce. Cover with foil.

10. Stick the entire thing in the oven for ~20 minutes, checking at about 15 to see the status of the cheese.
11. let cool for a couple, and glop a spoonfull of sour cream ontop.
12. DIG IN!

Chipotle-style Rice:
Ingredients:
Instant brown rice
water
Cilantro
1 tsp. butter
juice of 1 lime
1/2 tsp salt

1. Prepare rice according to the package (depending on how much you want), but also add all other ingredients.
2. Stir & nuke depending how long the box tells you to.
3. Fluff. Serve. Enjoy.

Suspiro de Limeña: "the sigh of a woman"
Things you will need:
small pot, large pot, ramekins, beater, sauce pan

Ingredients:
Dulce de Leche:
1 can fat free sweetened condensed milk
water

Meringue:
4 egg whites
1 teaspoon vanilla
Pinch of salt
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup burgundy wine
Cinnamon

1. empty can of sweetened condensed milk into a small pot. Place this small pot inside the larger one. Fill the larger one with water until the water level is 1 cm higher than the milk.
2. stick in the oven at 350*F for 1 1/2-2 hrs, checking it occasionally.
3. While that is in the oven, start making your meringue:
   a) beat egg whites with vanilla and salt until they form peaks.
   b) in saucepan, mix sugar and wine to a boil. Once it's starts to boil, reduce the heat and stir until mixture reduces to half.
   c) pour this down the side of the beaten egg whites [SLOWLY] and re-beat to mix. (Don't be alarmed if this turns out bright purple.. it looks pretty cool!)
4. Take dulce de leche out of the oven, divide among ramekins, and top with meringue.
5. It's very rich, but SOOOO goood! (i think it's my new sweet tooth indulgence! ;) )

Have me some Dim Sum!

2010-02-15T11:53:00.000-08:00

Dim Sum, whose name literally means "heart's delight" in Chinese, are snacks such as dumplings and eggrolls that are steamed in a rattan basket, put on a cart, and rolled around like a portable buffet table. In Ohio, specifically Cleveland, Dim Sum is practically unheard of outside of the Asian community, but in other major cities of the US, it's hugely prevalent. Take NYC for example, yelp listed 690 dim sum restaurants in a 20 mile radius; that's not including Long Island where there are most likely more. Chicago, not surprisingly has 345; so why does Cleveland have three? Just add that to Forbes tally of why we suck as a city compared to the rest of the country I guess.

What matters, though, is not the quantity of dim sum joints around the area, but rather the quality of them. Okay, so maybe I can't really vouch for the other two, but I can certainly sing the praises of Li Wah's dim sum was fantastic! For a dim sum newbie, it certainly left a good "taste in my mouth".

To start off, Li Wah is a charming little authentic Chinese restaurant in the heart of Asia Town off Payne Rd. on the east side of town. Nestled in a quaint ethnic shpooing center, it is quite a sight to see. When we first got there, Geoff was really impressed with the decor-mostly red kimono material, with the occasional Japanese lantern and garland. The thing that most impressed me, however, was that the majority of the clientele were of the same ethnicity as the cuisine- always a good sign in my book. *wink!* When we first sat down, we were immediately served by a little old chinese lady with shoes that looked three sizes too big for her. I thought it was hilarious, except she then proceeded to prod us until we ordered on a bubble tea, not leaving until we had taken our first sip. Thank God we knew what we wanted because within what seemed like five seconds, our server was at our table side taking our order. Geoff ordered honey chicken with veggies, which was decent but no different than something you'd find at Ricky Chan's on Cedar and South Taylor. I ordered 3 types of dim sum: a pulled pork bun, a shark fin dumpling, and a lotus creme sweet bun. With that, I got a BBQ beef skewer (which was probably the best part of the entire meal, surprisingly) and an egg roll, which was a nice little addition to round out the meal. Out of the dim sums, my favorites were the shark fin,which was savory, and the lotus creme which was sweet and delicate.

All in all, I found dim sum to be an extremely weird delicacy, but one that I hope to enjoy again. Where in the hell else can I get desserts that look like boobs and shark fin in the same meal?

Vegas, Part III; Magic Man

2010-02-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

There’s something undeniably magical about the little desert town of Las Vegas, Nevada. Many people might say that it has to do with the spectacular lights, some agree it’s the accessibility of everything, and even others think it’s got to do with energy of the place. I say that it has to do with something much more obvious…the magicians. Like seriously, there’s gotta be a magician for every showgirl employed on the strip; and I’d imagine that they add a little enchantment to the place.

I can’t exactly define what makes magic so alluring; perhaps it’s the mystery of the supernatural trickery, or the blurring of the boundaries of what defines “impossible”. I do know, though, that I fell prey to the smokescreens, the slight of hand, and the irrefutable charm of Lance Burton at the magic show Geoff and I went to our second night. From his Botox-smile to his spray on tan and porcelain veneers, Lance draws you in from the get-go, working his magic initially in the form of trust, and later in the form of trickery. I mean, I’m sure that the copious amounts of free drinks from the casino contributed to how gullible the audience is, but by the end of the show, even the most skeptic audience member (eh-hem, Geoff) was oooh-ing and ahhh-ing at the stage like a five-year-old who doesn’t know any better.

Fortunately for my date and I, the magic didn’t stop with the closing of the curtains. It continued all the way up to the piano bar, then out onto the Strip, were we ended our night at Blush Lounge. Actually, I think that I was the only person that thought our journey was a magical one, due to the fact that I fell asleep in the car on the way to the club. At least I didn’t fall asleep once we got inside.

Vegas, Part II; Shi-BOOYAH!

2010-02-12T17:00:00.000-08:00

Shibuya, is not only deserving of it’s own paragraph, but also the title of “home to the best sushi I’ve ever had”. Like most restaurants in Vegas, their portions were small, but hold true to the “great things come in small packages’ adage. How these places fit so much creative flair and flavor onto such a tiny plate, I have no idea. But, let me just tell you, your palate is surely glad they do. Their use of high-quality, gourmet ingredients sets Shibuya apart from any other sushi joint on the Strip, not only in taste and presentation, but also in price tag. A sort of unfortunate surprise to me, who had planned on ordering their Wagyu beef Carpaccio and Oh Toro sashimi, both coming in at a whopping $50 a dish. Um, no thanks. I mean, I almost understand paying that much for the best tasting beef in the world, but I'm sure the one paying the bill would not, so alas, I opted for the Chu Toro sashimi and seaweed sampler instead. And what a great decision that ended up being! Chu Toro is a high-grade, medium-fatty cut from the belly of the tuna fish. People, this stuff is absolutely fantastic; if you think butter and M&M's were the only things that could "melt in your mouth," think again, because these tender slices did that and more. With just a light drizzle of ginger-infused sesame oil, I was able to experience the pure quality of this dish. Practically indescribable, only because it was practically orgasmic.

Now, I understand that many people can’t stomach the thought of eating seaweed for dinner, but I honestly suggest that, if given the opportunity, you should definitely give it a try. (The Times did a great write-up on the benefits of eating seaweed that might help you get over your jitters regarding the stuff.) I personally LOVE the stuff! It’s so good for you and so incredibly versatile that I’m hard-pressed to think of a way that you CAN’T use it. I’ve even used it in desserts before to amp up the nutritional content of it, just as someone might toss fiber into a recipe or to help with binding. My two favorite ways to prepare it are pan-frying it or baking it into “chips” and drizzling softened seaweed with sesame oil, rice vinegar, and soy sauce, but there are countless options of what you can do with it. I work with a woman who adds it to her “green smoothies” she drinks for breakfast every morning, and another who puts dried strips into her salads. The one qualm I have would be that my area doesn’t have any sort of abundant access to it, so I’m limited to using Wakame and Aria that I get at the local grocer. (I suppose that I could go to a Chinese market or something, but those are just intimidating; not to mention the last time I went to one, I was silently followed around the store for two hours by an old woman half my height.) In Vegas, however, I was able to try a sampler of different kinds, ranging from salty, to spicy, to bitter, to sweet. I probably looked like a fool “oohh”-ing and “ahhhh”-ing over slimy strips of ocean grass, but I was at least convincing enough to get Geoff to try a bit. We both decided that our favorite was the sweet one that looked like black rice called Hijaki.

Speaking of Geoff, I have to commend his sushi selection at Shibuya. Usually not one of the more adventurous diners, preferring the familiar over the exotic, he chose a couple ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC rolls. He did, however, initially asked the server if they had anything fried before disappointedly “settling” with his choices. The spicy Yellowtail jalapeno roll was simple and fantastic with just enough bite to hide the otherwise pungent fish, but in the end, it was the Hannya that took the cake. The roll successfully satisfied his craving for fried food with the soft-shell crab, and my love of the raw with a little albacore. Drizzled with ponzu and hand-rolled without the help of a bamboo mat, this was authentic and eclectic and gourmet all in one (or two) chopstick-full(s). I STRONGLY suggest you try this roll if you ever get down to Vegas; it is worth every one of the 2400 pennies it costs.

To accompany my fine Japanese dinner, I ordered a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lychee martini. Three words- To. Die. For. Uh! The light and sweet flavor of the Lyhee, along with the crisp and clear flavor of the sake perfectly complimented the delicacy of the Chu Toro and seaweed sampler. Geoff’s choice of Sapporo held up to the jalapeño of his first roll, but was light enough to not mask the flavors of the Hannya. All in all, this was agreed to have been the best way to start out our trip on the strip, and, in retrospect, counted as one of the things that I wish didn’t stay in Vegas.

Viva Las Veggies!- Part one

2010-02-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

I mean, um, Vegas. I know that they say "whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," but I honestly can't imagine going there and not coming back with at LEAST a crap-load of incriminating photos, a couple bruises, and a $500 dollar ATM receipt. I personally, happened to be blessed enough to come home with a pearl bracelet, a Swarvoski-encrusted lollipop, and a TON of restaurant experiences to tell you all about:)!

In all seriousness though, I hadn't expected the experience of Las Vegas to be what it was. From the weather, to the lights, to the drinks, to the shows, and of course, the food, EVERYTHING was extravagant, dramatic, and unlike anything I'd ever experienced. In short, I fell in love…instantaneously. I mean, to start off, there's no Open Container Law and every other establishment along the Strip is actually a bar where you can buy everything, from necklaces to life-sized guitars filled with alcohol to accompany your sightseeing adventures. Secondly, there's the hotels, which can only be described in one word…GRAND. And I'm not exclusively referring to the hotel I stayed in (The MGM Grand); EVERY hotel was like a mini resort, taking you from Paris, to New York, to Istanbul and beyond in just a few steps. Our hotel took us from a zoo to the rainforest and a casino all in one day. The food, as well, takes you to the other side of the moon and back in one bite. In the MGM alone, we went from a authentic Nuvo-Japanese sushi restaurant one night to an eclectic Italian trattoria the next. All I have to say is, thank God for friends with adventurous palates.

The first night, was a fly-by the seat night and my "dinner" consisted of champagne and copious amounts of amaretto cranberries, having gone from plane to bar with just a little time to down a glass or two of bubbly while I spruced up. The next day, Mr. Smartie Pants (or rather Mr. I have no Pants) and I took a little trip to the mall, where we stopped and had a nice little lunch at Maggiano’s Little Italy before we went pant-shopping. Having never been to Maggiano’s before I was SUPER surprised at how good their food was. The Tuscan sausage and orzo soup and spinach salad (with roasted red peppers, sweet roasted onions, Gorgonzola cheese, apple cider vinaigrette and topped with smoked bacon and toasted pine nuts) that I had was a perfect amount of food, and was absolutely delish! Geoff got a Italian sausage sandwich, which was tasty, but really hard to eat (those damn peppers are slippery little buggers!).

After our little romp around the mall, we swiftly headed back to our hotel to get ready for dinner and to see the LION EXHIBIT! That’s right, the hotels are so amazing that some have mini zoos in them. Working our way through the casino, and simultaneously working our way down the food chain, we made it to our dinner destination for the night, Shibuya.

cocktail-cakes

2010-02-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

I love it when my friends turn to me for culinary advice or when they need one of my recipes. There's just something about the fact that they are going to bring one of my recipes to life that makes me feel like all the blood, sweat, and tears (not literally-ew) that went into a dish was not in vain.
For example, a couple days ago, Nat asked me for "that one cupcake you made last year that I loved so much." This simple request actually forced me to really think; you see, there happened to be a period of time last year where I kinda went cupcake crazy. Specifically with alcoholic cupcakes, which I would make at any opportunity. Like, "crazy" as in "Sure I'll bring a little something to the party- how about 4 dozen cupcakes?" Yeah. Fortunately no one stopped me, because they ended up being a hit wherever I brought them, but all that baking put a dent in my wallet and my metal mixing bowl.
Because I couldn't remember which cupcake she was specifically referring to, I decided to send her the recipes to all of the cupcakes I had made for her shindig last January, with the exception of my Irish Carbomb Cupcake, which I referred her to my Guinness Dinner post ("Toucan make a great stew") where it's listed at the bottom. [Don't judge...there's nothing wrong with a little shameless self-promotion!]

Amaretto sour cupcake:

Ingredients:

1 Box yellow butter cake

Amaretto liquor

Amaretto extract

1-2 jars lemon curd

1 jar buttercream frosting

1 jar of Maraschino cherries

1. Make yellow butter cake per the box’s directions, substituting 1/8c water with 1/8 c. amaretto.

2. Pour into cupcake liners and bake according to box’s directions.

3. Once they are done cooking and cooled, cut a small chunk out of the top.

4. Then cut the bottom half off of the chunk you just took out of the cupcake.

5. Fill the hole with lemon curd.

6. Place the top half back on top of the lemon curd. Like so:

7. Meanwhile, mix a few drops of amaretto extract into your jar of buttercream frosting. Spread or pipe over cupcake. Place cherry on top.

Jagerbomb cupcake recipe:

Ingredients:

1 box white cake mix

¼ c Jagermeister

1 can Redbull

2/3 c Milk

4 Tblsp Unflavored gelatin

1 Tblsp Cornflour

Red, yellow, and green food coloring

1. Mix one can of Redbull and 1-3 dots of red food coloring with boxed cake mix. (Do NOT add water or eggs… JUST the Redbull)

2. Bake cupcakes according to the box.

3. While they are baking and cooling, make your Jager filling:

4. While they are baking start on the Jager Cream

5. Put the milk into a pan and let the gelatin soak for about 5 minutes

6. Turn on the heat at a low temp and stir the mixture at intervals until the gelatin is nearly dissolved

7. Mix the corn flour with a small amount of milk until it forms a paste

8. Add this to the gelatin, and mix in well

9. Add the Jagermeister

10. Taste the Jager Cream to see if you want to add more Jagermeister

11. Mix well with the green food coloring

12. Cut the cooled cupcakes the same way you did the amaretto ones, and fill with the Jager Cream.

13. Take white frosting and add 2-3 drops of yellow food coloring. Top your filled cupcakes with this. Enjoy!

***Also, don't leave without checking out Slush's "Booziest Cupcake Contest" post. I can't wait to try some of those yummy cocktail-cakes!***

Vegas Part IV- Massages and Mayhem

2010-01-30T09:20:00.000-08:00

There is a song by a great Irish band called Flogging Molly called "Worst day since yesterday." It's about being hungover the morning after a really heavy night of drinking, something most of us are QUITE familiar with. Luckily for me, however, my ratio of hangovers to heavy drinking nights is 1:50. This magic little statistic has helped me get through numerous exams, work-days, and family gatherings... WITH the exception of this particular Saturday in Vegas. You'd think with my midnight snack of my leftover $25 Hannya roll would've helped soak up some of that booze and restored my blood-sugar levels, but apparently soy sauce doesn't help hydrate you as well as water or Gatorade. Whoops. Anyways, like I said, both Geoff and I were extremely hungover when our alarm went off at 9:30, but hitting the snooze button was not an option this particular morning. No-siree...we were on our way to the massage parlor at the Spa at the MGM Grand, and mannnn was it worth it. Not only were we able to sweat out the booze in the FREE steam rooms and saunas in our PRIVATE spas, but we then got all the soreness from cutting rug the night before rubbed out by Olga and Xena base-ball mitt sized hands.

After all this much-needed pampering, we headed over to the Rainforest Cafe, where we dined amongst monkeys, snakes, piranhas, and lemurs. Don't get too excited, they weren't real, but they sure looked it; these anirobotics would make Disney himself jealous. We even got "rained on" during the daily monsoon--not something that I was overly ecstatic about considering I was wearing a white blouse, but I have to admit it was cool nonetheless. And if the decor wasn't enough to blow you away, the food was outta this world! I ended up getting coconut-crusted shrimp in a mango dipping sauce, while Geoff got lobster nachos, clam chowder, fries, and a turkey club wrap. I personally loved my own shrimp entree, but Geoff was sold on the lobster nachos; meaning, you will soon see my recreation on here in a little bit (if lobster continues to stay semi-affordable, which is perhaps one of the only upsides to our downturned economy.)

We then were off to tour The Strip for the afternoon. We stopped in all sorts of cool places; the millionaires mall, the Planet Hollywood mall, the M&M Store, the Coke Store, to name a few. On our way we ran into some peculiar characters that I still can't decide whether they added to the ambiance of the place or detracted from it; for example, your quintessential 'nam vet, the hooker trading card pushers, and of course...Elvis. We also saw a couple clone troopers, a fire-breather, and a snake charmer. In fact, by the time we made it to our destination at the end of the street, we were almost too distracted to remember why we were there. And then, the giant orb that ascended into the sky reminded us- we were there for a nighttime hot air balloon ride. This is a fairly new attraction located across the street from Luxor, but it was by far the best investment we made on this trip. For $25 bucks, you go up in a hot air balloon over the city and get to see the entire thing; cameras are allowed and the resulting photos are SPECTACULAR. See? Look!

When we touched ground we were off running in order to make it to our dinner that night at Fiamma de Trattoria located inside the MGM Grand. I managed to slip into a dress and Geoff in a suite just in time to meet everyone in the casino. One thing that amazed me the entire time we were in the City of Sin, was that you could never be overdressed. I mean, I'm not one to usually overdress, thinking a t-shirt and jeans is fancy, so long as they didn't have grass stains or holes in them, but I couldn't even outdo our hostess in a satin Armani dress. Like seriously? Maybe I should move here and work- I have never hostessed anywhere that would pay me enough to afford anything better than Forever 21 or Old Navy- yeesh.
Let me digress... the meal here was great, even though I'm not the hugest pasta person. I did, however take a particular interest in a pasta dish called Fusilli with Prosciutto San Daniele, Peas, and Black Truffles in a light Parmesan sauce. I don't know what it is, but there is something about prosciutto and black truffles- they are two ingredients that I have the HARDEST time passing up...and they were present in the SAME DISH! Plus,because it was something I'd happened to discover while researching the Souix Chef's profile before our trip, it wasn't even on the normal menu, but since it's his favorite signature dish, he agreed to make it for me, "especiale per la bella signora". (What a charmer that Carlos Buscaglias is...) Geoff got a wonderful spaghetti with Kobe meatballs- seriously the BEST meat I've ever had. No lie. Geoff agreed. We also got an interesting appetizer of fried calamari in a roasted red pepper dipping sauce. Weird, but good. (I tend to prefer my calamari in a wasabi sauce like they serve at Bodegas on Coventry.

   We decided to pass up on edible desserts, and opted for a liquid one instead. So we headed down to Fat Tuesdays, an alcoholic slushie bar- the only one I'd seen since my trip to Memphis 3 years ago. And DAMN were these GOOD! dangerously so, considering I had 64 oz of brainfreeze I endured, just to barf up the entire sugary mixture not long afterwards. Surprisingly, that ended up working in my favor seeing as though I was able to sober up and continue drinking for the remainder of the night, unlike Jeffypoo who passed out in the nightclub later on and was made fun of by Dog the Bounty Hunter, lol. (But, more on that later...) So we took off with our life-sized slushies and hit the slots. I never thought I was a gambler, but that night I became a Slot Slut. With every pull of the lever and ding of the bell, I saw a dreary image of my future as one of those ladies who sits all day smoking and playing the slots in her moomoo spending every last penny her sugar-daddy hubby made. But at the time, that was inconsequential- I had convinced myself I was a rockstar, and I had a rockstar-sized slushie filled with 151 to support my theory.

   Eventually, I was dragged away by my friends and we headed over to Ceasars to check out the night club, Pure. This, unbeknownst to them, was probably the worst type of place to bring a now-drunk me. By now, Janiqua was in full swing and she swaggered right on over to the ATM, demanding it give her $50 for the entrance fee. Instead, it gave her $500 more in retaliation. So, what better to do with all of the money in your savings account than to spend it in the club, right? WRONG! I don't know what I was thinking, but I'd managed to blow through 2/3 of that $500 dollars...or rather, Janiqua managed to. She bought rounds at the bar, a VIP room next to Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife, made friends with it on the dancefloor, and even bought a crystal-encrusted lollipop as a souvenir. Like, really? Ugh.

   I guess what happens in Vegas really does stay there... like all of your money. : /

okee-dokee beefy gnocchi

2010-01-21T11:57:00.000-08:00

You have heard meals described as "heavenly", even "out of this world," but I am convinced that this dish has successfully won me a spot in heaven...or, if anything it shaved off time in purgatory. Thank God (literally) for friends who are seminarians and who also happen to appreciate yummy food. I don't know if they feed those guys slop over there at the sem, but my buddy Fr. G liked this so much he sent me a thank you note. And he's 25. 25 year old males, whether they be God's right hand man or not, NEVER write thank you notes.Unless they're REALLY thankful.

Beef Ragu:
Things you will need:
CAST IRON SKILLET, bowl, large spoon

Ingredients:
1/2 C. EVOO
1 3/4 chopped onions
3 oz. bacon
3Tblsp chopped garlic
2lbs chuck
4c. beef broth
1Tblsp sage
6oz. tomato sauce

1. Whip out your CAST IRON SKILLET and pour in your EVOO. Sautee onion, bacon, and garlic for ~ 10min.
2. add THAWED ground chuck to the saute and cook until browned; ~5 min
3. add sage, tomato paste, and1 cup at a time of the beef broth and cook for 4 minutes
**if need-be, thin out with a little water**

Gnocchi:

Things you will need:
large pot, strainer, slotted spoon, fork, cookie sheet, parchment paper, CAST IRON SKILLET

Ingredients:
4 Russet potatoes
1large egg
2Tblsp milk
1 1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1 1/2 c. flour

1. steam potatoes ~ 12min
2. once they are tender when poked with a fork, mash them as best as possible.
3. add milk, salt, nutmeg, and lastly add the egg (so that the potato mixture is cool enough not to cook the egg upon adding)
4. add 1 1/2 cup flour and mix until a sticky doughey substance forms; don't be afraid to add more tablespoon by tablespoon until desired consistency is reached.
5. Turn it out onto a floured surface and roll into snakes
6. cut into 1/2-inch chunks, and roll into ovals
7. then with the back of a fork, make them pretty by stamping little ridges in the top
** I found it helps to line a cookie sheet with either wax paper or parchement paper and line the finished gnocchi peices on it while you finish making the rest.
8. Fill a pot with water and bring to boil. Add 1/3 of the finished gnocchi to the boiling water and let it rise. It should take about 5 minutes.
9. once it has risen, remove with a strainer and transfer them to a baking pan. Try to keep them from touching while they dry in this pan. **I put a little cornmeal ontop of them to soak up the excess water, and it seemed to work pretty well**
10. continue to boil the other 2/3 of the gnocchi and add it to the baking pan.
11. Let the gnocchi stand in the pan for ~1 hour at room temp or in the fridge.
12. Melt a pad of butter in your CAST IRON SKILLET and toss the cool gnocchi in it.
13. Once it is cooked thoroughly, add it to the beef ragu and toss. sprinkle with mozzarella or Parmesan cheese

Winter Skate(s) and Chocolate Bars

2010-01-14T13:17:00.000-08:00

I can think of no better time than winter to go for a skate. A skate dinner, that is! Sure, I love to glide on the ice as much as anyone else, but let me assure you that it is IMMENSELY more satisfying to sit down with an old friend to enjoy a gourmet seafood dinner on a cold winter night than it would ever be to lace up blades and balance on a slice of metal.
The day Micky-D and I decided to make this wonderful meal was particularly beautiful, especially for Cleveland. A perfect day to get out of the house and trudge down to the West Side Market to see what fresh gustatory treasures we could find. In fact, the problem with the West Side Market is that there are TOO many treasures to be found. It would be far to easy for someone (aka, myself) to walk into the doors expecting to snag a great deal, and instead walk out having spent $300. In my opinion, it's the equivalent to Cleveland's Culinary Casino...except you never go for broke.

Luckily McD knew right where to go, so we bee-lined it to Classic Seafood; the same company responsible for supplying many of the 4- and 5-star restaurants in Cleveland. When we got to the counter, the quality was evident and the selection amazing. And even though we knew what we wanted, it was hard to not want to buy one of everything there. From skate to soft shell crab to smoked cod to alligator (yes, alligator), it seemed this place had it all. But alas, we could only buy what we were going to cook, and walked away with our skate wing and two beautiful pink salmon steaks, saving the rest for another time.

Unrelated to the meal we made, but deserving equal attention, was our trip to Michelle's Bakery where McD got more bread than I could ever fathom to eat. (What can I say? I guess some people really like bread. Fortunately, I am not one of those people, or I would be broke.) The "Marathon Loaf", "2-lb Rye" and I think a doughnut or something, looked good enough to be on the cover of any gourmet foodie magazine, and the uuber low prices could knock you dead from shock. In fact he actually had to buy more to make the $10 minimum to use his credit card. God, I LOVE this place!
The next stop was just so McD could say "hi" to an old friend of his, but it gave me the opportunity to ogle his goodies. OH, EW! Not THOSE goodies...I was talking about his meat. Okay, this isn't getting any better, is it? Um...let me digress- to start off, we were at Bistricky's Butcher Stand, and the meat I was drooling over came from a cow, okay? If you were there, you'd understand. This guy had the most beautiful steaks and ribs, and roasts, making it my target destination for my next carnal cuisine.

Our last destination was to the produce section where were stopped at Boutros Brothers Produce stand. These guys have it ALL. Their selection is exceptional, especially in the dead of winter using no preservatives (don't ask me how...). Here its easily to get lost in the rainbow of fruits and vegetables that grace the stands; from strawberries, to broccoli, to persimmons. Thank God my companion had an idea of what he wanted to get because my head was spinning from the all the sights, sounds, and nearby samples; it wasn't until we made it out the door and the first icy lick of lakefront wind brushed my face did I even notice he'd decided on asparagus (classic) and portabello mushroom caps. Um, wait, mushrooms? With fish? It took me a minute of scouring my memory to figure out why this combo seemed so bizaare to me- I couldn't recall ever having had the two together.
My parents brought me up on either citrus-marinated or cajun-spiced fish. College introduced me to salsa on fish (actually a "I am super broke" serendipitous discovery on my part) and even fruit with fish...but never mushrooms. It would take a bit of creativity on my part to come up with a dish to cook that night. (Thank goodness for the long run I had immediately following that would allow me to mull this over.) With a little help from my role model Marc from No Recipes, and endorphin-induced enlightenment, I was able to come up with a dish that creatively, and (more importantly) successfully combined these two ingredients. Here's how it went down:

Winter Skate:
Things you will need:

CAST IRON SKILLET, citrus juicer, small bowl, saucepan, tin foil

Ingredients:
1 large skate wing
1 lemon- juiced
1/2 large Mayan yellow onion- sliced
2 1/2 Tblsp capers
1/2 stick unsalted butter
couple "glugs" of white wine (we used El Gato Negro 2006 Chardonnay)
EVOO
salt & pepper

1. In your saucepan, melt your butter. Add your onions and heat on medium heat until they are soft.
2. While these are heating, unwrap your skate wing and cut in half. Brush both sides of each with EVOO, then salt and pepper them.
3. Drizzle a little EVOO in your CAST IRON SKILLET and set heat to meduim-low.
4. Before you add your skate to the skillet, add capers, lemon juice, and wine to the sauce. Cook the liquid off, stirring occasionally until it reduces to the desired consistency.
5. Go ahead and place the skate wing in the skillet and cook each side for 3-5 minutes, or until they brown.
6. take off the heat, plate, and spoon the sauce on top and pour yourself some of that Gato Negro. Enjoy!

Shitake salmon steaks:

Things you will need:

grater, colander, boiling pot, cookie sheet, tongs, small bowl

Ingredients:

2 dried shitake mushrooms

Onion powder

EVOO

salt & pepper

2 large Portabello mushroom caps

1 bunch of asparagus

garlic salt

1 bag Uncle Ben's Bown and Wild Blend Ready Rice

1/2 large Mayan yellow onion, chopped

fresh wild mushrooms: chanterelle, oyster, and shitake (1 large of each), chopped and mixed

1 box chicken stock

1. Preheat oven to 225*F
2. Fill boiling pot with water and turn heat on high. Add a dash of garlic salt and a drizzle of EVOO. When it comes to a boil, add washed and trimmed asparagus.
3. In a small bowl, grate the dried shitake mushrooms and add the onion powder and pepper. Set aside.
4. Unwrap your salmon steaks and brush both sides of each with EVOO. Sprinkle mushroom powder mix on each side as well and pat down.
5. Place each in the CAST IRON SKILLET and sear each on both sides for 1 minute. Transfer to your cookie sheet and place in the oven for 25 minutes.
6. Check on your asparagus. Next, add your portabello mushroom caps to the same CAST IRON SKILLET that you just cooked your salmon in... WITHOUT washing it. It will allow the mushroom to absorb some of the flavors of the salmon and will eventually help tie the dishes flavors together. When it is done, set aside, covered in tin foil until the rest of the dish is ready to be plated.
7. To the same CAST IRON SKILLET add the onions and 1/4 cup chicken stock. Saute them for 2-3 minutes, then add the mushrooms and cook one minute more. To this, add the ready rice and one more 1/4-cup of the chicken stock and cook until rice has absorbed all the liquid.
8. Take salmon out of the oven and check for done-ness and strain the asparagus.

9.Plate your dish: Place the mushroom cap belly-side up on the top of the plate. Spoon rice into the cap overflowing over its edge a little. Place salmon steak ontop of rice, leaning against the mushroom, and fan the asparagus in the nook above the ventral fringes. Like so -->

You'd think that such a great meal couldn't get any better, but our dessert was out of this WORLD! Micky-D and I decided to try this new place right below his apartment (how convenient it must be to live in the heart of metropolis...) called The Chocolate Bar. And OH. MY. GOD. it was fucking phenomenal. Keep in mind that this is coming from a girl who doesn't even like chocolate. I got a coconut-chocolate martini that reminded me of an almond joy, and McD got a double chocolate one that tasted like the frozen hot chocolate that Dairy Queen used to make when I was in highschool. For dessert, we got chocolate fondue with strawberries, which sent my serotonin levels into overdrive... I was in heaven.

One or Toucan make a great stew!

2010-01-06T11:26:00.000-08:00

   Whoa, don't panic. The menu from last night didn't include anything that would have PETA running after me; i.e.- no "toucan stew." Not even close. What I'm instead referring to is the "two-can" Guinness stew I made for my fellow stout-lover and friend last week as part of our Christmas gift exchange.
   What I've found over the years, is that this unique frothy brew has the power to create a sort of family; when a Guinness-lover meets another Guinness-lover, a special bond is made, no matter what walk of life each of them are from. When the two meet out to "grab a pint" at the local pub, any other Guinness in the bar acts like a beacon, calling out to include another Guinness-lover to the "family." Perhaps surprisingly, this underground society of beer elitists stays somewhat contained to people truely passionate about this brew.Bailey and I are part of this family.
   Actually, the way we met was in the true "family tradition" mentioned above. I remember the hot summer night when we landed ourselves at McNulties for ladies night; the concept was that you get this obnoxious neon bracelet and a dixie cup and are allowed to get it filled with shitty well drinks for free...IF you can get through the clawing mess of underage girls at the bar desperately waiting for their next fill. Sounds like a great deal right? (That was a rhetorical question.There should be no need to answer that.)
   Having never met me before, Bailey was actually surprised when I passed on the ladies night deal and instead came back to the table with a beautiful pint of opaque goodness. My response was that "I like my beer like I like my men: tall and dark, with a good head on their shoulders." We laughed, but it was only after his comment about me being the only girl he's met to like Guinness, did I notice that he too was holding one, and that his shirt was emblazoned with the golden Harp. What ensued were more frequent trips to the bar, numerous carbombs, maybe one too many more pints, and perhaps a 4am sushi party on my floor with a sour grape.
   Since then, Bailey has returned from the Guard, giving us ample opportunity to become better friends and experience what Cleveland has to offer by way of Guinness draught pours. This night, however, we decided to stay in and conduct our own Guinness Experience. Sure, the black liquid gold was had, but this night was different because I was able to incorporate two of my top ten things of all-time: Guinness and cooking. Here's what I came up with:

Toucan Stew:
Things you will need:
8x8 casserole dish, crockpot, CAST IRON SKILLET

Ingredients:
1 bag frozen peas and carrots
1/2 lb of red-skinned potatoes, cubed
2 yellow onions (not sweet) chopped
2 cloves of garlic
2 Tblsp butter
1.4 lbs stewing beef, cut into 2 cm cubes
Rosemary sprigs
1 Bay leaf
Sea salt and pepper
2 cans of Guinness
3/4 cups sharp white cheddar, grated
1 box puff pastry
1 egg
1/4 c. flour
1 cube beef bouillon
2 Tblsp Worcestershire sauce

1. Night before: Get out your CAST IRON SKILLET and slap a Tblsp of butter in there. When it melts, saute your onions until soft. ~10 min
2. Add other tablespoon butter, garlic, and frozen peas and carrots.
3. Transfer to your slow-cooker.
4. In your empty CAST IRON SKILLET, add a drizzle of EVOO and brown meat quickly on the outside, sprinkling with salt, pepper, and rosemary.
5. Once browned, drain oil and toss steak in a tablespoon of your flour.
6. Transfer this to your slow cooker. Add the bay leaf and pour ~ 1 1/2 can Guinness over mixture.
7. Add cube of beef bouillon and a couple tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce,put a lid on it and cook for 3-4 hours on low.
8.While this is cooking, wash and cut up your potatoes and preheat your oven to 400*F
9. Add your potatoes and flour and cook for 1 more hour, until potatoes are tender. Remove bay leaf.
**if the stew is not thick enough at this point, transfer to a skillet and cook to reduce the water content.
10. Remove from heat and stir in cheese. (I think next time, I'm going to just layer the cheese ontop instead of stirring it. I kinda like the visual effect of layering and stringy cheese. But obviously that's just me.)
11.Transfer into casserole dish distribute evenly
12. Lay thawed sheet of puff pastry on top of dish and cut and reserve excess. (I used it to make "Grigoros Spanikopitas" or "Quick spinach pies" in Greek)
13. Bake for 15 minutes, or until top of crust is golden brown. Serve warm with...(yup, you guessed it)...a pint of Guinness.

During our little "intermission," the gifts were exchanged. I, keeping with the theme of the night, gave Bailey a Guinness Christmas Stocking. (I'm not going to lie, it took a lot for me to actually give that thing away...) And in return, I received a BEAUTIFUL ring from Israel.In my opinion, they weren't really comparable in value, but Baily insisted that it was fine.
This break allowed our stomachs to make a wee bit o' room for dessert: Guinness Pudding. Yes, you read right. G-U-I-N-N-E-S-S Pudding.

Guinness Pudding:
Things you will need:
mixing bowl, whisk, electric mixer, saucepan, glass beer mugs

Ingredients:
4 large egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
1 can Guinness
1 1/2 c. heavy cream
4 ounces (one large chocolate bar) of 70-72% bittersweet chocolate
1 small bottle of Bailiey's Irish Cream Liquor
1/4 cup sugar

1. In mixing bowl, whisk together egg yolks and sugar.
2. Open a can of Guinness and slowly pour half of it down the side of a saucepan (to reduce foaming). Add cream and whisk to combine. Set over medium heat, stirring occasionally until it bubbles form at the edges. Remove from heat, add chocolate, and whisk until smooth.
3. SLOWLY pour hot chocolate mixture into eggs, stirring constantly to prevent curdling.
4. Return entire mixture to saucepan and cook until thickened and coats the back of the spoon. ~15 min.
5. Pour this into glasses, cover with saran wrap, and let set.
6. While that's setting, make your Guinness/Bailey's whipped cream:

pour remaining Guinness into small saucepan and bring to boil. Simmer uncovered, until it is reduced to 1 Tblsp. ~10-20 min
Take off heat and let cool
add 4 Tblsp. Bailey's and sugar to remaining cream and beat until soft peaks form
slowly pour Guinness syrup into cream and beat until mixed.
Spoon this over Pudding and serve with a cookie rod.

While keeping consistent with the Guinnes-theme, I thought I'd share with you my Irish Carbomb Cupcakes. I haven't found too many opportunities to make them, but whenever I do get a chance to, they're always a huge hit. Personally I think they have magic powers; I'm convinced they are the reason I passed Calc III in college and I think they sealed the deal with the Boi way back in the day.

This recipe is based loosely on my old roommate's recipe. She's pretty sweet, both in character and confections. Check her out at: http://recklesschef.net/

Irish Carbomb Cupcakes:
Things you will need:
Large mixing bowl, small mixing bowl, electric mixer, 12-cup cupcake pan, cupcake papers

Ingredients:
The cupcake part:
9 tbsp of cocoa powder
7 fl oz of Guinness stout
1 stick of unsalted butter, softened
2 eggs
1 1/4 cups dark brown sugar
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
2 tbsp mayonnaise
2 tbsp sour cream

The frosting part:

1 stick of unsalted butter, room temperature
3 cups confectioner’s sugar
Bailey’s Irish Cream
Jameson Irish whiskey

1. Preheat oven to 350*F.

2. Cream the butter, sugar, sour cream, mayo, and eggs in a large mixing bowl until they are light brown and well-blended.

3. In a separate bowl, mix the baking soda, flour, and slowly add them to the sugary-eggy butter bowl. Blend on low speed, gradually increasing to medium speed. (If you’d like to redecorate your kitchen, go ahead and turn it on high and see what happens.)

4. Pour the can of Guinness into a liquid measuring cup. It should come up to 7oz mark with foam. In a separate bowl, slowly pour Guinness over the cocoa powder, and stir until you have a mixture of about the same consistency and appearance as chocolate syrup. Pour this into the large bowl and mix until the batter is thick and completely blended.

5. Put cupcake papers in your cupcake tin. Spoon the batter into them and tap the tin against the counter to settle the batter in each cup. About 2/3 full is ideal for these cupcakes – they’ll come out nice and rounded above the tops of the papers, but not overflow.

6. Bake for 25 minutes and make sure to do a toothpick-test. Mine usually finish in about 28 or 29 minutes, but that’s probably because I have an ancient oven.

7. Remove the cupcakes from the oven and let them cool for several minutes while you make the Bailey’s frosting:

a. Add a few short glugs (a tablespoon or two) of Bailey’s and a tiny bit (less than a tablespoon) of Jameson to the stick of room-temp butter. Mix at low speed.

b. Gradually spoon confectioner’s sugar into the bowl, mixing on low speed. I usually end up using about 3 cups, but I find it more effective to add tablespoon by tablespoon until the frosting gets to be the texture I want. **Its easy to adjust these to the right consistency too; if it’s too thin, keep adding that confectioners sugar. If it’s too thick, add a half tablespoon of Baileys. **

c. Go ahead and go crazy with the frosting. Make shamrocks, sprinkle it with green sprinkles or sugar, or whatever.

Oh, and you MIGHT want to check out this video, it's pretty hilarious:

Guinness Beer : Share with a Friend

Banned commercial - Guinness Beer Guinness Beer - Share with a Friend or Two... JavaScript is disabled! To display this content, you need a...

faltu.tv

Surf-and-Turf, blizzard style

2010-01-03T18:06:00.000-08:00

So I don't know if this applies to the rest of you, but when I think of lobster, I think of the term "surf-and-turf." My mind tends to prefer the "surf" half of that term, evoking images of summer, beaches, and the sizzle of a grill. Which is why i found it so ironic that out of all nights to acquire lobster tails, the boys happened to do it on the first big blizzard of 2010. Now, Cleveland is known for it's horrible winters, NOT for it's "surf" by any means; the only thing we have resembling one is Lake Erie, where you're more likely to find a dead body than any type of crustacean. So it might be understandable why I'd risk my life venturing out into the Northeast Ohio tundra to get a taste of anything resembling "surf", "beaches", or sun in weather as such.

Don't worry, my exploit was not fruitless, because the product was ABSOLUTELY mouth-watering! My sincere "thanks" to the anonymous benefactors who donated the lobsters for that meal...your sacrifice totally made my night! I guess it's true that one man's trash is another one's treasure.

Sorry Sebastian:
Things you will need:
cookie sheet, sauce pan, tongs,broiling pan

Ingredients:
6 medium lobster tails :
2 Tblsp minced garlic
2 sticks butter
couple shakes of onion powder
1.5 Tblsp bourbon
1 Tblsp lemon juice
pinch salt
chives
1 bag frozen mixed vegetables

1. Set your oven on "broil"
2.. Try to contain your excitement while you take your lobster tails out of the fridge (thawed, of course) and butterfly them. (That means that you cut them not quite completely in half, leaving a small "hinge" to separate the two halfs and fan them out. I guess the person who coined this term thought that this resembled butterfly wings..weird.) Proceed to put them meat-side down on your broiling pan, and stick it in the oven. Set your timer to broil for 20 minutes.
3. While that is creating delicious smells below you in the oven, start making your butter sauce. Heat the 2 sticks of butter on medium heat until melted but NOT brown. Add your minced garlic and turn the heat to low; simmer for ~5 minutes. When the smell of garlic has sufficiently overpowered the smell of the lobster, add the bourbon, lemon juice, and onion powder. Simmer for one minute and take off the heat. [Warning: this was a very makeshift sauce that turned out delicious, (surprisingly so considering I was pretty sauced myself at this point...) so feel free to adjust anything to your own taste.]
4. At this point, ten minutes should have gone by, making it the perfect time to flip your butterflied tails. Go ahead and do that.
5. In a separate saucepan, heat your vegetables on med-low for about 10 minutes. Once they're done, take them off the heat and stir in 2 tablespoons of your butter sauce and add a pinch of salt.
6. At the same time your veggies are done, so should your lobster tails be. Take those out of the oven and using tongs, plate. Add your butter sauce ontop and serve next to the veggies and noodles.

I should probably explain that the noodles we had at the boy's apartment that night were a gift from his downstairs neighbor Turk, and not homemade. I did however recreate them at home a couple nights later for myself because they were so good. It may seem obvious that I would not know off-hand how to make this, I referred to a great recipe from The Fresh Dish, and tweaked it to make it taste more similar to the noodles I'd had the night at E's.

Spicy Sesame Noodles:
Things you will need:
colander, food processor, mixing bowl, grater

Ingredients:
1/2 lb. spaghetti
3 cloves garlic – peeled
1/4 cup fresh ginger – peeled and chopped (fine dice if not using a food processor)
1/4 cup sesame oil
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup rice wine vinegar
1/4 cup cider vinegar
2 Tbsp. Sriracha sauce (adjust this to your own spice taste)
1/2 cup chunky peanut butter (sugar free kind preferred)
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup sesame tahini
Black pepper
1/2 red bell pepper, julienned
1/2 yellow bell pepper, julienned
2 scallions, sliced diagonally (white and green parts)
1 large carrot (grated)

1.Boil noodles al dente. Drain.
2. Throw all of the ingredients (minus the bell peppers and scallions) into a food processor and let it rip. There you go. Sauce.
3. Cut your veggies and add to the pasta. Pour the sauce over all of it and toss to coat.
**can be eaten hot or cold

To add to the awesomeness that night, Stoven decided to bless me with some cooking of his own. Apparently he'd been able to stave E away from the bowl of bulk bread dough enough to make a loaf. So he did. Here is his recipe:

Stove-n's Bread:
Things you will need:
Large mixing bowl, small mixing bowl, large spoon, saran wrap

Ingredients:
13 c flour
6c water
3 Tblsp salt
3 Tblsp yeast
1 tsp sugar

1. Add to1 cup slightly warm water the sugar and yeast. Stir and let sit.
2. Mix the rest of your ingredients and then add "yeast sauce".
3. Add to a big bowl and cover with saran wrap. Place in fridge to be used.

And even E joined in on the culinary action and let me taste his "ghost-pepper chili" he'd made. If you've never heard of the Ghost Pepper, I'd suggest clicking on the link above. It details the complexity and rarity of this special chili.It may come as no surprise that E had acquired this plant given his affinity toward the uncommon. The way we discovered it was actually in liquid form, which caused a near-death experience to our palates and esophagus. Thank you La Cav.

The closest I got to finding a chili recipe that included this dangerous pepper was by Mike from Mike's Table. Brave guy, let me tell you. E just substituted the pepper into a recipe from his own stash, along with another secret ingredient...honey. I'm telling you this kid swears by it, and for good reason too. Dipped with Stoven's bread, this chili was out of this WORLD! I'm totally going to have to find me one of those peppers, and I'm going to whip up my own version of Casper Chili.

I'll be home for Christmas..

2009-12-26T18:08:00.000-08:00

...if only to use the kitchen.(j/k!) But in all seriousness, I love going out to my parent's house to cook. They just seem to always have everything I could possibly ever need to whip up an amazing meal or dish. (I suppose that would come from mulitple inheritances, 25 years of marriage, and many default Christmas gifts over the years.) On top of having more utensils, appliances, ingredients, and counter space, my parents also have more cookbooks than my local Barnes and Noble, including those of my great grandparents on both sides. And seeing as though it was Christmas time, which is supposed to be the ultimate "family holiday," of the year, I decided to try to tie in some of the oldies-but-goodies from my ancestors' long-lost recipe collections.
Now, I don't know about your family, but my family tends to stick to holiday staples; things such as apple pie, pumpkin pie, egg and cheese casserole, creamed onions, and lastly mince meat pie will forever be fixtures around our dinner table. Except, apparently, for the mincemeat pie. For some reason, this year neither my dad or mom had remembered to purchase one, so I decided to pick up their slack and make one. As usual, my flair for the unusual got in my way of making anything resembling "traditional", and what I ended up with was this Tannenbaum Pie, inspired by Veganlovlie's Ratatouille pie :

Tannenbaum Pie:
Things you will need:
large mixing bowl, food processor, electric mixer, cookie sheet, rolling pin, sprinkles

Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 Tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup (a stick and a half) unsalted butter, chilled, cut into 1/4 inch cubes
1/2 cup of all-vegetable shortening (8 Tbsp)
6-8 Tablespoons ice water
1. Combine flour, salt, and sugar in a food processor; pulse to mix. Add the butter and pulse 4 times. Add shortening in tablespoon sized chunks, and pulse 4 more times. The mixture should resemble coarse cornmeal, with butter bits no bigger than peas. Sprinkle 6 tablespoons of ice water over flour mixture. Pulse a couple times. If you pinch some of the crumbly dough and it holds together, it's ready. If the dough doesn't hold together, keep adding water, 1 tablespoon at a time, pulsing once after each addition, until the mixture just begins to clump together. 2. Remove dough from machine and place in a mound on a clean surface. Roll into a ball and flatten lightly and gently knead the dough. Don't over knead it though! Dust it lightly with flour, wrap it in plastic, and toss it in the fridge for a half-hour before rolling out.
3.Once chilled, it can be manipulated a little more easily. I ended up rolling it out to 8x11 inch pie.

4. Using a knife, cut the dough so it looks like this:
5. Then take your jar of mincemeat filling and scoop it into the center of the tree shape.
6. Fold each strip so that they are criss-crossing each other in an alternating pattern.
7.Beat one egg and paint it on the top of the criss-crossed sections.
8. If you're really feeling creative, go crazy with sprinkles and redhots and other baking novelties you might own that can be baked. (I used green sugar , made a little star with yellow sugar on the top, redhots for ornaments, and chocolate sprinkles for the trunk. Check it out! --->

9. Toss this in the oven for 45 min at 350*F or until the top is golden. Remove from the oven, and let cool.Squirt with some whipped cream and get ready to be smacking your lips!

**This was served as dessert for Christmas Eve and ended up being a HUGE hit. Good thing I thought ahead and made double! *wink!*

Among the Christmas staples that I mentioned above, you might have noticed "egg casserole" pop up. Well, I think I should probably explain that just because something is a "staple" in my family, doesn't mean that it's good. It just means we have come to expect this sub-par dish year after year, and are most likely too nice to say anything. My mom's egg casserole falls into this category; she has religiously made it every year for the pat 20-something years for Christmas, and had recently, in the past 5 years, added it to the horrible spread of what she deemed "hangover" food for my annual Not So Silent Night Christmas Party. I've kept quiet until this past year when one of my fellow "admins" and consequently also my BFF, happened to mention how glad she was that my mom was not attending or cooking for the party this year. So sticking to what I consider to be somewhat of a tradition, I decided to revamp and upgrade Nan's traditional slop. The result was an ooey-gooey, cheesy, bacon-ey, ovo-lovers dream. Oh, AND it cures hangovers!

Hashbrown Hangover Casserole:
Things you need:
skillet, spatula, 9x13 casserole dish, whisk, mixing bowl, toaster, scissors

Ingredients:
3 tablespoons butter
1 small yellow onion, chopped
1 sprig of rosemary
4 cups frozen shredded hash browns
1 pound bulk sausage, mild
1 package pre-cooked bacon

2 1/4 cups whole milk
8 large eggs
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3/4 loaf of bread (I used wheat, but I'm sure white would suffice) ~8 cups when cubed
2 cups (1/2 pound) grated Cheddar
2 cups (1/2 pound) freshly grated Parmesan

1.Preheat oven to 350*F
2. In your large skillet, melt your butter over medium heat. To this, add your rosemary and chopped onion and saute until soft.
3. Add to this your thawed hashbrowns, and cook until brown and crispy, flipping occasionally with a spatula. 4. While the hashbrowns and onions are frying, take your bread and toast each piece.When you have finished toasting them all, cut them into cubes. I used a knife the first time and it was really messy, and then I used scissors the second time and it worked out much better, but use what you feel comfortable with.
5. Your hashbrowns should still be browning so you'll have time to whisk the eggs, milk, mustard, salt, pepper, and nutmeg together. Set this aside for now.
6. Now that the hashbrowns are done (eh-hem...hope you didn't forget about them!), take them off the heat to cool a little, and dump them in the bottom of your casserole dish. Place a lid or saran wrap on it to help the flavors soak in a little more.
7. using the SAME skillet that you cooked your hashbrowns in, brown your sausage. (I added a little cajun and fennel to mine, but that's only because my dad prefers that. Feel free to omit that.)
8. While your sausage is browning, nuke your bacon in the microwave to make it crispy. (Now normally I find pre-cooked bacon to be disgusting, BUT when your feeding for them masses after a night of heavy partying or to commence opening Christmas gifts, time management is of the utmost importance. Plus, with all of the other flavors going on, its not as noticeable that you didn't use real bacon.)
9.When both the bacon and the sausage are cooked, take them off the heat. Blot the bacon, and get ready for the fun part...
10. Ontop of your hashbrowns, your going to want to layer the toasted bread. Ontop of the bread, your going to want to evenly distribute the sausage. Ontop of the sausage, you basket-weave your bacon. Over all of this, your going to pour over your egg mixture, and at the very top of the dish you're just going to take handfuls of cheddar cheese and sprinkle it ontop. Lastly, your going to just sprinkle the smallest amount of Parm over the cheddar to give it a little bite.
11. Stick the whole thing in the oven for 45 min. What will come out will be a bubbling masterpiece EVERYONE (well, except maybe vegetarians) will love.

And whilst the cheesy goodness that is the casserole was guaranteed to sit well with everyone else's stomach, that guarantee doesn't hold true for me seeing as though I'm lactose-intolerant. I had to have a backup plan that would allow me to indulge as much as my family and friends that wouldn't have me hugging the toilet instead of opening presents. My solution was just as ooey-gooey, but not so savory, letting my sweet tooth run wild.

Cranberry-Eggnog Sticky Buns
Things you will need:
large mixing bowl, electric mixer, sauce pan, 9x13 casserole, bowl, basting brush, rolling pin

Ingredients:
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1 package active dry yeast
1 cup canned or dairy eggnog
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon salt
1-1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup flour
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup eggnog
1/3 cup chopped fresh cranberries
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
2 tablespoons softened butter
1/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 350*F.2. In a large mixing bowl combine 1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour, whole wheat flour, and active dry yeast; set aside.
3. In a medium saucepan heat and stir eggnog, water, granulated sugar, butter, and salt until warm (120 degree F to 130 degree F) and butter almost melts. Add to flour mixture. Beat with an electric mixer on low speed for 30 seconds, scraping bowl constantly. Beat on high speed for 3 minutes more. Using a spoon, stir in an additional 1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour.
4.Turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead in enough additional flour (up to 1 cup) to make a moderately soft dough that is smooth and elastic (3 to 5 minutes total). Shape into a ball.
5.Place in a greased bowl, turn once. Cover; let rise in a warm place until double (about 45 to 60 minutes). Punch dough down. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Cover and let rest 10 minutes.
6. Meanwhile, in a saucepan heat together brown sugar, butter, and eggnog until mixture bubbles. Pour into an ungreased 9x13-inch baking pan. Sprinkle with cranberries and walnuts.
7. On a lightly floured surface roll dough to a 15x12-inch rectangle. Paint on melted butter. Sprinkle with mixture of sugar, ground nutmeg, and ground cinnamon. Roll up loosely, starting at a short side. Moisten and seal edge. Cut roll into 6 two-inch slices. Place, cut side down, on top of brown sugar mixture. Cover and let rise in a warm place until nearly double (30 to 40 minutes).

8. Bake about 30 minutes or until golden brown. If necessary, cover loosely with foil the last 5 minutes of baking. Remove from oven. Let stand 5 minutes on wire rack. Invert to remove from pan. Cool slightly or completely. Makes 6 rolls.

"i'm sorry- i think i ruined christmas"

2009-12-18T18:11:00.000-08:00

Twas the night before the Party and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

Having waited for the roommates to leave us alone, we'd consumed too much wine and man, had it shown. With the boi in his kerchief and I in my cap, we fell asleep on the couch for a long winter's nap.

When out in the kitchen there rose such a clatter, I sprang from drunk sleep to see what was the matter. Over to the oven I flew like a flash, turned off the timer, the door opened with a crash.

The moon shown through the window, onto the dish I'd made below. When what to my droopy eyes should appear? It was the dinner I'd made for the boy when he got here. The smells that ensued had such an allure, I thought my boy'd want to eat it for sure. But unfortunately to my dismay, neither of us were hungry -it was so late in the day. Though that did not stop us, and eat did we try, in the end we just gave up and said our "goodnights".

This is what we ate (if mostly for breakfast the next day...):

Dry-aged Steak:
What you'll need:
CAST IRON SKILLET, tongs, oven mitt, marinating syringe, gallon ziplock baggies, saran wrap

Ingredients:
14 oz. Dry aged Ribeye Steak (Whole Foods)
~3 sprigs of Rosemary
Smoked salt
Fresh Ground Pepper
McCormicks Steak Seasoning
EVOO
2 Tblsp Worcestershire Sauce
1/4 C Salted Butter, melted

1. The night before, take your butter and melt it to liquid consistency. In the same bowl, add 2 Tblsp of Worcestershire sauce, and whisk. Load this buttery mixture into your marinating syringe while still warm. BEFORE you inject the marinade into the meat, slap it twice on each side with the base of your palm. (This will break the fibers of the meat and make it more absorptive and tender.) THEN you can inject to your hearts content, or till the marinade starts oozing out the injection points.
2. Sprinkle meat with enough pepper, salt, rosemary, and a little steak seasoning coating the outside and rub it in. (not too hard, you don't want all the marinade to pour out from the inside) Wrap the whole chunk of meat then in saran wrap and place in a gallon ziplock baggie in the fridge overnight.
3. At serving time: Preheat oven to 350*F and drizzle skillet with EVOO. Remove meat from fridge and unwrap gently. When skillet seems hot enough, add the meat. Sear both sides for about 5 minutes each.
4. take entire CAST IRON SKILLET off of the stove and place it in the oven, letting the steak cook for just about 20-25 min to reach medium rare.
5. Remove from oven and cut asap. The longer you wait to cut the meat, the more it will cook internally.
6. Serve it up! (It doesn't even need any A1 or anything!)

Guyere and Jarlsberg Potatoes Gratin
Things you will need:
8x8 casserole dish, mandolin or a damn good slicing knife

Ingredients:
1 clove of garlic, peeled and cut in half
2 lbs of yukon gold potatoes, peeled and sliced very thinly
2 cups freshly grated Jarlsberg or Gruyere cheese
1 cup regular or heavy cream
Salt
Freshly-ground black pepper
Nutmeg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Slice a clove of garlic in half and rub the inside of the casserole dish with it
Take your mandolin and slice the hell out of those 'taters. I suggest doing it over a large bowl, but that's just me.
Take these potatoes and layer a third of them in the bottom of your dish.
Because I have yet to find pre-grated/ shredded gourmet cheeses yet, I bought wedges of jarlsberg and guyere cheese and hand-tossed the two together. I then sprinkled this mix onto the layer of sliced potatoes.
Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and nutmeg.
Repeat with a second layer.
Melt the butter with a little rosemary and slowly add it to the cream, stirring constantly to avoid curdling. Pour this over the layers of potatoes and cheeses.
Bake, uncovered, for 50-60 minutes until the top is crisp and golden brown. Keep checking to make sure it doesn't burn.
Serve when still piping hot.

Hericot Vert
Things you need:
non-stick skillet, tongs, serving bowl

Ingredients:
1/3 cup Butter
1 bag frozen haricot verts beans (Whole Foods)

1. Melt 1/8 c. butter in skillet
2. Toss in frozen beans
3. add rest of butter, toss
4. salt and pepper to taste

Chocolate Mousse Torte:
Things you need:
mixing bowl, melting bowl, spoon, cookie sheet, electric mixer, saucepan

Ingredients:
sugar
4 eggs, separated
8 squares semisweet chocolate
vegetable cooking spray
2 tbsp butter
2 cups heavy cream
Chocolate-covered orange rind
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/4 tsp salt
1-1/3 cups milk
mini chocolate pie crusts

1. In medium-sized bowl, stir milk, salt, gelatin, and 1/3 cup sugar; let stand 1 minute; stir. Cook on high for 3 minutes; stir once.
2.In 4-quart bowl, whisk hot-milk mixture into egg yolks. Cook on medium heat for 4 minutes or until slightly thickened; stir in 6 squares chocolate until smooth; chill 20 minutes or until lukewarm.
3.. Meanwhile, spray cookie sheet with vegetable cooking spray. Arrange pie crusts equally spaced ontop of it.
4.Melt 2 squares chocolate and butter on high for 1-1/2 minutes; spread mixture on bottom of mini pie crusts. Freeze 15 minutes.
5. Beat egg whites and 1/4 cup sugar to stiff peaks. Beat 1-1/4 cups cream to soft peaks; fold both into chocolate mixture, first whipped cream, then meringue; pour over crusts. Refrigerate 3 hours or until set.
6. Whip remaining cream; spoon onto torte. Garnish with 1 Chocolate-covered orange rind each.

Lemon Raspberry Tarte:
Things you will need:
large mixing bowl, mini cupcake pan, fork, wax paper

Ingredients:
2¼ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon salt
1½ sticks (6 ounces) cold unsalted butter
2 cups (1 pint) raspberries, divided
1 jar lemon curd
1/4 cup confectioners sugar
1 bar white chocolate

Combine the flour and salt in a large bowl. Work in the butter with your fingers until the mixture is crumbly. Add ½ cup cold water and stir with a fork until the dough comes together in a ball. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and knead just until smooth. Divide the dough in half and form each piece into a round; wrap each round in wax paper and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 400°. Invert a 24-cup mini cupcake pan and lightly grease the outside bottoms and sides. Roll out 1 piece of dough on a lightly floured surface into a 5-inch round. Cut into four 2.5-inch rounds, reserving the scraps. Drape the 2.5-inch rounds over the muffin cups to mold into the cup shape. Repeat with the second piece of dough and any scraps, for a total of 24 tart shells. Prick the flat surface of each shell all over with a fork and refrigerate for 15 minutes.
Bake the tart shells on the cupcake pan until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Let the tart shells cool on the pan before removing.
Spoon lemon curd into each pie shell and sprinkle with berries and confectioners sugar. Serve with white chocolate chunk.

Lobster Bisque a la Boston:
Things you will need:
saucepan, spoon, ladel

Ingredients:
Whole foods frozen lobster meat
Whole foods pre-made (frozen) lobster bisque
Dry white wine (I used Menage Trois Chardonnay because it has buttery notes)
French bread roll

1. Thaw lobster meat and soup
2. combine all wet ingredients and heat in saucepan over medium heat.
3. Spoon into individual bowls.
4. Slice french bread and serve alongside for dipping.
**Sorry, sometimes, it's not worth the money to cook everything from scratch!**

MMMM Turkey Balls.

2009-11-26T14:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, I know it's been a while since I've been able to post, but with the Holidays coming and trying to get off the "naughty list", Ive been a VERY busy girl. But now that my bosses have fallen off the face of the earth, i'm left with a pretty decent amount of time to play catch-up here. That being said, the holidays are always an awesome time to practice my culinary skillz. So I guess Thanksgiving would be as good of any as a place to start.
This year, Thanksgiving was quite the bustling holiday for the Boiface and I; we decided to be ambitious and to try and hit up both of our families' dinners this year. And I have to admit, for as enjoyable and stress-relieving as cooking can normally be for me, this turkey day ended up being more like an Iron Chef competition than a day at the spa. Between Geoff's aunts and my grandma, the culinary expertise was through the roof! In fact, I'm glad there was no REAL cookoff, because I surely would have lost; my meager contribution of Turkey Balls (not what you think, don't worry, I'll explain later...) and cornbread casserole would have been immediately disqualified. That doesn't mean they weren't awesome, they just are incomparable to things like a crown roast, 7-layer salad, carmel fluff apple dip, or deep fried turkey, at least, in my opinion.
According to everyone else, however, my dishes were "awesome", "so good", and "delish!" I even got a few "wow. what's in this?".So, as my duty as a food blogger, I will now divulge the recipes that helped create my Thanksgiving debut.

"Turkey Balls"
Stuff you'll need:
cupcake pan, electric mixer, popcorn bowl, normal-sized microwave-safe bowl, spatula, spoon, possibly a food processor (if you're a sissy), wax paper, and cookie sheets OR a block of Styrofoam and lollipop sticks (depending on if you want to make them into "balls" or "pops")

ingredients:
1 box butter cake mix
2 eggs
1 jar cream cheese frosting
1 large or 2 small white chocolate candy melts
1 large or 2 small white milk chocolate candy melts
1 small can pumpkin puree
couple shakes of nutmeg

These are so easy, i'm tempted not to even number my steps.. basically, empty boxed cake mix into a bowl and add your eggs, nutmeg, and 1 cup of pumpkin puree. Mix and bake in a cupcake pan. Viola! you have the base to your turkey balls!
Once your pumpkin cupcakes have cooled down, get ready to have the REAL fun...this is were you get to go hands-on with your food. Like, literally. I want you to wash your hands, and start mushing up and breaking apart the pumpkin cakes in a giant popcorn bowl. Isn't it fun?!?! (If you are having trouble turning them into crumbs, just toss them in a food processor and crumb away!
When you've successfully demolished your once-pumpkin cupcakes into a giant bowl of crumbly goodness, go ahead and dump your jar of cream cheese frosting into it. I hope you didn't feel the need to wash your hands, because you're gonna stick them right back into that lovely bowl of goo and mix. Make sure you coat every crumb with that frosting because your gonna roll them into little balls and place them onto wax-paper covered cookie sheets.
Then, you are going to take these cookie sheets and put them into the fridge for at least 10 minutes to harden up a bit (it makes it SOOO much easier to work with. trust me on this one!)
While those are hardening in the icebox, dump either one of the melting chocolate packages into your normal bowl. Nuke them as the package should tell you to do...DO NOT over melt. they will get ruined and if you get the quality kind, they will have been a giant waste of your money. ALSO, DO NOT add milk to make them more liquidy if they start to re-harden prematurely. I guarantee the whole chocolate batch will curdle. AKA-waste of time and money.
Take the balls out of the fridge and stick a lollipop into it's butt and dip it into the chocolate. (If you are feeling mischievous, go on and toss some salt on them before the chocolate finally hardens. You will have successfully made any Southpark junkies dream food.) If you are just wanting to finish making your dish, just stick them into the Styrofoam block or place them, stick-up on the cookie sheet. Return to the fridge.
Do the same for the other type of chocolate.
While all these are freezing their little turkey asses off, start making the artsy-fartsy part of the dessert; the Royal Icing:
Things you will need:
electric mixer,spatula, sandwich baggies, twist-ties, scissors, and wax paper
Ingredients:

4 cups confectioners sugar
2 large egg whites
2 tsp fresh lemon juice
yellow and red food coloring

In the bowl of your electric mixer (or with a hand mixer), beat the egg whites with the lemon juice. Add the sifted powdered sugar and beat on low speed until combined and smooth. The icing needs to be used immediately or transferred to an airtight container as royal icing hardens when exposed to air. Cover with a damp cloth when not in use.

Divide this large batch into three smaller ones and add red to one, yellow to another, and red and yellow to the last one and mix each until desired hue of red, orange and yellow are reached. As quickly as possible, transfer these into your sandwich baggies and squish it into the corners. cut a TINY snippet of the corner of the baggie off and twist the top to pipe it out.

On a sheet of wax paper placed either on your countertop or cookie sheet, pipe little feathers out. (Mine resembled little daisy petals.

While these are hardening, get your balls out of the fridge and pipe a little beak, eyes, and wings on each. Then stick your little tail feathers on the back once they're done.

Then place back into fridge and try not to bump. Royal icing tends to be a fragile little bitch.

Next up, is what I refer to as my "BB Kornbread Kasserole". "Corny", I know, but there's a good reason behind the name. So when you're making it you should....
...what? oh. You wanna know the reason behind it's weird name? Well, then, here goes. (You all know how much I like telling stories, lol.) I should probably preface this story by informing you that I was a great big bio-nerd in college, majoring in premed and psychology and belonged nearly to every geeky thing imaginable in my time there. We're talking red cross club, sustainability club, i worked as a bio lab assistant, in research, on rescue squad, and had leadership roles in both of the pre-professional honors societies BBB and AED. Contrary to what you might think, the bread is NOT named after my biological honors society (which, if it were, would qualify me as culinary's biggest loser, and would be your ticket to stop reading this blog forever) but rather after an opportunity I was given through AED to go down to Memphis, Tennessee. In Memphis, we not only served for a week at a free healthcare clinic and it's adjoining wellness center, but also got the opportunity to party-hardy on Beale Street.
For those of you who know me well enough, know that I'm a HUGE blues fan, specifically Eric Clapton and...(drumroll please) BB King. You might be saying, "sure, cool. The King is awesome, but why name your casserole after him?Is that even a compliment?" Well, the answer is that while we were serving at this wellness center, one of our duties was to teach some of the young children in its daycare how to cook affordable healthy meals. Now, I had a 4-year old, so my idea of the type of food i should make for this toothless toddler would be a popsicle and a sippy cup of liquid vicodin. (Who news such little things could have so much annoying energy?) Instead, however, it was requested by Shanteia* herself that she wanted cornbread. I was like "are you kidding? what kind of planet are you from kid?" and her swift response was "im fwom erf dummy and i aint got no teef. So make it good en thoggy en stuff." [Translation: I'm from Earth, dummy and I ain't got no teeth. So make it good and soggy and stuff.] So this is what I came up with. It's healthy, gets a couple veggie servings, a grain serving, a fat, dairy, and protein. Oh, and it's soft enough for a picky preschooler to eat.

"BB Kornbread Kasserole"
Things you'll need:
large bowl, electric mixer, a casserole dish
Ingredients:
1 box Jiffy brand cornbread mix
1 can (14-1/2 ounces) creamed corn
1 can (15 ounces) whole corn kernels, drained
2 large eggs
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
1/4 to 1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/2 package of bacon (or more)

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixing bowl, mix together the cornbread mix, creamed corn, corn kernels, eggs, salt, sour cream, and butter.

2. While mixing, fry up that bacon baby! till its crisp but NOT burned. If it burns, redo it- it's not worth it to ruin the rest of your dish

3. Transfer to a 13-x-9-inch baking dish greased with the bacon drippings from the pan.

4. Bake for 30 minutes or until the center is firm. Remove from the oven (you can let cool, if you want to serve it later, or in my case, transport it across the state).

5.Sprinkle the cheese on top. Return to the oven and bake for 15 more minutes. Serve immediately.

6. Try not to blink because it will have dissappeared.

Ugh, the Brownies dissapointed... and I'm NOT talking dessert.

2009-11-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

Actually, come Sunday night, after a long weekend of babysitting, driving, and visiting the loves of my life, I rolled into good old Beachwood and whipped up some killer Whatsup Brownies, to go along with a meat-lovers pizza and bubble gum vodka. And you thought us "cooking -types" would be good at mixing flavors, lol.
It all turned out to be pretty delicious considering how last-minute and avante-guard it was. The pizza, made using a much different meathod of making the dough than usual, was absolutely delish. The resulting golden, fluffy, yet crunchy crust was made with none other than, my favorite... beer (good beer of course, nothing less). As you should all know, i am a firm believer that beer falls into the category of "the more the better." So why not add it to pizza? Actually, it was the biology-nerd in me coming out for the idea for this method; noticing that my friend's almost perfectly stocked kitchen lacked active dry yeast, I thought what DOES he have that could sub? Hm.. well, since he had more beer than condiments in his fridge, and since beer has yeast, I figured it would work. AND IT DID! Booyah!
Here's how:
Ingredients:

3 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons Italian herbs
4 large cloves of garlic, diced
5 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
2 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 bottle beer

mix Italian herbs with garlic and olive oil.

In a large mixing bowl, combine all-purpose flour, baking powder, salt and herb mix. Pour in 3/4 beer; stir until stiff dough is formed.

Take final swig of beer to the face, and crack open another. Save the bottle.

Knead small amounts of flour into the dough, until it is non-sticky and ready to spread.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Spread out on cookie sheet (greased with olive oil and sprinkled with flour) or pizza stone sprinkled with flour using the beer-bottle rolling-pin method, or if you have successfully finished the remainder of the 6-pack, feel free to attempt the pizza-frisbee method. Next, cover with toppings of your choice.We obviously chose to use mozzarella, pepperjack, and white cheddar for the triple cheese, (seeing as though those were the only types in his fridge), sausage, pepperoni, ham, and chicken for the meat-lovers. To both we added marinara sauce, and their crusts were sprinkled with a little parmesean cheese before they were shoved into the oven for 15 to 20 minutes on the middle rack, until the cheese browned and the crust looked done.

While these were baking, I decided we needed something sweet. Okay, maybe only I needed something sweet because, as you know, I'm not the craziest about pizza. But no matter what the motivation was to make some killer brownies its surely what was made. Thank God for this boy's affection for chocolate because we were able to load these little confections chuck-full of fudgey goodness. Now, I'm no Semi-homemade Anyone, and i'm not fond of using anything that comes out of a box, but due to cost and efficiency and lack of patience from the boys, I ended up using Betty Crocker Fudge brownie mix instead of making them from scratch. To this, however, we added a little bit more salt, a couple tablespoons butter in place of a couple Tblsp of oil, and only 1 out of 2 egg yolks. To this mix we added Hershey's chopped up candy bar, Butterfingers, snickers, Oreos, and M&Ms.They turned out dense, yet fluffy; gooey and warm. And as Al quite appropriately said... "that's whatsup!"

Are you mimicking me?!?!

2009-11-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

    If this was CT asking, I'd say "yes". (How's that for under 8 words Stoven?) Not that I'm mimcking the Turk himself, but rather the dish he made. Basically, after writing the epics that were the last 2 blogs, I got a little hinkering for my favorite meal of the Grovewood Wine Dinner. Lucky for me, I had gone to Big Bird (aka-giant eagle) a few days earlier to get stuff to make my "feel better soup." Not that a chicken broth-based soup would-have cured me of H1N1 if I had it, but it always does wonders for a knock-you-on-your-ass cold. Which is exactly what I had; all of last week. bleh. And although there are not too many good things that can come from getting ill with a still-processing health insurance package, it did allow me to really cook some good stuff and to dive into a few good articles of Bon Appetit.
    Like any good culinary crusader, I charged into the kitchen the other knight (haha) armed with a great recipe and a grociery bag full of new goodies ready to combat a growling tummy. So out came the CAST IRON SKILLET, on went the apron (yes, I have an apron), and open went the book, and I was ready to roll!
My choice for the night was the butter-herb chicken, with the bacon-sauteed Brussels sprouts, and my own red-skin potatoes. I had deciede on this looong before, like imediately after it hit my toungue at the tavern, that this would be the first dish i tried to make. So I started taking out all of my ingredients, one-by-one, to start preparing stuff. Potatoes? Check. Chicken? Check. Butter? Always. Brussel Sprouts? Check. Bacon? Check. NO, WAIT! make that "uncheck." Damnit, the bacon I had was "permanently borrowed" by a certain roommate's boyfriend and the remainder was left unwrapped and had gone bad. Ugh. ok, so I figured i'd find a way to make due...um...."what's like bacon but not bacon? hm." Turkey? no. hamburger? no. Pepperoni? YES!
    Ok, phew. On to the other ingredients: Cream? well, I guess Lactaid will have to do. EVOO? Standard. Hold on... Herbs de what???Are you serious? Ugh, I think poultry seasoning, garlic powder, and parsley will suffice.And we're off. Here's how the replacements did...

    Chicken- First of all, I used tenderloins, not thighs. And instead of rubbing the butter-herb paste under the skin, I just poked holes throughout the chicken and rubbed it ontop. As the butter melted, it seeped into the holes and basically had the same effect, keeping it juicy and moist the whole time.

   The paste itself was actually butter at room temp that was mashed with garlic, poultry seasoning, smoked salt, and pepper, and turned out to be pretty awesome.

    As far as the Brussels sprouts go, I decided to opt out of baking them, since the chicken was taking up the oven and my tummy wasn't getting any quieter, and instead grilled them. Like I expected, just as good, adn kept them firmer, which is what I prefer anyways.

    While the chicken was baking and the brussel sprouts were grilling, I took the pepperoni, diced it, and sauteed it in the EVOO. The funny thing is, is that I actually preferred the taste of the pepperoni OVER the bacon...the extra kick from the spiceyness of the pepperoni was really nice. after a minute, the Brussels sprouts were tosssed into the CAST IRON SKILLET and to that was added a little bit of butter (cuz butter=better. Except for your waistline), minced garlic, smoked salt, and the Lactaid. After reducing, it all ended up tasting the same... weird.

    The potatoes were made as always; simple yet delish. I LOVE red-skin potatoes, so earthy and good. Mmm!

Potatoes:
1 lb red-skin potatoes
1 Tblsp EVOO
3tsp parsley

1. Boil the potatoes until soft
2. Drain and drizzle with EVOO
3. sprinkle with parsley. Done.

What do ya know, i may have worked some magic in my own kitchen this time. David Blake, watch out!

Let me get an encore! Do ya want more?

2009-11-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I've got a couple extra minutes to donate to this blog, AND what better way to thank you for reading my doozy of an entry than giving you the recipes to the yummies? So, here they are. Enjoy!

*OH! and if you do happen to recreate these... gimme some feedback! I'd love to know how they turned out in your own kitchens!*

(1) Grilled Flatbreads with Pear and Chevre

Ingredients:
1 ball prepared pizza dough (or use the pizza dough recipe from my previous posts), divided into 4 pieces
2 firm but ripe Bosc pears, halved length-wise & cored
EVOO
ground paprika
fine sea salt
4 oz baby greens (arugula, spinach, etc..)
8oz. goat cheese

Steps:
1. Cut pear halves vertically into very thin 1/4-inch-thick slices. Brush both sides with oil, ten prinkle with paprika. Arrange on sheet of foil. If using pizza stone, place in oven. Preheat oven to 500* F for at least 45 minutes.
2. Stretch and roll each dough ball into 9-inch round on lightly floured work surface. Place one dough round on floured pizza peel or rimless baking sheet. Brush with oil; sprinkle with sea salt and paprika. Scatter 1/4 of greens over. Drizzle lightly with oil. Top with pear slices and 1/4 of cheese.
3. Slide flatbread onto hot pizza stone or baking sheet. Bake until crust is golden brown and crisp and cheese is melted, rotating occasionally, 10-11 minutes. Repeat with remaining flatbreads. Transfer flatbreads to plates.
**Serves 4**

(2) Butter & Herb-Roasted Chicken with Creamy Polenta
Ingredients:
Chicken-
2 Tblsp (1/4 stick) butter, room temperature
2 Tblsp dried herbes de Provence
1 Tblsp coarse kosher salt
8 bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs

Creamy Polenta-
2 cups heavy cream
2 cups water
1 tsp coarse kosher salt
1 cup polenta (coarse cornmeal)

Steps:
1. Preheat oven to 400*F
2. Place butter, herbs de Provence, and salt into a small bowl; mash with a fork until blended to a thick granular paste. Carefully run fingers under skin of chicken thighs to loosn. Rub her-seasoned butter on chicken under loosened skin and on outside of each chicken
3. arrange thighs, skin-side up, on a baking sheet and roast until done, about 30 minutes.
4. While the chicken is baking, bring the cream, water and salt from the polenta to boil in a heavy large saucepan or a CAST IRON SKILLET on med-high heat. Gradually whisk in polenta. Reduce heat to low; simmer until smooth and thick, stirring almost constantly, about 18 minutes.
5. Take off heat to allow to fluff up and cool.
**Serves 4**

(3) Ginger-Sake Marinated Salmon, Baby Bok Choy
Ingredients:
Salmon-
2/3 cup chicken stock
1/3 cup sake
3 Tblsp soy sauce
1 Tblsp grated ginger (or more to taste)
1 tsp minced garlic (or more if you don't want to make out with your guests)
2 -3 Tblsp unsalted butter
4 6-oz salmon fillets
EVOO
Salt and pepper

Baby Bok Choy-
4 baby bok choy, leaned with bottoms left intact and halved length-wise
1 Tblsp Asian sesame oil
Salt & freshly ground pepper

Steps:
1. In a medium saucepan, combine stock, sake, soy sauce, ginger, and garlic over medum heat. Bring to a boil and simmer until reduced by half, 8-10 minutes. Season with additional ginger, if desired. Whisk in the butter. (Note: this sauce can be made up to 5 days in advance, but whisk in the butter just before serving)
2. Cover and refridgerate
3. Preheat Broiler or prepare a grill
4. Turn your attention to the baby bok choy; Cover the bottom of a large CAST IRON SKILLET with 1/2 in cwater.
5. Add bok choy, drizzle with sesame oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper.
6. Coer and cook over high heat until bok choy is tender, about 5 minutes.
7. Remove bok choy and boil the liquid left in the skillet until it reduces to a glaze, about 1 minute; pour this over the bok choy.
8. Remove the salmon from the fridge and place on prepared broiler or grill. Turn salmon once and baste with the sauce until the fish looks opaque when the point of a knife is inserted into the thickest part; about 3-4 minutes per side.
9. Bring the remaining sauce to a simmer right before serving and gently pour over salmon.
**Serves 4**

(4) Spiced Cherry Duck
Ingredients:
Sauce-
1 bay leaf
4 whole cloves
4 black peppercorns
3 slices frsfresh lemon
1 1/2 cups spicy red wine, such as a Syrah or Red Zinfendel
1/2 cups kirsch or other cherry-flavored brandy
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup sugar
3 cups canned, pitted sour cherries
1 cinnamon stick
1vanilla bean, halved lengthwise
1 sheet cheese cloth

Duck-
8 boneless Muscovy duck breast halves
salt & freshly ground black pepper

Steps:
1. Preheat oven to 400*F
2. While oven is preheating, assemble a "bouquet garni:" Tie bay leaf, cloves, peppercorns, and lemon slices together in the cheese cloth

3. Combine wine, kirsch, water, sugar, and bouquet garni in a 4-court heavy saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Ad cherries with any accumulated juices, cinnamon stic and vanilla bean an dsummer, uncovered until cherries are tender but still slightly firm (about 3-4 minutes)
4. Drain cherries in a sieve set over a bowl. Return cooking liquid to pan along with the vanilla bean, cinnamon stick, and bouquet garni and boil until the mixture is reduced to abou t3/4 cup, about 12-15 minutes.
5. Cool liquid slightly and discard vanilla bean, cinnamon stick, and cheesecloth bag. Transfer cherries and cooled liquid to glass bowl and let rest, covered at least 2 hours to allow flavors to develop.
6. WIth a sharp knife, score the fat of the duck breasts in a criss-cross pattern. Season the duck with salt and pepper.
7. Warm a CAST IRON SKILLET over medium heat, and place the duck breasts, fat-side down, in teh skillet to render off the fat (about 6 minutes). Reserve rendered duck fat. Turn the duck breasts over and sear for 1 minute.
8. Turn the breast so that the fat-side is down and place the skillet into teh oven to roast for 7-9 minutes, until breasts are medium rare. Let the duck breasts rest for 5 minutes, then thinly slice.
9. Gently warm remaining cherries and glaze, pour over cooked duck and serve.
**Serves 8**

(5) Pomegranate & Orange Glazed Pork Tenderloin with Bacon-roasted brussels sprouts
Ingredients:
Brussels Sprouts-
1 1/2 lbs. Brussels sprouts, halved
2 Tblsp EVOO
6 bacon slices
1/2 cup heavy cream
salt & pepper to taste

Spice Paste-
1/2 cup fresh OJ
2 Tblsp soy sauce
2 Tblsp ginger
2Tblsp pomegranate syrup or pomegranate molasses
2 Tblsp hot mustard
2 tsp minced garlic
Grated zest of 1 orange

Basting Sauce-
1/3 cup fresh OJ
3 Tblsp honey
3 Tblsp pmegranate syrup or pomegranate molasses
2 Tblsp soy sauce
2 Tblsp reserved [spice paste]

3 lbs pork tenderloins

Steps:
1. Place the pork in a large, non-aluminum container.
2. Make spice paste: In a bowl, stir together the orange juice, soy sauce, ginger, pomegranate syup, hot mustard, orange zest, and garlic. Reserve 2 Tblsp paste for the sauce, but rub the remainder onto the meat.
3. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator 6hrs- overnight. *Make sure you let the meat sit at room temp for 30 minutes before cooking.*
4.Take pork out of fridge and Preheat oven to 400*F
5.In a large bowl, toss sporouts with EVOO and a good sprinkle of salt.
6. Place cut-side down on a heavy baking sheet an bake until lightly browned and tender (about 30-40 min)
7. Place bacon in large CAST IRON SKILLET over meduim heat until crispy.
8. While bacon and Brussels sprouts are cooking, make the Basting sauce: in a bowl, whisk together the OJ, honey, pomegranate syrup, soy sauce, and reserved spice paste. Set aside 1/4 cup of sauce for dressing at the end.
9. By now, the bacon and brussels sprouts should be done; Remove the bacon from the skillet and move to a paper towel-lined plate to cool. Discard all but 1 Tblsp of drippings. Also remove the Brussels sprouts from the oven and add to drippings, slowly adding the cream, salt and pepper. Simmer on low heat until the cream is absorbed and reduced.
10. While the sprouts are warming and absorbing the cream sauce, return your attention to the pork; prepare the broiler. Broil the meat while basitnig with the sauce and turning a few time to evenly cook it (about 8 minutes per side).
11. Transfer the meat to a carving board and let sit for 5 minutes. Thinly slice the meat, plate, and spoon reserved basting sauce over the meat.
12. Add the bacon to the Brussels sprouts, stir, and plate immediately.
**Serves 6**

(5)Pumpkin Mousse with a Pecan Toffee Crunch "Spoon"
Ingredients:
Pecan Toffee Crunch Spoon-
6 oz. pecans, chopped
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/3 cup water
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp salt

Mousse-
2 cups chilled heavy whipping cream, divided
3/4 cup sugar
5 large egg yolks
1 1/4 cups canned pumpkin (NOT "pumpkin pie filling")
1 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp ground allspice
2 cups dark rum (or more, depending on the level of celebration)
6 oz. Coke or Dr. Pepper*optional

Steps:
1. Preheat oven to 350*F
2. on a large baking pan, spread pecans evenly and toast in middle of oven, stirring nuts half-way through toasting, until golden and fragran (about 10 minutes).
3. In a 3-quart saucepan or CAST IRON SKILLET, bring butter, sugar, water, vanilla, and salt o a boil over maderate heat, stirring with a wooden spoon. Bring the mixture to a slow boil without stirring, but rather occasionally swirling, until the mixture is a deep golden color (about 12 minutes).
4. Remove pan from heat and stir in the chopped pecans. Immediately pour toffee onto baking sheet and with an offset spatula (same thing as an icing spatula), spread in a thin layer. Carefully transfer baking sheet (it will be VERY HOT, so wear mitts and BE CAREFUL!) to a rack and cool toffee.
5. While the toffee is hardening, start making the mousse by adding 3/4 cup of the whipping cream to a clean CAST IRON SKILLET. Add the sugar and egg yolks and stir over medium-low heat until the mixture has thickened to a pudding-like consistency (about 10 minutes). But remember DO NOT BOIL IT! Unless of course you'd like pumpkin cottage-cheese instead of mousse.
6. Transfer mixture to a large bowl; mix in pumpkin (1/2-cup by 1/2 cup, don't just plop the whole thing in at once unless you were planning on splatter-painting your walls orange.), vanilla, ground cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, salt and allspice.
7. Before stirring, separate 2 Tblsp of the dark rum, and pour the rest into high ball glasses. top off with Coke or Dr. Pepper, drink (or chug). Add the reserved 2 Tblsp to bowl and stir.
8. Refridgerate, uncovered until cold, stirring occasionally (about 40 minutes).
9. Beat remaining 1/14 cream in antoher large bowl unti cream holds peaks. Transfer 1/2 cup now whipped cream to mediu bowl for garnish; cover and chill.
10. Fold the remaining wipped cream into pumpkin mixture, cover and re-refridgerate for 4-24 hours.
11. Break toffee into "spoons"
12. Divide mousse into 4 goblets, top with whipped cream, and a toffee spoon.
**Serves 4**

Turk-ish Delight

2009-11-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

   So before I get back to documenting all the yummies I've whipped up for the boys, I might as well continue documenting the great month that was October. For someone who was basically on bed-rest for the majority of September, I really managed to have caught up on the social scene around town. From friends' weddings, to beer week, to Cali, all the way to Halloween, this month has been chuck full of things to do. The majority of them, maybe not so surprisingly, involve food and booze, more specifically beer. Even the not-so-special events this month, such as chillin with CT on his couch below E and Stoven, not only involved the consumption of alcohol, but also an invitation to consume even more alcohol within the week. Initially I complained, but the boys have some sort of magical manipulation tactic that gets me every time; I mean, this was the week following CBW... I had planned on detoxing! psht. much good that did. But it ended up being an awesome decision to have one more night of debauchery. (Cummon, lets be honest though, when is debauchery NOT a good idea, if only in retrospect? lol)
   This "debauchery" I'm referring to is the Argyle Wine Dinner at Grovewood Tavern and Wine Bar in East Cleveland. Now, for those of you who haven't heard of Grovewood Tavern, know that you're not alone; if it hadn't have been for the fact that I cook for E and Stoven and they live above the guy who cooks for this restaurant, there's a VERY large chance that I wouldn't have heard of it either. But man, would I have been sorry to have missed out on this place! For as much as CT talked it up, I was starting to wonder if all the praise was really just overcompensation for something the joint may have actually have been lacking, but alas, I was TOTALLY wrong. CT not only hit nail on the head as far as a visual description (despite the near copious amount of booze he'd consumed), but his enthusiasm for the fare there was certainly not underscored. Just as he described, it's one of those little-known epicurean secrets here in Northeast Ohio; not much to the eyes,almost unidentifiable from the outside, but VERY much to the tastebuds and tummy. I'd go so far as to say it could stand up in an Iron Chef match against every West-side restaurant I've ever been to...and win. [Sidenote: How great of an idea would that be? Cleveland should DEFINITELY consider holding an Iron Chef competition here. West Side vs. East Side! Whoo-hoo!]
   But let me digress- The Tavern didn't just have great food (which I'll detail shortly) it had an awesome (although small) bar with some pretty exclusive beers, a 3-page wine list, and impressive brands of scotch that even got a little rise out of E's brow. In fact, the wine that was being showcased that night was from a pretty impressive little winery out of Oregon called Argyle, who's current wines include an Oregon Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, Riesling and a Sparkling wine, and all of which score EBT's Best Wines on WineSpectator.
These were then paired with FANTASTIC dishes (6 courses!) made with love by CT and his roommate (the human one anyways). Alright, ready to get jealous? Because there is no way you can't be jealous knowing that I got the recipes for all the meals we had that night. That's right. And I can guarantee that after you read about what we had, you'll be begging for them. (I might give them up...we'll see how nice I'm feeling by the end of this post.)
   Much like I said earlier, the wines were specifically paired with the courses so that they complimented each other; the food brought out nuances in the wine, and the wine did the same for the food. To start the dinner out, we were given a little introduction and information about Argyle and how Oregon's cold climate effected the crisp taste of the wine; for example, wine made with grapes from california versus wine made with grapes from Oregon is very similar to the taste difference between an apple left out on the counter and eaten versus one kept in the fridge overnight. The apple left in the fridge is, obviously colder, but also crisper, more acidic and oxidizes less quickely when exposed to air. The wine from Oregon is the same- crisper and more acidic because of the cooler climate the grapes are grown in. The climate is also why Argyle only produces the types of wines I listed above, it's just not suitable to grow grapes used in any other types of wines. The things this winery does produce, however, are top-notch and absolutely delicious. Take, for example, the first wine served, the 2005 Brut, which was "peared" with a pear and chevre grilled flatbread(1). Both light, both with delicate flavors that combined very well. I've got to admit that this is something that I've certainly had before, many times myself having adapted it into salad form, substituting the flatbread for mixed spring greens and arugula, and adding candied pecans.
   The next course was by far, hands-down, was my favorite, as well as the wine that it was paired with. Now, mind you, I'm normally not one to be overly impressed by chicken unless its been pounded, stuffed, rolled, or turned in-side out, and we all know that i'm not a huge grain fan. To top it off, although I am a white wine fan, I tend to prefer sweet wines. In fact, when I read "Butter and herb-roasted chicken with creamy polenta(2)", I figured the only part I'd like was the butter...go figure. BUT this was excellently made; the chicken was moist and juicy and not overbearingly dressed, and the polenta wasn't just creamy, it was "melt-in-your-mouth-orgasmic". And while I hesitated ruining the amazing taste I had in my mouth, I went ahead and took a sip of the 2006 Nuthouse Chardonnay. To my surprise, the cool wine had creamy notes predominant among the other pear, lime, floral, and even hazelnut flavors. The fact that it exhibited a sort of creaminess actually helped it enhance the flavor of the meal, rather than counteracting it like a normal dry Chardonnay would do.
   When the server came to clear our plates, I was nearly in tears; it evoked the same kind of panicked emotion of a stranger taking away my favorite blanket or something. This fear was soon quelmed by the next (and third) glass of wine placed in front of me, the 2007 Willamette Valley Pinot Noir; while this was far out of the league of the Nuthouse, it pacified me until our next course, the Ginger-sake marinated salmon with baby bok choy(3), came. I'm not gonna lie, in comparison to the other dishes thus-far, this one fell short. Perhaps this harsh judgment rests completely in the comparison to our last course, or maybe even because I pride myself in my own preparation of seafood, but this salmon was BLLLLAAAAANNNNNDDDDD. It reminded me of a frozen salmon fillet from Walmart that was nuked and tossed over wilted lettuce; i.e.-not impressive. I guess I assumed this would be a fantastic dish based on the fact it was marinated in sake. (For me, its a simple equation: sake (delish) + salmon (delish) = double delish.) But alas, the old adage of "when you assume you make an ass out of u and me," still holds true.
   This subtle disappointment gave way to the warm fuzzies when our 4th glass of 2006 Reserve Pinot Noir was served. Still not as impressive as the nuthouse, its seductive blend of ripe red berries and subtle spice were a great introduction to the absolutely delicious fourth course of spiced cherry duck over asparagus(4). For while chicken was a pleasant surprise, THIS was the dish I was waiting for, and it did ANYTHING but disappoint. The only reason why the chicken won over its brother, the duck, was because the duck was a little, ok way undercooked. Besides that, the asparagus were crisp and the sauce was scrumptious; I can't wait to perfect it at home!
   The last dinner course was E's fave: the Pomegranate & orange glazed pork tenderloin with bacon-roasted brussels sprouts(5). The thing that impressed me the most about this meal actually had nothing to do with the food at all. I was flabbergasted not only that E knew what a pomegranate was (aside from an urban dictionary definition), but also that he actually likes brussels sprouts. Like. Whoa. I'm glad E really enjoyed this course because it allowed me to drink and really taste the last wine they served while he ate the majority of my course (I'm not gonna lie, I was starting to get pretty stuffed by now too, so I honestly didn't mind). The reason why I tried to focus on this last wine, wasn't only because it was the last wine we got for the night, but also because it was another "Nuthouse" variety from Argyle, except this time, it was a 2005 Pinot Noir. I really liked this wine, mostly because it brought out distinct blueberry and oak flavors that are extremely unique for a pinot noir. I'm sure that it would've paired greatly with the pomegranate in the tenderloin glaze, but I can only say that it was fabulous all on its own.
   And although I complained about the fact I was getting stuffed at the last course, I magically made room for the pumpkin mousse with pecan toffee bark(6). Three words: OH MA GAWD. Seriously, I've always believed that the season of fall is not complete until I have in some way, shape, or form, consumed my body's weight in pumpkin. Whether it be pumpkin pie, pumpkin squash, pumpkin soup, pumpkin pancakes, you name it, I love it. But I think I've found a new favorite pumpkin dish: mousse. The creamy, airy texture makes you feel like your eating pumpkin-whip. AH! so good. What a great way to wrap up a super wine & dine night.
     Doh! wait, did I say wrap up? I think I must've meant our left overs (which were scant); because we certainly weren't done with Grovewood just yet. In fact, E and I were talking about scooting over to the bar before the 3rd course was even out. Why we thought we'd need to go to a bar after a wine tasting, I have absolutely no idea. I mean, yeah, it was good, but my hangover the next day wasn't. Yikes. I guess you can take the girl out of the bar, but ya can't take the bar out of the girl.

Blood is thicker than water, but not as thick as booze...

2009-11-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

Genetics are a funny thing; I once heard it said that, "“genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't why you should [take a really good look at the mailman]." (ok, so I totally added that last part...too easy.) To me, that would also explain why I act like my dad, and when I don't, why I should. Sure, sure, you're thinking, "are you saying you're butch?" No. I'm saying that I'm cool. Because that is what my dad is. Ask anyone, including Stoven and E, and they'll tell you that my dad is a "pretty cool guy". (If you asked any of my friends from high school, though, they'd prolly say that my dad's a "DILF." Gross. Lets just not go there...) I've heard it throughout my whole life, and I can't say I can deny it...he's one of those people who grew up with my brother and I, adapting to every phase and stage in life that we went through, from not sleeping through the night, to ~~our~~ my brother's imaginary friend George Bob, from bullies, to proms, to diplomas, and eventually to bars. Out of all of them, I think my dad, unlike most parents, breathed a sigh of relief when Andy and I reached the last stage. I don't know if that's because we reached it when we became Flyers or what, but he was almost too eager to take my fake idea out for a spin at the local Mexican restaurant near campus. In fact, I got my first hangover with my dad (or Dick as we'll call him); he had warned me over and over NOT to take that last jame-o shot... all the while knowing that I was too dumb to listen. Oh well... there's always a first for everything I guess.

The similarity to my dad is also what prolly makes me such a daddy's girl. I know that a simple bat of my eyelashes can melt him like a pad of butter in a skillet, so planning to hang out has never been an issue; it basically requires a phonecall, and a request- and BAM! plans made, good-to-go. I know that sounds spoiled, and I won't deny it, but it's not like i ever use my powers to request any thing crazy or torturous for him..like i would NEVER abuse the power of my eyelashes by asking him to paint my nails or something. NEVER. But because I know that his passion for beer and scotch birthed and influenced mine, I felt he'd enjoy a good "night out on the town" with his little girl. How convenient that it was CBW and that E ditched me for Lolitas! (j/k, he just got a great hookup)

So off we went to Beer Engine for their "Red Carpet Event" that featured a meet-and-greet with Ron Jeffries of Jolly Pumpkin, Greg Gireszal of Hofbrau Beer, Isaas Hartman of New Holland, Veronica Sanders of Bells Beer, Jim Lutz of Flying Dog, Michael Bell of Founders, Adam Avery of Avery, Pete Larsen of Global, Garin Wright of Buckeye, and Brad Clark of Jackie O's, and taste their brews along with those from Unibroue, B. United, Dogfish Head, Stone, Breckenridge, Two Brothers, Clipper City, and Brewdog.

I guess we were in a little bit of a hurry to down a cold one (or two), because we actually got to the bar 2 hours earlier than the Brewmasters. This ended up being really convenient becasue; it actually gave us time to get some grub and liquid appetizers. Which was AWESOME. My dad got a decent-sized black and blue burger and a JW Lee Harvest Ale aged in Lagavulin Casks, while I got a Noel du baladin toaccompany my pulled pork salad. Dick LOVED my suggestion to try the JW Lees, as was I seeing as though I'd been trying to get him to try it since I first found it at Whole Foods, but especially because of his love for both good ale and great scotch. (Like father like daughter, no?) And I was really feeling my pulled pork salad until I tried to wash it down with my Noel du Baladin. I was really confused; I'm pretty picky when it comes to beer, and for some reason, Beer Engine's menu sold me with their description of a beer that had a "Fragrance of dried fruits with ripen banana, toffee and a soft sweet chocolate fragrance. The attentive taster shouldn’t miss a sharp floral of rose." What I got was a bland light beer with no taste and all fragrance. Chocolate? no. banana? hell no. dried friuit? f* that. More like a 25 oz bottle of Natty that smelled like my grandmas potporri. And no, that wasn't a typo..I did, in fact get 25 oz of shit. Great. Well, like I said before, there's a first for everything.. even being wrong I guess. [;)] But don't get me wrong, I didn't let my well-spent money go to waste; Dick helped me steal the bottle from the restaurant and it is now home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers at my apartment.

But one bad bottle didn't ruin the entire night; not long after, we got to sample tons of beers and even got to talk to all the big-wigs from all the breweries. Dick was impressed, point for Team Jen.

After about an hour, my dad's seniority started to kick in. I love the guy, but for as much as he likes to believe he's as young and lively as any other college-aged student, his tendency for responsibility and his actual age caught up with him after our third round, forcing us to head toward the door. And as heart-wrenching as it was to go, it was fate- I ran into my idol on the way out. Thats right, the woman from Moxie. WHO, despite being significantly tipsy herself, happened to remember me enough to say hi and introduce herself to my dad. BALLER!

After we parted ways and got into my dad's awesome conversion van, (we like to call it the "shaggin wagon"), I couldn't help but think about the mmagic that is Beer Week andn how it brings people together. Total proof of Ben Franklin's ever-famous saying, "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Cheers to you Ben. Cheers.

Let those without sin, cask the first Stone…

2009-10-30T08:04:00.001-07:00

Ah, Mondays. You either love them or you hate them, (I myself typically belonging to the latter group), but either way, you know that they’re gonna happen and they’re gonna be the initial determinant of the outcome of your week. And like most Mondays, this one was particularly hectic, having me crave a stiff one within the first ten minutes of entering my office. In fact the only thing that helped me make it through the day was the fact that it was CBW, and I knew I’d have one (or five) waiting for me by the end of the evening.

Now, if I told you that I spent my Monday getting Stoned in a Cave, you’d either think I was a member of Al-Qaida or a hippy vagabond, most likely finding it hard to believe that this was the most fun things I’ve done on a Monday in forever. But in my defense, I am not a Muslim nor am I a pothead- just a Midwestern girl with an unusual enthusiasm for high-quality barley pop who lives near one of the coolest wine bars in the city…La Cave Du Vin. Don’t let the sexy name fool you, La Cave du Vin is the East-side’s defense to the pub-obsessed West Side; this classy, almost-secretive, underground adega is not only home to the best wine selection in town, but also happens to have an unparalleled assortment of unique beers from microbrews to Trappist ales to lambics. It’s no wonder that Stone Brewery, one of the most respected in the US, would travel across country to have this little booze grotto host their Vintage Tasting.

Now do you understand why Stone saved my Monday? Well, whether you do or don’t, read on…

Stone Brewery, in my opinion, is a slap in the face to most other American Breweries, zymurgically distinct in its dedication to maintaining balance, depth, and purity when creating their craft beers. Take their famous Arrogant Bastard Ale…even the name kicks some serious ass, and pretty much perfectly describes its taste, which is chuck-full of attitude. According to Stone itself, it is defined as “an aggressive beer. You probably won’t like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory-maybe something with a million-dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it’s made at a little brewery, or that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think that million-dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps your mouthing your words as you read this. Arrogance: The act or quality of being arrogant; undo assumption; overbearing conceit; haughty.” BeerAdvocate, on the other hand, describes it as a medium-bodied American Strong Ale with big hops, toasty malt, and a slightly sweet caramelly finish. I, personally, describe this beer as a delicious “hop-bomb” that leaves my tongue feeling like Hiroshima via 1945, and my stomach warm with delight. Take into consideration, though, that this is their most widely distributed beer; what we sampled were their VINTAGE selections. (That’s right, get jealous. )

Now because I have this knack for being slightly late to most things, it should come of no surprise to anyone that I would have been tardy to the tasting, but in my defense, it wasn’t entirely my fault; consequently, when I came home from work to change for the tasting, my roommate (a psych major) was giving this test to a student of hers, so I had to creep around my house. And because I don’t have stellar coordination, “creeping” around my apartment quickly turned into “bumbling” around my apartment, forcing me to take extra long to leave the house. To add humiliation to the frustration with being late, I realized only as I was leaving that she had been videotaping the entire test, so my carefully chosen curse words were etched permanently in her project. Great.

To make a long story short, by the time I arrived at the tasting, I was 3 “tastes” behind, and proceeded to step up to the plate and play catch-up. On an empty stomach. Repeat after me: ROYALLY. BAD. IDEA. I mean, the beers were absolutely AMAZING, but the aftermath was, well… not so much. But I digress,-- all of the running around, the hectic day at work, and ruining my roommates project were but whispers in the wind after I tried these delectable vintage beers.

Our vertical tasting started with none other than the Vertical Epic 2004 (aka-Stone 04.04.04 because it was created on the 4^th of April of 2004); a very pale Belgian ale, not too strong or overly flavorful, but who’s notes of honey, peach, and possibly coriander. There’s a lot going on for such a seemingly mild ale, making it, to my surprise, my favorite of first set of three we tried. This was quickly followed with the Vertical Epic 2009 (remember, I was playing catch-up?). This Dark Belgium Strong ale was absolutely great; just like Marty had described, it smelled like coffee, and raisin and even had a little bit of a peppery tinge to it. The taste was not that much different than the smell, but the bitter hops come through with a punch and there was even a smokey essence that I picked up on. What a different beer, but it wasn’t as yeasty as many other dark Belgium I had; which could be a good or bad thing depending on who you are I guess.

After the vertical of Verticals (haha), came the Imperial Stouts. Like Kings behind the Pawns these brews advanced in taste and complexity. Now, you have to understand, I am a stout chick; my springboard beer being Guinness, the one that started it all. So I am extremely judgmental of these dark beers, and I don’t know whether it was the fact that I had just basically pounded two pours of vintage Vertical Epics immediately before, but I could not find a single thing wrong with this series of brews. The progression of the three, from the 2006 to the 2008 to the 2009 was absolutely astounding. The way they stood up to each other showcased the great ability of the beer to mature and to become something otherworldly as far as stouts go. I honestly have no idea how any real brew enthusiast could have such an amazing brew sitting in their house for that many years without breaking it open to enjoy… what an incredible test of will. Overall, the Russian Imperial Stouts are hard to describe; they are as black as night in the glass, reminiscent of my friend Innocent, with a thick mouth feel. To me, the predominant tastes in all three were those of molasses and roasted malt, the only thing really differing between the three of them being the overwhelming amount of alcohol-taste. Actually, I take that back; the 2006 actually seemed to have kind of a chocolaty aftertaste, but not like milk-chocolate, although the beer is creamy, more like a dark cocoa. All in all, I say “all hail to the king of stouts!” understanding why it’s rated among the top 10 beers in the world by Ratebeer and Beeradvocate.

After five decent “tastes” of some of the strongest beers in America, I was, needless to say, slightly tipsy. (Okay, maybe “slightly” is a slight understatement…) And because I opted to not have dinner before I went into a beer tasting, it can only be expected that I’d get the munchies, sending E out on a Jimmy Johns run while I ~~sipped~~ chugged some quality Cleveland city water. Eventually I somehow ended up that night playing vagabond half-way up Coventry road, and waking up the next morning having used my pashmina as a blanket. Yikes.

So the moral of the story: Stone= kickass. Stone on an empty stomach=kicks you’re ass.

Do NOT go into the mist...

2009-10-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

While most people spend Sundays singing Handel's Hallelujah at Church, catching up on things not otherwise done throughout the week, or hanging out with family, I spend mine (particularly this Sunday of CBW) singing Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, catching up on the nearly forgotten shenanigans from the night before, and spending time with my "desperately single" (as THEY not I would call them) guy friends watching a horror-ible movie. Although it might sound like I'm a lazy bum, laying around watching movies all day, just waiting around for the CBW events for that particular night to commence, these seemingly mindless activities proved to be just as productive as reading the Sunday paper. Instead of learning the happenings of our town, country, and world, I learn things I had never known; such as E's secret talent for ostrich herding, my secret life as a chair-nazi, and that if you see fog, you're probably going to die (or if not you, everyone else around you that you know and love...thank you Steven King.) To top off my completely unconventional Sunday morning, I chose to forgo a trip to B.E.'s or Denny's for Stoven's runny sunny eggs, moldy toast, and burnt homefries with onions. Move over Bob...Stoven has a calling! Allelujah!
The remainder of the day, as I attempted to sweat out all the drinks I'd consumed the night before (I swear my SAC, or "sweat alcohol content" would have been the equivalent to blowing a BAC far above a .08. ) while E was honing in the troops for another CBW event at La Cav. Unfortunately, by the time I gotten home from the gym, i had only a few scant hours left to work on my "home-work", (as in the type of shit you should have finished at work, but instead have to take it home because you opted to blog instead...) and I ended up having to stay in instead of going to a meet-and-greet with the VP of Founder's Brewery in Grand Rapids. Apparently I missed out on trying their Hand of Doom,Wheatwine, Breakfast Stout, Centennial IPA, Red's Rye PA, Porter, and Dirty Bastard Scotch Ale. One word: BUMMER. And two more words for my guys: lucky bastards. Well, at least my liver thanked me, even if my tastebuds scorned me.

OMG, it's only the 2nd night!

2009-10-22T07:40:00.001-07:00

   For as much as I"ve previously claimed this week in Cleveland history to be "unforgettable," it is quickly turning out to be, in fact, quite the opposite. Thank god for things like interwebs that can retain the memories that I would otherwise drink away. Also, thank god for friends who somehow have amazing recollections of the nights you might otherwise forget. (Actually, no. Damn them and their great black-mailing memories. Something of which I have never been blessed with to "return the favor.")
   Take E for example, he acted like human ridge-filler for the potholes in my memory of Saturday night. Which can potentially be a great thing, considering I want to retain as many details of this week as possible (mostly because I still fear the downfall of Cleveland's economy if in fact Lebron decides to take New York up on their offer, which could ultimately turn this "first annual" event into a "one time" event.) The problem, though, is not with remembering the details of beer week. Those I remember VERY clearly. Like last night's signature event; a Brown Goose Keg Tapping at Southside in Tremont. Ever since the first time E took me to this cute little eclectic bistro, I fell in love with it. It's a little culinary gem on the West side, with unique dishes and rare brews; a perfect place to feature such an exceptional beer from Goose Island. From Butternut Squash Lasagna to spicy fried chicken served on on maple Belgium waffles, everyone can find something unusual to nosh on over a glass of vino or a pint. Keep in mind, though, that the food is only as good as the company you keep, and going with open-minded and adventurous people is key to really enjoying this place since the fare is not for the faint of taste buds. E and I really lucked out because we were able to join up with a great group of people who were easy-going and who kept the conversation flowing as steadily as the drinks. Everyone tried something different; one couple got appetizers of calamari and a dinner of slow-braised lamb shanks with caramelized onions and mashed potatoes; another got a spinach cobb salad with grilled onions, chicken breast, egg, cheese and applewood-smoked bacon as well as a kobe burger (kobe beef being a special grade of beef from the Wagyu cattle in Kobe, Japan. These cattle are massaged with sake and fed a daily diet that includes large amounts of beer. These practices are produce an extraordinarily tender, finely marbled, expensive and full-flavored meat.); Mr. and Mrs. Detail-oriented were with us and they ordered chicken enchiladas (by far the BEST I've ever had. By far.) and the fried chicken and waffles. E and I got a steak burger, bison and black bean chili, and a duck and goat cheese salad with a warm balsamic dressing and sauteed onions, respectively.
   As far as libations went, most of the ladies had wine, with the exception of myself and one other girl (the first and only girl I've met who ALSO likes Guinness) who got beer. I'm pretty sure all of the guys got beer, but I'm only positive of what E and I got: the Imperial Brown Goose Ale by Goose Island. This limited edition old-style ale was absolutely delicious with notes of vanilla, wood, bourbon, and raisin. If I had to compare it to anything I'd say it tasted and smelled like cinnamon-raisin bread made using brand-soaked raisins. It was smooth a thick as it went down and I plan to Beer Spy it and stock up as soon as my next paycheck comes in (screw bills, I can live without water and electricity, but beer? nuh uh.). As E stuck with the Brown Goose, I ventured off to try some Brooklyn Pumpkin Ale, which was pretty good for a pumpkin beer; not too spice-y, not to pumpkin-y, and not so sweet that I felt like I was drinking a Thanksgiving pie. Actually it made for quite an awesome liquid dessert. Maybe a case of it will be my contribution to the holiday this year, considering my Grammy is a culinary goddess who puts Paula Dean to shame making sure every open surface in the house is covered in casseroles, pies, cookies, turkeys (yes plural), and maybe one or two veggies.
   Then came our misadventures to the Velvet Tango Room, (also known as VTR, and only home of my favorite cocktail, the Ramos Gin Fizz), the Speakeasy, and finally McNulties Beir Markt, which ultimately landed us at Bar Cento by default. And when I say "by default" I don't mean to hint that it was a disappointment. NOT AT ALL. Even despite a limited beer list due to the Beir Markt being closed, I was able to share a Cantillon Rose with E and scored an awesome Grimbergen Dubbel. The Cantillon was absolutely amazing; a transparent magenta raspberry lambic with an adorable pink head.(The color alone forces me to think of how cute this would be for a Valentines dinner ~<3~) It kinda smells vinegary, but tastes like a slightly sweet, unripe raspberry that finishes to a tart white grape taste as you swallow. The Dubbel, to me though, was the better of the two for the night. This should have been obvious to anyone in the restaurant that night due to the fact that I ordered two. I don't believe I've ever tried a Dubbel and I was looking for something dark, so I was pleasantly surprised with my server's recommendation; a dark dubbel with a slightly sweet, roasted walnut-y kind of a taste. Really easy going down, practically influencing you with every sip to order a second.
To wrap up a long night of bar-hopping, we went back to E's to crack open a few of his own home-made beers (thank you Brewkeeper!) while we watched Wall-e. Or rather, while E watched Wall-e, and I passed out. And THAT'S when the real fun began. Or so I heard....

"It's Fucking Beer Week"

2009-10-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

Um, that's what he said? No really, though, that IS what he said, or rather what E said, about 50 times Friday night. I mean, granted, the phrase in just four words sums up the best week ever. That's right, i'm talking about the Cleveland Beer Week. (If you haven't heard of this yet, I HIGHLY suggest you open another tab and Google it, or click on the link.) I mean, it's highly rare that I would ever want someone to divert their attention away from what I have to say, but I want to do this justice, and if I were to attempt to detail all of the 25 pages-worth of events going on during the entire glorious week, I imagine that I'd run out of blog-space.
   So now that you've looked over the schedule of events, i can only assume that you're at the very least impressed if not utterly ecstatic. Maybe it will help you understand why E and i devoted two or so hours Wednesday night the week prior highlighting and choosing exactly which events we were going to partake in. By the end of the night, (well actually at the wee hours of the next morning) we had mutually settled on 15 or 16 of them, starting with a private dinner and tasting at Moxie with Merchant du Vin. And let me just tell you...it was the PERFECT start to a GREAT fucking week.
   I honestly don't know what I expected walking into Moxie that night, but I do remember being surprised with what I saw. When we got there, we were led into the back of the restaurant to a private dining room that was blocked off to both of the restaurants that lie on either side. (For those of you who don't know, Moxie and Red Steak House are two halves of the same restaurant.Red being one of the USA Today's top 10 steakhouses in America.) As I scanned the room, I took note of first the long table strewn with bottles upon bottles of beer that took center stage in the front;then the four tables scarcely filled with guests; and lastly, how much younger E and I were than everyone else. I honestly thought for a second they had led us into the graduating class of a 1970's highschool reunion (nevermind what school it was, it wouldn't have mattered...), until I noticed all the "Merchant du Vin" logo covering everything from the servers shirts, to our glasses, to our menus, etc.
   Just as I was beginning to feel totally and utterly out of place at our table, which was only 3/4 full, I overheard this older lady talking about her "side job" as a writer for the Great Lakes Brewing News. Practicallyl instantaneously all my anxiety completely washed away, replaced by utter awe...I had met my idol. I'd never actually had one before, never having been one of those girls who dote over celebrities or presidents wives or even philanthropists, so I didn't know what to say. Luckily, the dinner started almost immediately, forcing us to skip introductions, buying me some time to think about how to approach her. But don't you worry, after a good 12 tastings, my "mind-to-mouth" filter had decayed enough to the point that I had no trouble telling her to her face that she was my "role model."("Oh were Oh were has my ~~little dog~~ dignity gone? Oh were oh were can it be???")
   But let me digress, there was alot that happened at the dinner between the time when my filter was still intact to the time that it was as solid as swiss cheese. The dinner started out with a tasting of Lindemann's Gueuze Cuvee Rene, a non-fruit lambic, that is golden in color and a disappearing head. Merchant Du Vin's sales rep had us smell it and asked us if it smelled like a barnyard. I said it was the best smelling barnyard this farmgirl from Newbury had EVER smelled. Obviously this man has never been to Mangia Mangia or the Somracks. To me, it tasted a lot like a tart champagne; not sweet at all, not citrusy, but definably had a sour note to it. It was really nice and refreshing and paired really well with our first course: cured meats, creme fraiche butter, home made bread, and pickled onions. The souix chef from Moxie, a young, enthusiastic guy came out onto the floor to explain the presentation of different meats; prosciutto, salami, spelt, and a spiced prosciutto, as well as how they are supposed to be eaten with the buttered bread and acidic onions to balance their saltiness. Two words: um, wow. Keep in mind, this is still only the first course... three more to go.
   Second up was a mushroom fondue paired with a Ayinger Weizen-bock, and a shallot fondue with Ayinger's Oktoberfest. I personally enjoyed the Oktoberfest the best, which didn't surprise me because I'm not crazy about very wheat-ey beers like the Weizen-bock. Don't get me wrong, the Weizen-bock was still good, especially because of it's slight banana aroma, but nothing in my opinion compared to the caramelly, earthy goodness that was the Oktoberfest, which also "paired" much better with the story the rep told about how the first Oktoberfest was a wedding reception. (Btw, I'm totally doing that.)
   The third course was BY FAR one of my favorites, which is really weird considering it was a raclette dish. For those of you who are uneducated in the way of the cheese, its likely you've never heard of raclette. I certainly hadn't until this dinner (being lactose-intolerant, I tend to shy away from not only eating but also gaining knowlege of dairy products), naively getting tickets to dine on something i could barely pronounce. What I learned was that raclette is a type of semi-firm, salted cheese that originated in Switzerland. The types that we had, though, were French and "domestic," which after a little Google-ing, I found means it was made in Michigan. (I guess they're trying to makeup for Detroit. smart move on their part.) You might be thinking, "Its cheese. From Michigan. So what?" Well, let me tell you, this is one cool curd. Not so much because of it's taste, but moreso because of the way it's served. The name actually translates "to scrape," and that's exactly how it's served. It starts off as a 13 lb. round covered in wax that is chopped in half and put on a special "broiler" that has a little arm that swings back and forth allowing the cheese to be melted on the exposed edge. Then, you take a knife and scrape it onto a plate, and serve it with different little goodies very similar to the things we had in the first course. Apparently, it's typically accompanied with hot teas or a type of wine called Fendant, but we ate it with Rochefort 8 which was equally delish. Rochefort 8 is a Belgian Strong Ale that's medium-bodied, brown in color, with notes of caramel, dried fruit, yeast, spices and even a little booze. I liked it because it seemed to get more complex every time i drank it and warmed me from the tip of my tongue to the bottom of my belly. YUM!
   And if THAT wasn't enough, we still had one more course. I'm not gonna lie, I probably could have EASILY done without this course, not only because it was chocolate (and unlike any other girl out there, i'm NOT the hugest fan) fondue, but also because I had turned to E after course 2 and said I was full. Three courses later, I'm still shoving my face with homemade marshmellows dipped in gooey chocolate. Somehow, by the grace of God I was able to make room for the last beer: the one and only Celebrator Doppelbock by Ayinger. This crazy beer has so many different delectable flavors going on. With layers of raisin, then chocolate, and finally coffee, it was a great end to a great meal...and a great beginning of a great rest of the night.
   That's right, E and I were FAR from done. After eating my foot in front of the Great Lakes Brewing News journalist, scoring a few free glasses and a couple goats-on-a-rope, and even a few business cards, E and I hurried off to La Cave Du Vin where we swiftly ordered a few digestifs and a few beers. I started off with a Traquair 900, a potent scotch ale made in bourbon casks, and E chug-a-lugged an Unearthly IPA. By the time we were done with these, our friends (we'll call them Mr. and Mrs. Detail-oriented) joined us from their tasting at Southside in Tremont, just as we were opening the all-star brew of the night: the DeuS. The DeuS, also called Brut Des Flandres is a "champagne beer," which translates to HEAVEN IN A 30 OZ. BOTTLE, or more literally to "God." I mean, this is something I would find in Heaven; a perfect culmination of my two favorite libations, begging me to ask the question, "how did I not know about this?!" Having the mouth-feel of a champagne, and the taste of a crisp light beer that just as E predicted, disappears upon swallowing. Too cool. No, too Cool. With a capital C. Because it really is just that.
   So if anyone's still reading, it should be evident that E and I manged to start the adventure that is Cleveland Beer week off with quite a bang. And it's only just begun....

…that’s amore!

2009-09-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

I don’t know what it is about it, but Boys. Love. Pizza. Period. Its like one of my guy friends from college told me while scarfing down a Big Ten from Cousin Vinnie’s (the UD god of the pie) at four a.m., “pizza’s like sex; when it’s good, it’s really good, and even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” This I never understood because personally, I am not a die-hard fan of pizza. I mean, besides the fact that it’s not the best for the waistline and one piece (especially after you close the bars) is NEVER enough, I really don’t like the taste. I KNOW, I KNOW! I have probably deeply offended most of you, but before you send the Mafia after me for blasphemy, keep in mind that it’s also not the best thing for someone who isn’t the HUGEST fan of bread and is slightly lactose-intolerant. Yes, genius, that “someone” would be me. So, in my defense, it is my opinion that I was bestowed with “natural deterrents” from liking it.

But enough about me, let’s get back to this crazy/ otherworldly obsession with pizza that guys have that has them drooling at the sound of its name. Like i have said, my boys' tastes are much like the typical post-baccalaureate male. Naturally then, you can imagine how wet the floor was when I suggested I make BBQ chicken pizza for the guys. The best part about it, was that they already had some homemade BBQ sauce in the fridge from one of their parents' houses, AND it very closely resembled Sweet Baby Rays (the only BBQ sauce I will EVER use).

One of the best things about cooking for the boys is that their personalities add a lot of fun and "flavor" to the whole experience. I've always like having friends with ADD, not only because they come in handy during those intense study sessions, but also because they are constantly amazed by everything I take for granted; kinda like a kitten. Take bread makers. Seriously, I have never known anyone to be so enthralled with one in my whole life. I mean, until I really started getting into cooking I always thought it was another piece of plumbing under our kitchen sink. So when I made the SAME dough I had made for the Sfiha a week earlier, they were equally amazed and excited. Okay, maybe they were excited because it meant we got to break out another Lagavulin, but who can blame them?

So like I said, this "super-dough"* is the same used in the Sfiha, so instead of me typing it all out, just scroll up; it'll give you a chance to peak at my other posts if you haven't already. (Keep in mind that this dough is baked at 475*F no matter what dish you use it in. That should be a cue for you to go now and preheat your oven... )

The rest of the dish’s ingredients are pretty self-explanatory:

1) OBVIOUSLY you are going to need chicken (about 3 breasts), so while your dough is being made in the bread maker, you might as well take that out and thaw it (if it isn't already) under some hot water. [Here's a tip: if you need to expedite the thawing process, take your chicken, wrap it in paper towel and then nuke it for like 7 min (depending on how ghetto your microwave is), that should heat it while still retaining it's moisture.]After it's all thawed, trim off all of the fat, and cut it into 1-inch strips. Set aside.

2) Then take 2 medium-sized onions (preferably purple because it's a little sweeter, but if all you have is the white, that will also do just fine), slice it in half and then slice these into half-rings. Set aside.

3) Make sure you have parmesan and mozzarella cheese handy. You’ll definitely need these. LOTS of these.

4) And of course, garlic. (If it’s not a desert, garlic is probably included in any one of my recipes…) I prefer to use a press to crush fresh cloves, but I have to admit, having a jar of “pre-minced” garlic like the boys do can really come in handy. Either way, you’re going to want to add about 3-4 Tblsp pre-minced or 4 cloves crushed.

5) I do have one secret ingredient that I don’t believe I told the boys I was putting into their pizza, but they didn’t seem to mind or even notice, all the same. It was honey. It’s obviously an optional ingredient, but if you do choose to use it, just set 1 ½ Tblsp aside.

6) One of the MOST IMPORTANT parts to an awesome pizza HAS to be the pizza stone. If you don’t have one, buy one; it’s essential. I wasn’t surprised to find out that the boys had one of their own. I was surprised, however that they had no idea what it was. They were under the impression it was just a serving tray for pizza, not knowing that it could be or rather was supposed to be used in the oven. Ha! Silly boys…**

By now, your dough should be done and you should have been working on that Lagavulin, which should also be about done. If not, you’re going to have to top off everyone’s glasses because you’re gonna need it to roll out the dough on a floured counter top.

Right about now is that time when you want to whip out your CAST IRON SKILLET, lather it with some EVOO and sauté up your onions, garlic, and chicken on medium heat. While this is crackling on the stove, you can return to fussing over the crust…

Once the dough is the size you want it, transfer it to your pizza stone. (Don’t worry about oiling or flouring it. You’re not supposed to. It’s made that way, so don’t be afraid to transfer the naked dough to the naked stone.) Now you’re ready to assemble your pie!

1) I like to brush the entire top of the crust with EVOO, just to make sure it stays moist and fluffy on the inside, while golden & crunchy on the outside. But this time, I mixed a little bit of the honey with the oil and brushed it on. This was just to add a little sweetness to offset the smokey-ness of the BBQ sauce and tartness of the onions.

2) After that, load on the BBQ sauce. As much as you want. Go crazy, just make sure it stays on the crust and doesn’t get on the walls. (eh hem…)

Since the toppings you were sautéing earlier should be done right about now, you can take those off the heat and set them aside on a cooler burner for a minute to cool down slightly.

3) Next comes the cheeses. I like to put the mozzarella on BEFORE the parm, but do whatever you want. I guess it all melts together anyways and doesn’t make a difference, but I’d like to think it does..

4) Finally, you get to add the toppings! I just took the entire contents of the skillet and dumped them warm on the top of the cheese and spread them around.

5) When it looks the way you want it, shove the whole pizza stone into the oven and bake it for 10-15 min, depending on how thick you made your crust.

And viola! C'è la sua torta di pizza deliziosa. Piacere!

Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!

2009-09-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

Don't freak out, the title isn't any reflection on the type of food that I cook. It may, however, be quite a good representation of the food that I DON'T cook, which resides far past it's prime in my guys' kitchen...(Que for Stoven and E- this would be a super convenient time to take a peek in that big white food box and make sure nothing IS in fact, blue or green, or worse, fuzzy.)
Like I was saying...
So, my guys are carnivors; real meat-and-potatoes kinda boys. Which is, I'm sure to most of you, not surprising. But for such lovers of the cow and carb, I don't believe I've ever seen either of them make anything besides canned peas and a pizza-ranch dressing sandwich, both of which take no time to make or mental effort. So my mission was to show them how easy it is to whip up your own hand-held meat pie.
Staying true to my flair for the Mediterranean cuisine, I made what is called Sfiha or lahm bi'ajīn. Basically, they're exactly what their names would translate to: "meat and pastry." I did, however, put a slight twist on it that makes it slightly resemble a Nigerian Daavi. Also staying true to my "lets make everything more difficult than necessary" rule, I decided to forgo buying pre-made pizza dough, and opted to make it by hand. And by "hand" I mean "by bread maker." (Yay for the boys having all the ingredients!)

For the dough:
1 package active dry yeast (2 teaspoons)
1 cup warm water (105° to 115°, no more)
3 cups all-purpose or bread flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, plus a little for coating

Steps:

1)Dissolve the yeast in the warm water. Set aside.
2)pour the rest of the ingredients into the bread machine.
3))Turn it "on".
4)Set the machine for "dough"
5)download and watch an episode of The Office (American version, because their teeth are nicer...) By the time this is over, your dough should be about done.
6)Flour a flat counter space. Have Scotch whiskey bottle handy.
7)Remove the dough from the machine and slap it on the floured surface.
8)Cut this big lump of dough into quarters, reserving a tennis-ball sized chunk for E to eat.
9)Pour yourself and your buddies a couple glasses of the whiskey.Actually, just go ahead and finish the bottle. Use this empty bottle to roll out the quartered hunks of dough on the floured surface. Preheat oven to 475*F.
10)add the meat filling:
2 lbs ground beef
1 chopped onion
4+ Tblsp chopped garlic (the more the better, but consider stopping before 10 Tblsps if you still want to have friends)
1 russet potato diced
3 Tblsp EVOO
1 tsp salt
pinch of cinnamon
11) drizzle oil in a CAST IRON SKILLET and toss in all other ingredients simultaneously, until meat is browned, the onions and potato are soft, and until your entire house smells like a garlic clove.
12) take some mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses and sprinkle them on the inside of the dough.
13)add meat mixture inside on ONE HALF of the dough. Fold dough over and pinch ends together
14)Place Sfiha on baking sheet and stick in oven for 13-15 minutes, 20 if your oven is ghetto.

This is where the magic happens

2009-08-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

Oh, cummon! Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm not referring to the "boom boom room", I'm referring to the kitchen in my boys' apartment. Which, is, pretty hysterically, probably larger than both of their bedrooms combined, and unfortunately, probably gets a lot hotter.

I don't really know how I actually came about agreeing to cooking for the guys...I think they just said, "hey. we're getting an apartment. you should come over and cook for us." And I apparently naively agreed (yeesh, I'm SUCH a pushover!), having NO idea as to what exactly I was getting myself into. I DO however clearly remember the first time I went over there- I expected to be greeted with near-empty cabinetry (excluding the liquor cabinet of course), or to just walk into "what's burning? OMG! you didn't SERIOUSLY put the whole pizza box in the oven did you?" as I did with many of the guys I knew/dated throughout college. Surprisingly enough, I instead walked into quite the opposite: a HUGE kitchen not only fully stocked, but also containing cool tools and machinery even MY kitchen lacked! (That, btw, is by no means my fault. Just the product of having a roommate obsessed with weight-watchers.) The funniest part about their kitchen, though, was that the boys whole-heartedly stuck to the "kitchen rules" that had contrived and agreed on upon signing the lease: 1the liquor cabinet will always be stocked; even if that means the fridge and pantry can not be. 2-size DOES matter.

After getting over my twitterpation (a Bambi-word. don't ask just google it) of the spectacle that was this kitchen, I got right to work on making a man-friendly, time-tested, culturally diverse meal. Can you guess what it is? (didn't think so.)
Well, it's called Pastitsio, a Greek dish that embraces everything comfort food minus vegetables. It's super easy if you can multitask on the stove, and a great left-over pasta "up-cycle" dish. **Remember this is supposed to be layered if you're trying to be authentic, if not, it will basically resemble Mediteranian Hamburger Helper. Check it out:

The Recipe:
Cream Sauce
2 3/4 cups milk
1 egg
2 1/2 tbsp corn starch
1/2 stick butter
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

Do This
We made the cream sauce at the same time as the rest of the pastitisio, but I’m listing it first because “add cream sauce” is part of the main pastitisio recipe.

Pour the milk into a medium-large saucepan. While it is still cold, stir in the corn starch*. Turn the heat to medium-high, and heat the milk (but don’t boil it), stirring constantly. Once it starts to get hot, add the butter. It should melt fairly quickly. Keep stirring. I’m not kidding.
Beat the eggs (or…have someone else beat them, because you’re stirring the sauce) and add them in. Don’t worry about the grated parmesan for now, it gets to hang out until the rest of the dish is assembled. Still stirring? Good.

If you’re multitasking, turn the heat down to very low, and try to remember to give the cream sauce a stir throughout the process. The sauce is heating and thickening, and you want to make sure that it doesn’t burn or get lumpy.

Pastitisio
1/2 lb long macaroni (we used Misko Macaroni Pastitsio #2)
1 small onion, very finely chopped
1 3/4 lb ground beef
1/2 tbsp tomato paste
2 tbsp ketchup
1/2 stick + 1 tbsp butter
1/2 cup milk
1 cup grated parmesan
2 shakes (less than 1/4 tsp) cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
2 eggs, beaten

Do This
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, and, as Miss Roommate’s grandma would say, “butter the hell out of your baking pan.”
Cook the pasta as directed (boil some water, cook the noodles for 10-15 minutes) and drain off the water. Set aside in the heavily-buttered baking dish you’ll be cooking the pastitisio in.
Sauté the onions with 1 tbsp of butter and a little bit of water. While the onions are going, brown the meat in a large sauté pan. Add in the tomato paste, ketchup, cinnamon, salt, and pepper, and stir in the sautéed onions. Turn the heat to low, and continue to brown the meat.
In a small saucepan, brown (but don’t burn) the 1/2 stick of butter. Pour it over the meat, along with the eggs. Stir in the grated parmesan, and transfer to the baking dish with the macaroni and half of the cream sauce. Mix well, so that noodles, meat, cheese, and sauce are evenly distributed in the pan. Pour the remaining cream sauce over top, and sprinkle with the half cup of grated parmesan that you were probably wondering about from before (it’s listed as part of the cream sauce recipe, but it really goes on top).
Bake at 350 degrees for an hour. Your house will smell like grandma’s house, and your tastebuds will agree that this is worth the wait.

Easy-serving tip: make the pastitisio in advance, and refrigerate/freeze it. Cold pastitisio is much easier to slice, and it reheats spectacularly. Plus, you can focus on your guests instead of juggling saucepans.

Where to start...where to start...

2009-08-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

If you ask either of the guys I cook for, or anyone who knows that I've not-so-secretly been scurrying off to do this, you’ll find out that I've been talking about setting this blog up since the very beginning of my culinary adventures. I'd like to make excuses and say that, "I've been too busy," or "I didn't know how," (which, pathetically enough is partially true...), but the truth is that I am just THAT lazy. Seriously. Until I actually got bored enough to actually commit to doing this, I'd previously vouched to just cook, drink, and party during all of my free time in lieu of following through with making this blog. (I'm an ENFP, what can I say? Which, as you’ll come to find, explains A LOT.) Holding true to this Myers-Briggs personality, I am not only a genuine creator/artist, but an honorary procrastinator as well. This, mixed with my affection for beer, a good laugh, and the crazy personalities of my knighted "foodie" pals, makes for some VERY interesting times in the kitchen...

Thus begins the gustatory exploits I’ll be taking you on. Okay, so I lied. All the “magic” I’ll be performing is confined to a second-story, 20-somethings’ kitchen in the suburbs of Cleveland All the same, whilst I may not be Gandolf the Great or by no means live in anything that comes close to Hogwarts, I still manage to whip up quite some interesting things out of the common and sparse ingredients that can easily be found in any post-college bachelor pad. (Do you understand my use of the word “magic”?)

And if you were still wondering why I created this blog, especially now, having dragged my heels for this long, here are the answer(s): 1-The more food I made, the less ingredients I had to work with, and the more creative I got. I figured someone out there might want to know how to make a gourmet meal out of 12 lbs of flour and a jar of olives. 2-I wanted to prove to the people that “knew” I was “cooking” when I didn’t come home at night or came back reeking of fish and scotch, that it is IN FACT what I was truthfully doing. 3- and because I just plain started to forget after a while. Maybe I should stop drinking… (nah, I’ll just use up cyber space instead of mental space to remember what I’m doing…lol.) , and there is a fourth** reason, but its totally up to your discretion to bother finding it/ reading it…

[4**--I may or may not want to rub it into a particular individual’s face (if they ever come across this…) that I not only weekly visit this residence, where they are certainly never welcomed, but also that these boys ENJOY my presence, and even INVITE me over…]